To guys - is it hopeless? what should i do!

20 Comments

Okay, so to make a story short, I really have feelings for that guy, I told him but he said he doesn't feel the same. He still calls and asks about me, and sometimes gets mad when I don't talk to him. The problem? I just keep hoping :( It's terrible. I think about him all the time and yet have to ignore him and act okay when I'm not :S If you say "no" to a girl, is there a chance you might change your mind later on?

Also, what do you think I should do about it? Walk away or be around? How can I win his heart? Would it look like bad - pathetic if I stayed? Do guys really like the girl who ignores them and act like she doesn't care? Or the one who tries to be there for them? - Please comment below if you have any advice - girls please comment too if you want.

If I say no, it's a final NO 9
I might change my mind 10
I could say no because I'm actually not sure 18
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Comments ( 20 )
  • fullhouse
    11 years ago

    Been in a one sided love and it sucks big time. What I realised was life was much easier once I moved on. The pain will remain but I am sure glad She didn't accept my love. I realised that We were nothing alike and wouldn't have lasted.
    Now I am with this most precious girl and I love her more than anything and anyone I ever loved. Move on and stop entertaining. him, it'll give you pain and nothing else

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Wow :D I'm glad it worked out for you with someone else :) This really gives some hope..

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  • WasThatAMoth
    11 years ago

    This one is a tough one. You can grow on him and he'll begin to develop feelings for you. Or he simply won't. Its impossible to tell. But don't ignore the guy. Keep talking to him.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      It's already been over a month since we talked last :( You see the problem here is that I don't know how to act. I don't know how guys think. I mean when I talk to him, sometimes I just feel like I'm making it too easy, and so he'll never like me this way. He definitely might be sensing that I'm still into him, so that could be a turn off I guess. You get my point? Would showing care make someone less interested or what? Also, I'm really passionate about this..I'm afraid to keep hoping and then nothing happens. I don't wanna ignore him..I think about him all the time! But I feel I have to :( And how long should one wait anywayz? I've already been waiting for quite sometime and hoping..

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  • lufa
    11 years ago

    One time I turned down this girl let's call her Amy who was really into me, she was cute but on the skinny side and I was interested in dating her hot friend Kelly-and eventually did. Amy asked me out and I turned her down.

    Later I realized the hot girl, Kelly was an airhead and Amy had a way better personality and I was very attracted to her, but it was too late. I think I broke her heart because she completely refused to even hang out with me after.

    So a 'no' isn't a final no-but it just depends on how well you click with this guy. If he's pursuing you it's possible his feelings have changed. If he still has no interest in you then just cut him loose-don't torture yourself by having him in your life knowing he doesn't want you.

    I had another situation where I liked a girl and she wasn't into me. I spent some time with her, hoping she'd eventually change her mind but she didn't. So I don't chase after people now.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      The thing is how would I know :/ I can't ask him again :/ It will look toooo pathetic. Sometimes he's just too sweet and at others he's kinda distant..Also, I'm not sure if I should stick around or what, I mean like you did with that 2nd girl..I still DO like him but I don't know how he thinks..wouldn't it kinda kill it if I remained there..I thought guys like being challenged or sth, not make it easy for them..would he think I have no pride :/ I really don't know..I keep over think it :(

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      • lufa
        11 years ago

        Sometimes it helps to just be honest and clear the air. Now he could be nice to you cause he knows you like him-so you might be reading into things. However if he's flirted with you and sent mixed signals then call him out on it.

        Ask him one last time if he has feelings for you, if his answer is the same, I'd just move on. It's not right for him to lead you on if he's not actually interested. Also you don't know what his motives are either-he could be stringing you along till something better comes around.

        Yes it's good to make a guy work for it a little. I think when a girl gives in a bit too easily, he has less respect for her-but you have to judge the guy. The hotter a girl is, the more intimidated the guy is going to be so she should lower the bar/make it easier if she likes him.

        One time a girl asked me out, she was very attractive but really bold, it intimidated me. Fact is I would've gone out with her if her approach was a bit more low key.

        Anyways as for this guy I'm sure you really like and want him-I've been there too hun, but you need to have a clear answer so you can put it to rest and either date him or move on to a better prospect.

        The fact that he goes from being 'sweet' to 'distant' is not a good character trait in my humble opinion. He might not be there for you when you really need him.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          Lufa, thanks for ur reply..your advice really helped me :)You know, I've done that before, I mean telling him about all those mixed signals (that was after I told him I have feelings for him and he said he didn't feel the same). Actually, it was those "signals" that encouraged me to tell him. But he said he didn't mean anything and wasn't thinking..And like you said, when he acts nice now, sometimes I just feel "well, maybe he acts nice bec. he knows how I feel" :/
          grrrrr..I just don't know really..I'm tired of thinking..Not sure I can talk to him about this again..Just wish things were different..

