To move in with my best friend that i am in love with?

This is going to be long, sorry.
Facts: I am a woman, 29 He is a man, 27. We have been best friends for around 4 years now minus a break in which we were not speaking because about a year after we became friends I told him I was confused about my feelings for him and we got in a fight over it. At this point our friendship was really feeling more like a very intense emotional relationship to me but no sexual contact. Just a lot of affection, talking everyday, hanging out as much as possible and I love you after every conversation and visit. So you can see why I was getting confused.

We reconciled and he told me he was so scared and freaked out when that happened and was so sorry for hurting me. We had a couple of conversations about this and to summarize what he said is that he can't have a relationship but he needs my friendship and that he is basically forcing himself to not be in love with me.

Well it's a little ambiguous at this point what his feelings are for me since that was about 2 years. Our friendship is really great right now but it's still confusing because it still sort of feels like a relationship. Or basically that we are filling that part of each others lives emotionally (I think it's convenient at this point with us both in school and focused on other things). We kissed a couple of times but never talked about it after. We are not as affectionate and don;t say I love you as much, which works to keep the confusion to a minimum, but we still spend all our time together, holidays with each others family, most weekends, talk almost everyday. He calls me after work and on his break and after class etc. He's been even more sweet lately than I have ever noticed before. and we talk about our relationship and how we can communicate better and treat each other better etc. which I'm not sure if this is normal for a platonic friendship with a man and woman or if I am seeing way too much into it because of my own feelings.

So, I am absolutely definitely in love with him, more sure of this now than I was before. I have a very strong feeling that I will spend the rest of my life with him, not just that I want to but that I will. I think he feels the same way but we are stuck in this frustrating friendship place and I don't know how to try to move it forward or when is the right time (maybe he's not ready, I'm trying to wait but afraid I'm waiting for nothing). We have talked about moving in together and were very close to getting an apartment but it fell through. I think we will live together at some point soon. On one hand I think its a great idea because we will know even more whether we are compatible and it will start to set up the feeling of what it will be like to be married. But, I also see this being a problem because I might just be setting myself up for torture living with someone I'm in love with but only friends with. And what if he gets a girlfriend? I would be so jealous I can already imagine it. He has also never had a girlfriend for the duration of our friendship and we do not talk about that sort of stuff, it's pretty much avoided, so I have no idea if he is seeing someone, he doesn't mention anything about other women or dating so if he is seeing anyone he is keeping it a secret from me. I have also never dated or been in a relationship since we have been friends. In a way I think our friendship makes it very difficult to even want to meet someone else, but I don't want to anyways I just want to be with him.
So
#1 does this sort of situation/relationship seem normal?
#2 is it normal for me to want to live with him with this current situation?
#3 is it normal to feel like I know for sure that we will be married someday and I am just waiting for him? or am I being totally delusional?

Thank You for any advice/guidance/personal experiences that could help me get some perspective. This is my first time writing on a forum.

Voting Results
68% Normal
Based on 41 votes (28 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • It would be very tempting and it's possible it could work out in your favour.
    But, what happens if it doesn't? How much pain would you be in if you were living together, being as close as you ever were, yet he starts dating another girl? That situation seems way more devastating than it would be if you were to find out the truth (now) while you are not sharing a living space with him.

    You are maybe hoping he will have no choice but to fall completely in love with you once you're living together. It rarely works out that way, in reality, so you are better off finding out what his true feelings are now, rather than later.

    When you approach him about your romantic feelings towards him, instead of telling him how *you* feel, which might cause panic if your feelings are not reciprocated, first ask him how he feels. If he says he does have romantic feelings for you but doesn't want to pursue a relationship at this point, still don't move in with him. Why should he buy the cow (a committed relationship) if he's getting the milk (your companionship) for free.

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  • ChemGirl

    I think it is normal to feel that way, but it is probably a bad idea to move in with him. You could just be a placeholder until he finds someone with whom he wants to be in a relationship. You fill an emotional role while he is waiting for the right woman, or man. He could fear romantic or sexual relationships for some reason.
    SOMETHING is holding him back. if you love each other, platonically or otherwise, you need to get honest with each other. You are probably afraid of bringing up the subject since he quit talking to you the last time. Yet, you say the two of you discuss improving your communication! Well, this is the topic on which your communication most needs improvement.
    You say you think you will spend the rest of your life with him. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone you can't talk to about your feelings? Don't move in with him. You deserve more than a partially satisfying relationship.

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  • Flippin-dillydogs

    I think that is wierd but normal at the samee time ma'am.

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  • frikfrak

    Thank you for everyone's input it is very helpful and I'm working on figuring out how to move forward with everything. At the very least I'm putting the moving out idea on the back burner for a while, if he brings it up I'm just going to tell him the timing isn't right right now. Thanks again.

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  • jb95

    ok not normal but not bad idk why hes so hesitant to be with you but i would sit down and have a serious conversation about it and figure out what the hells goin on with both of you and as for the girlfriend thing if he hasnt been with a girl even once since youve been together and as much time as hes spending with you i seriously it and doubt it even more that he is, could, or would want to hide it from you. if i could observe in person i could give a better opinion but i think you both need to get the courage to actually talk about it if he isnt truly into you then best not to live with him and just be friends. really hope that this helps sorry it was so long and couldnt help more.

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  • 1000yrVampireKing

    YES

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