Unwanted matchmaking, iin?

55% Normal
14 Comments

When I was a minor, my family wouldn't allow me to date. I am now a legal adult, but I still haven't dated anyone due to a variety of personal reasons. I am perfectly okay with this. What I am not okay with is the fact that it seems as if my family is trying to matchmake me up with a young guy that works at my grocery store.

I barely know him. I met him two weeks ago and I was somewhat sharp with him. Despite this, he has begun to seriously flirt with me, which is making me very uncomfortable.

I have zero attraction to this person. Fuck, I have even been reconsidering the possibility that I might actually be a lesbian. He seems nice, but I don't want to lead this guy on. I worry about him trying to ask me out, because I don't know what type of excuse I could possibly give in response. My family is so nosy, controlling and judgmental. They also don't seem to know that I am not straight. If I turn him down and they find out, they'll no doubt bombard me with questions. They've already have begun asking questions in regards to this and I hate it.

Is it normal?

Voting Results
55% Normal
Based on 44 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • funkedup
    10 years ago

    When you say "matchmaking" do you mean in the marriage sense, or the more casual "set-up" sense?

    In either event, I voted that your reaction to unwanted matchmaking is normal.

    By the way you write I'm guessing that you were raised in North America or the UK. Your cultural heritage may or may not involve matchmaking. However, based on current social norms in the West, matchmaking requires some serious consent on the part of those involved. I'm hoping that Eastern cultures have an element of this as well, but I'm not positive.

    As for your fear about being asked out, I know you'll want to be gentle if you have to turn this guy down, but I wouldn't worry about an excuse. You don't have to explain yourself, just be polite about it, and say "no, thanks" and, if you want, add that you're not interested in dating right now. When your family bombards you with questions, do the same. Put them on the same level as him, say something like: "I'll tell you want I told him...that I'm not interested." If they continue: "it's not complicated, I'm just not interested in the guy!"

    With respect to the broader issue of your sexuality and dating in general. It may be tough, but I'd advise against lying, especially to your family. If you don't want to tell the whole truth about your sexuality, or dating preferences, or marriage plans, then I think that's your right as an adult; but lying will just give more ammo for nosy and manipulative people to guilt you into responding, etc.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I am assuming as well as hoping that it is just in a casual set-up. It also wasn't just with this guy. It seemed as if one of my relatives wanted me to try dating this guy that used to teach me skateboarding lessons. I have no plans to do that either!

      You are correct. I was raised in and I am still from North America. My family's culture is Eastern that I know of, except for my father's family who are partially of European decent. However, it is not that side that is doing this. It is my mother's side, following the maternal line, it just seems to be of African origin.

      You have great ideas on how to deter these people. Hopefully, I'll remember these pointers I go back to the store.

      In the ideal situation, I would love to be able to be open with them, but I can't. My family is very religious and old fashioned. In fact, I am currently living with a religious homophobic parent. My family has been rumoring and accusing me of being gay ever since I was a kid. If this is truly the case, I don't want to give them the satisfaction nor be weighed down by their reactions.

      I am actually a little surprised that they have begun doing this. They know that I have more important things on my plate than to start dating. This is making me wonder whether or not people they know have been asking about my relationship status, etc. Maybe this person is scared of looking bad so, she is pushing me to get a mate to make her look good? I realize that it may sound odd, but I am related to someone who is extremely self-centered and narcissistic. (etc.)

      I am not too bothered with having to lie to my family. Sure, I sometimes hate doing it but I am used to it. Thankfully, there are other people I know where I can be honest about these things with.

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      • funkedup
        10 years ago

        Homosexuality is a big deal to religious people...you increase your numbers through births and missionary work! "Go forth and multiply" and all that.

        The pressure to date right now may also be a way to push the sexuality issue with you, for sure, so if you want to play your cards close to your chest, then that's your right. I was only warning against consequences from flat-out lies, especially ones that are easily uncovered. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, though, so you can do the math on that.

        This happens in all types of families. One of my close friends came out to his parents after age 20. His parents are both Western, very "liberal" in most ways, not overly religious, but his Mother couldn't take it. He left for several years and there is still tension. One of my former coaches from school has a gay son that he has no contact with at all, and if you met him it might be really surprising given his views on most other things. Blood is thicker than water, and I guess there's the notion that whatever your sister, brother, father, etc are doing reflects on you in a very personal way because you're "cut from the same cloth."

        It's good you have people to talk to about this, that's a real asset and comfort.

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  • green_boogers
    10 years ago

    You could say to your family, "Boyfriends are my problem, not yours. My future with a boyfriend will not include you."

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      More good advice.

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  • VirgilManly
    10 years ago

    Tell your family you heard a rumor that he has a very teenie weenie and that you prefer them big and thick. They probably won't ask about your love life again.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Not bad idea, but these people are very old fashioned and religious. Th sausage might just explode in my face!

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  • (s)aint
    10 years ago

    I think the best way is to be honest " Sorry, not really interested in seeing someone right now" (If you want to be nice) Or just tell him the harsh truth " Not really interested ..."

    Your family should cut you some slack, I know how I reacted when an old friend of mine tried to hook me up with her brother . I might even had liked her brother had it not been for her and her mother trying to pair us up >>

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      If I can keep my nerves together, I wouldn't mind be honest with the guy. I am just a little concerned about how he will react. He is short for a man, or at least, he seems short to me. I don't want him to think that it is because of that. It reminds me of when I was in middle school and the boys at the after school program would often flirt with me and ask me out. Well, my family didn't want them to know about the rule (weird) so, they would just tell me to say that I wasn't interested. Often times this wouldn't work and the guy would assume that I had a boyfriend. I would then have to make a up a significant other because, these guys would want to know his name and where he went to school (etc). Seriously, what the fuck? Were they going to try proving their worth to me by fighting my lover?

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      • (s)aint
        10 years ago

        I have met those sort of people too, some guys simply can't take a rejection and want to try and argue that they are better than the one I'm dating xD

        This one time when I wanted to get rid of a guy I just didn't tell him that I had a boyfriend I lied that I was together with my female friend instead just to get out of the situation asap.

        I think you should try and tell him that you are not interested, unless he pushes you you shouldn't have to tell him more than that. Sometimes you just aren't into someone.

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  • shuggy-chan
    10 years ago

    Fart on him, see if that helps

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      There used to be something called "Can o' Farts" or something like that. It contained a unearthly non-human stench that smelled of cow manure. Haha. I wouldn't mind trying that but, it would be hard to both covertly spray it as well as properly angle it. It I do it wrong, he or someone else might think that I have a defective digestive system. It would be so embarrassing. Again, if he thinks that it was me, he might tell his co-workers, which would again be embarrassing.

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  • iEatZombies_
    10 years ago

    The best word you can learn is no. Say no to him, no to them, no to explaining yourself. You'll do everyone a favor.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Thanks.

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