Twentyone and ive had enough!

im 21. I have partner and two kids under two years of age. I feel so trapped most of the time becuase my partner made me cut off all my friendships with people because of hes insecuritys and hes controllingness prior to having kids. Before i met my partner, life was grate, I had friends, i was in college etc. Now im with the kids 24:7. if i want to go clothes shopping he insists i take the kids with me as i might be going to meet guys. I want to go out with the girls now and again but I have no one to go out with. All my friends moved on with their lives. I have tryed to apporch my old friends but they dont want to know. I feel so alone and frustated. Im 21 with no life. My partener doesent even take me out, he never wants to go out with me. I dont even have anyone to ring up and just say hi to. I just feel alone...Im 21 and have no life...Just wanna die sometimes. I sware ony my children keep me going! please advise me. is that normal? how can i change this situation? how can i make new friends?

Voting Results
27% Normal
Based on 63 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 29 )
  • steph1234

    i think you should get rid! ive had so many bad relationships with men that u wudnt beleive, your kids should be the main focus and if your upset then they will notice that, trust me your kids need you, your bf can go f himself!!!

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  • Contrary_Canary

    In all bluntness, your partner sounds like a prick. Either he needs to change his ways or you need to change men. He has no right to control you or dictate what you do. If you can trust him to go out and not meet women, he should trust that you aren't going out to meet men. Besides, it's unhealthy that he doesn't trust you - relationships are BUILT on trust. He has his own insecurity issues and unless he works on them or gets help for them, your life won't get any better. He also is really horrible that he made you cut off your friendships - what are you, his slave??? Hell no! Your a woman, a responsible woman (hell, I'm your age and I can't even BEGIN to imagine being responsible for kids), and what's more, a human being. I would try reaching out to your friends again, explain that you're in a semi-abusive relationships that made you cut off your friendships, and see if it rekindles anything. I wish you the best!!! :)

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  • artguru4u

    this is an abusive relationship. he's trying to feed his insecurities. i don't know who said it but it would be advisable to go to a women's help center. or if you go to church there should be something setup, like a advisor. this treatment is not okay. yes you have two children and their lives do matter and that was a big decision to make so young. does he ever take the time to watch the children? its messed up that he's using them as a prop for surveillance. he shouldn't place your children in a situation that could mar their trust in future relationships. and sometimes when partners are accusing you of being unfaithful or worried about the possibility... it usually means that they either have or are thinking about going outside of the relationship.
    just get some help.

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  • Gabriell

    He is probably scared that you will cheat him to have more "sexual experiences" because a girl of your age, especially if she's hadn't had sex with any other man than your husband would like to "try" other guys. That's what he fears. But the situation is pretty fuc*ed up as it seems and it is both your fault that your life is like this. You should exercise a little control on your husband lady. Don't let him do you whatever he wants. And pregnant from your 19N? I mean, come on. Ok accidents happen...

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    • Failed_the_Turing_test

      Not normal - sounds like he is a control freak, and you are acting like a natural victim letting him do it.

      You need to grow a spine and start taking ownership of your own life (sorry if that sounds harsh and scary, but it's the truth). BUT someone who is afraid of you spending time with anyone else sounds a bit...unstable...so be carefull trying to take back your life, you may need to leave them and they may not let you. Prepare for the worst first, then try to fix dead-end the two of you are in.

      1) get bank account in your own name and put a bit away
      2) Find out what support for women is available in your area
      3) Get counceling, first for yourself, then as a couple.
      4) Sadly most control freaks freak out at 3), so 1-2 got you set to leave with your kids.

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  • junkyarddog91

    This is definitely not a normal or healthy relationship. People need to be social to have a normal lifestyle, and two small children is not enough of a social engagement. How does he treat you when you two are home together? If he treats you really well then you have to decide if that makes up for everything else. If he treats you terribly then you are in an abusive relationship. The type of abuse depends on what he does. I recommend you decide if it is worth salvaging. Most abusive relationships go in a cycle where the abuse occurs for a while and then stops and then resumes and then stops round and round and round. I would never treat my wife this way. While we dont have the ideal relationship, we are both allowed to leave the house. We both work, and I go to school. And if we wanna go out with our friends, we make it work so that one of us can go out while the other one of us is home with the baby. Like I said before, socializing with two toddlers is not adequate enough for any human being. Good luck. Since it seems you have access to the internet, maybe you could use a social networking site to meet a new friend. It sounds cheesy but find someone who lives near you and see if they have children and then you can invite them over and theyre kids can play with yours and you can have adult interaction.

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  • awatcher

    My ex husband was that way. I worked to and he was like this These men are dangerous. It will only get worse. Try to get yourself out and get help. Build up your self esteem. He wants to tear it down to make you grateful for just him., Ugh!

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  • penguin1

    I so agree with Ollieo! You are in a very dangerous relationship. This happens a lot more than it should. Okay, now say this with me "My husband is NOT my boss. My husband does NOT choose who I can talk to. I am my own person. I am strong enough to leave him."
    I really mean this- leave him-the first chance you get, take your kids and go somewhere. A women's shelter or a hospital or a church. Explain your situation and ask for help.

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  • You are deeply, deeply unhappy, and that heartless bastard wants to isolate and reject you even more to make you feel even worse and more miserable. This is emotional abuse. Do you hear that? HE IS A WOMAN ABUSER. Do you want to be that woman? Do you realize he could get worse? Do you want your children to grow up witnessing his sick and sadistic destruction of you? Call a distress centre now to get support. Make a plan. You and your kids deserve way better.

