To move in with my best friend that i am in love with?
This is going to be long, sorry.
Facts: I am a woman, 29 He is a man, 27. We have been best friends for around 4 years now minus a break in which we were not speaking because about a year after we became friends I told him I was confused about my feelings for him and we got in a fight over it. At this point our friendship was really feeling more like a very intense emotional relationship to me but no sexual contact. Just a lot of affection, talking everyday, hanging out as much as possible and I love you after every conversation and visit. So you can see why I was getting confused.
We reconciled and he told me he was so scared and freaked out when that happened and was so sorry for hurting me. We had a couple of conversations about this and to summarize what he said is that he can't have a relationship but he needs my friendship and that he is basically forcing himself to not be in love with me.
Well it's a little ambiguous at this point what his feelings are for me since that was about 2 years. Our friendship is really great right now but it's still confusing because it still sort of feels like a relationship. Or basically that we are filling that part of each others lives emotionally (I think it's convenient at this point with us both in school and focused on other things). We kissed a couple of times but never talked about it after. We are not as affectionate and don;t say I love you as much, which works to keep the confusion to a minimum, but we still spend all our time together, holidays with each others family, most weekends, talk almost everyday. He calls me after work and on his break and after class etc. He's been even more sweet lately than I have ever noticed before. and we talk about our relationship and how we can communicate better and treat each other better etc. which I'm not sure if this is normal for a platonic friendship with a man and woman or if I am seeing way too much into it because of my own feelings.
So, I am absolutely definitely in love with him, more sure of this now than I was before. I have a very strong feeling that I will spend the rest of my life with him, not just that I want to but that I will. I think he feels the same way but we are stuck in this frustrating friendship place and I don't know how to try to move it forward or when is the right time (maybe he's not ready, I'm trying to wait but afraid I'm waiting for nothing). We have talked about moving in together and were very close to getting an apartment but it fell through. I think we will live together at some point soon. On one hand I think its a great idea because we will know even more whether we are compatible and it will start to set up the feeling of what it will be like to be married. But, I also see this being a problem because I might just be setting myself up for torture living with someone I'm in love with but only friends with. And what if he gets a girlfriend? I would be so jealous I can already imagine it. He has also never had a girlfriend for the duration of our friendship and we do not talk about that sort of stuff, it's pretty much avoided, so I have no idea if he is seeing someone, he doesn't mention anything about other women or dating so if he is seeing anyone he is keeping it a secret from me. I have also never dated or been in a relationship since we have been friends. In a way I think our friendship makes it very difficult to even want to meet someone else, but I don't want to anyways I just want to be with him.
So
#1 does this sort of situation/relationship seem normal?
#2 is it normal for me to want to live with him with this current situation?
#3 is it normal to feel like I know for sure that we will be married someday and I am just waiting for him? or am I being totally delusional?
Thank You for any advice/guidance/personal experiences that could help me get some perspective. This is my first time writing on a forum.