Too much too soon? manipulating bf?

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6 Comments

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months. He’s 22, never finished his education and has a full-time job. I just turned 20 and still studying. He lives alone and wants me to move in.

He wants me to pay 350$ for rent and food etc. It’s not our house but his and I only work part-time and earn 700$ Max (best case scenario)
Next school year i’ll have to take 30 free days for my internship. (Which means i’ll only earn about 500 a month)

I told him it’s too soon to move in and that it’s not feasable. He acts like i overact and overanalyse things and that everything will be alright. I feel like he’s really pushing me into this and it seems like he’s using emotional abuse to make me do it.

It just seems really unfair that i have to pay that amout of money to him. He already saved +20k and earns around 1800 (1300 more) he will pay 650 for everything meaning he’ll have 1000 more each month?!

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17% Normal
Based on 6 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Boojum
    5 years ago

    When someone tells you that you're over-analysing, it often means they want you to comply with their request without thinking through the consequences.

    You're clearly very uncomfortable with this situation, since you want to make him happy, but you know it makes no sense to you financially.

    If you feel like you're being emotionally manipulated, you very likely are. That suspicion and the fact you're not keen to move in with him says something about the fundamental nature of your relationship.

    Go with the numbers and your gut feeling about this, and prepare to be strong. If you feel that it's too soon to move in together, then he should respect that view, and stop pestering you.

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    • ForGodssake
      5 years ago

      Thank you so much for this comment. I’ve been questioning myself for 3 weeks straight. I feel so tired and lost. Friends and family already told me his texts aren’t healthy. Yet I often feel guilty about what i feel about this situation (thinking: oh but he does this and that for me too, i should do this and that back...) this makes me consider joining his plans. At the same time i get so mad because i shouldn’t feel this way. I shouldn’t feel obligated because he does stuff for me. I shouldn't feel obligated because he’s lonely. I’m happy when he’s with me but when i leave i feel so strange and sad. I feel like this isn’t me anymore. And than again i keep questioning this weird feelings. Do i want to lose him?
      I’m so glad with your response, i can’t even express how it feels. I often feel like i’m ‘the bad guy’ for being so ‘hard’ on him. Thank you

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  • IrishPotato
    5 years ago

    It's pretty darn reasonable for you to pay rent as well.

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    • lordofopinions
      5 years ago

      Within reason but as she explained she would find it hard to give what he is asking.

      As a side note I think he is being a bit of a scrooge.

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    • ForGodssake
      5 years ago

      I’m not saying i don’t want to pay anything to him. I’m just saying i didn’t have a chance to save anything whatsoever and i will only keep 150 for myself while he keeps 1000.
      I’m still studying and only took this job to earn some money i can save for my future. It’s his moms house so i will basically pay for their family instead of renting something that is ours.

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      • IrishPotato
        5 years ago

        That's his right as someone with a job though.

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