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  • CrazyNiteOwl

    i used to treat my bf the exact same way he is treating you and its wrong, its selfish and abusive and do u know how i realised that? he left me and told me exactly why he was leaving. after that i realised that all of that crap i put him through was for no reason and he didnt deserve it. i went an got help from a therapist to sort out my issues. you need to sit down with him n talk to him about all of this, go and get counseling. i would say leave but if there is a possibility that you can work things out and stay together for ur kids then you should try. he probably has his reasons and maybe had alot of bad things happen to him in his life which broke his trust in ppl. give him a chance to change ok? chances are he doesn't even know how bad he's treating you, and he wont unless you make him see. i hope everything works out for you

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  • Kaidensmommy

    lol

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  • Failed_the_Turing_test

    Oups, sorry Gabriel, that was for poster, not you...

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  • evilboi

    your fault for getting knocked up so early

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  • stillcurious

    Maybe he's turned off by your spelling, or maybe your grammar.

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  • lotusgirl

    hey hey!
    life has its ups and down! you're still young and beautiful! you have a body, put your body to some use
    enjoy sex
    eat food
    exercise
    take your kids to the park
    relax at times
    you have friends
    we are all each others friends
    we are all humans
    wave hello to your neighbors
    call your loved ones up at times
    your husband loves you

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  • NirNova04

    some guys have insecurity issues and he is probably afraid he is going to lose you. sit down and talk to him he needs to trust you its very important in a relationship

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  • XxINCHAINSxX

    THIS IS WHY I will
    NEVER put myself in your position!!! LOL!!! NEVER GET ATTACHED! You will regret it!!!

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  • harachi

    Sounds like you really rushed in to things before you were ready. I don't think there is much you can do now, a you have two young children who need loving parents. It's not about your life anymore, it's about theirs.

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    • Yes it is about those children's lives. Reread my post. Get to a women's distress centre!!!

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  • lina222444

    Tell him to f off. Hire a babysitter and go out and enjoy yourself! You need a life too!

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  • if ur bf really loves u he wud trust u to go out there and have fun sometimes

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  • tornwithin

    he cant tell u what to do your ur own person u can have friends and go out when u want.. hes a controlling ass and u need friends to talk to and get away fron home life with its good for your well being!! plz go to a councellor and if he doesnt get over himself and let u do what u want or wont start trusting u, which someone who says they love u should, then its divorce time.. your young itll be fine. im almost 22 and my daughters 2 her dad was like that but he took off when she was born and i thought no one would wana be with me then i met the best guy when i wasnt looking, we've been together for 1 1/2 and he loves me and my daughter and we're so happy so dont worry itll get better but u gota make that first step to change ur life.

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  • arrowhead

    that is not normal. tell him how you feel, see if he'll understand you. if the kids are the only things that make you go on with your life, it's wrong. do you still love him? if not, move on. leave him! don't let the fact that he's the father of your kids keeps you miserable. you want the best for your kids, go to college, get a nice job, raise your kids in a healthy family. without the controlling partner. if financial is the major issue, get help. tell your family! mom, dad, sis, bro, cuz. get yourself a birth control, i bet you don't wanna see the third one soon.

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  • jcx17

    Everyone needs friends. Try relationship counseling; he may be able to get over his problems.

    If not, divorce his ass.

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  • AnnaAgain

    I honestly feel bad for you. I can also see myself in a similar situation. My current boyfriend NEVER takes me out cuz he says he doesn't have money but every time I come over, he has 2g of weed and a new video game with a $70 price sticker still on there. It drives me crazy. I told him I want to do things with him... but... well maybe you'll be more lucky. Tell him you want to go out drinking with him. Hire a baby sitter and go have some fun! If he says no, offer to go to the movies or to a nice dinner or something.

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  • mercury1

    Wow...that must suck...it really seems like your wife is a serious control freak...mayby she keeps you home so much cus she thinks you don`t like her so much anymore, and you might be getting an affair or something if you have more time to yourself...yeah, i also get Her that raising 2 children is a full time job...and she would like when you help her out in that department...when she`s doing this in a nice way then its ok, i guess...but if she starts to get maniacal...like when you say: Hey, i`m going out with couple of friend, i´ll be back some time in the evening...and if she`s like: No way...ugh-ga...you ain´t going nowhere...little Bobbie here needs to be fed( thats a made up name), and the toilet need cleaning, and who do you think will take out the garbage...Then you gotta stick out for yourself...: Hey, i didn`t ask for your premission, i was just notifing you...i love you and you are very dear to me but a guy has to have time for himself...so..right now i`m going out to a pub and getting a bear with my mates!....hey i hope that helps...you just gotta stick out for yourself more...it sucks when take over control and start bossing you around...yeah..something else...you should play this song(Hot Hot Heat - Talk To Me, Dance With Me) alot in the house...so she could hear the lyrics...and get the hint ;)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayU0ZEoLc1o

    hope it works out for you.

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    • emms1981

      lol u pleb, yeah can you really see a 21 year old guy stuck at home with the kids?? um no i leave my husband with the kids 1 day a week he hasnt got a friggn clue! and then when hes at work and i tell him how fed up i am when im here by myself with 2 kids he thinks i should get on with it

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    • i_am_cornholio

      The post author is talking about a HE.
      So it isn't a wife.

      Tard.

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      • mercury1

        OMFG....yeah...your right...srry my bad!! ...i didn`t even notice it...sounded like a guy speaking XD

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