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          • lufa
            11 years ago

            You're welcome and I'm glad you found my advice to be helpful. :)

            I think you have your answer in your post-at least it's very clear to me.

            It's possible that he's just sparing your feelings because he knows you like him, but he doesn't feel the same way about you.

            This reminds me of another girl who I was very attracted to in my sociology classes at university. She used to stare at me a lot, flirt and so forth.

            When I asked her out, she became withdrawn and said she has a boyfriend. Then she'd go back to staring and flirting again. I resolved to end the contact between us, but she came onto me even more.

            What I regret not doing was calling her out on her contradictory behaviour-politely, I really should've done that. However I had to protect my heart-for lack a better word, so I completely cut things off with her.

            Maybe she was a little crazy, I don't know-I just thought she was very beautiful and we'd be great together, but she wasn't meant for me-I accepted that and moved on.

            I believe it is the same situation for you as well. You seem like a great girl-invest your time in a man who truly deserves your attention.

            Mind you I did learn a great deal from such experiences. Rather than hoping and hanging on by a thread for a girl I really want, I now only accept firm and clear interest.

            I put a premium on my time and if I sense she's half-hearted or sending mixed signals, then I'm out the door and I never look back.

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  • squeallikeasacofpigs
    11 years ago

    He's just stringing you along, just forget about him and go find somebody that will actually like you in the same way that you like them. You deserve it brah

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  • dappled
    11 years ago

    It's impossible to say. The longest relationship of my life was with someone who, for two years, I loved as a friend but really wasn't attracted to in any other way. And then it came, almost from nowhere. Without wanting to give you false hope, feelings can change. I'm not saying they will, but only that they can.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Yes dappled I understand..again I don't know..I'm afraid of hoping..I mean it would be easier if I can just let go and see what time can do..the problem is I really can't get to that point, where it doesn't matter that much..Also, I think I kinda ruin it because I said it first..I mean in your case, you were friends and then sth happened. For me, after I told him, I feel like I just can't go back to being friends :( I feel so self-conscious around him and care too much :/

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  • Failedcasanova
    11 years ago

    Man this is a tough one. Well I've been on the flip side of this, a guy who gets blasted by a girl he cares about. She said no, I hung around, we're still good friends. I mean was it "No I don have the same feelings for you." Or "No, I don't want to mess with what we have right now." Then there is "No we can't date....because I have a girl."

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I honestly don't know :/ I feel, for me it was a mixture of all that..I dont feel the same+I don't wanna lose you, and he was in a kind of relationship then :/ :( But it wasn't sth serious..

      but tell me, you said you're still good friends with that girl you liked..you know I've been trying to do this..actually it's been a year now, but I just can't stop thinking about him, not as a friend :S I don't know if he senses it, but sometimes I just want to tell him again that I still have those feelings for him :S But I think it's just a bad idea..did you have any of these moments with your girl? Ever gave up and told her you still want to be more than a friend?

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      • Failedcasanova
        11 years ago

        I had to hit rock bottom and realize it was never going to happen before I was over here. It will help you if you can look at his flaws, what he dislike about him. Those little habits that you find irksome. For example I have to explain my sense of humor to my friend because I'm a very dry sarcastic guy. And she isn't the brightest. But we're the best of friends where as we would make a horrible couple. Seperatation will help as well. Take maybe a month or two and simply don't talk to him. Tell him you've a personal problem that you need to take care of and you won't be available to talk to or see. That sounds rough but trust me it works.

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      • 1000yrVampireKing
        11 years ago

        Maybe they want to be your friend. Maybe they do not think since you are the oppisate sex they need to get in your pants or with you. Maybe they care for you as a person not a lover. You are going to have to except that they do not want you. Some people just will not like you nommater how much you love them so just move on. Yes they might be wonderful but they are not going to be yours.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          *Ouch* :D :/ You're right Danny, I know this might be true too..I'm just not sure I can live with that, since I'm not moving forward. It's really very confusing

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          • 1000yrVampireKing
            11 years ago

            Well it is not fair to burden them with your obsession. Stop punishing them for what you feel. They could be a complete jerk to you but seems they give you some sympathy. Hear the expression "Give them a inch and they take a mile"? Yeah that is what you are doing. This is harassment now stop bothering them it is very rude.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              11 years ago

              danny, I never said they were complete jerk :/ And I'm not punishing anyone either..Did you read my post? I was just saying that I like that guy and is still hoping, what's wrong with that?

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