To feel so conflicted about yourself?

I don't know so much today because I feel like I'm having an "ugly day" as I'd put it.Im a 22 year old male,I also have autism.My early life was filled with embassment and not knowing when I was going too far,and eventually became avoiding people.I smoked a lot and kind of still do,weed now but things have changed.We all go through that awkward phase were things are changing.For me as soon as I hit my 20s everything got a bit thicker lol.Not sure why but my bones just uprgraded.

Anyway I still avoid people commonly only speaking to be polite,I hardly social network.I spend a lot of time listening to music, thinking spiritually and imagining things.I have also noticed girls of all ages treat me differently now, I'm not saying they all like me,but shits definitely hard to get used to. I suffered from so much depression my whole life, I don't really(outside from sleeping with girls) know how to act confident.

My whole life I've done sort of financially bad because of my inability to communicate with confidence to strangers.Im also a white guy who loves almost all black music, I'm just a big ass contradiction.I used to think deep down maybe I was made for something bigger and that's why societally I always felt like dieing.Nobody really seems to get that type of depression when it hits you, they all seem confused.Is all this stuff, in any sort of way normal?

Cuz I can not for the life of me figure out what makes me or any of us important and I have such bad self worth but yet, I think a lot of depth mentally.