The nature of cheating and my view on it. iin?

27 Comments

Alright, here it goes.

I don't mind my girlfriend having sex with other people. At all. What I do mind, is her lying about it to me, since the lying part constitutes betrayal, not the sex part (again, at least to me).

But what I am wondering now is this: Isn't one of the reasons for cheating the secrecy of it? Isn't the adrenaline that people get from having sex in secret an essential part and cause of cheating?

And if it is the case, am I not taking away her source for adrenaline? Isn't she potentially going to seek a way to sublimate cheating with some other kind of dishonesty?

Or am I actually taking away the reason for cheating, since she is always welcome to sleep with any guy/girl she wants without destroying our relationship?

Any input would be nice, thank you.

Sex also constitutes cheating; lying about it is just a concomitant 7
You are taking away the reason to cheat by this kind of behaviour 2
Other (please share) 3
She is eventually going to seek other forms of dishonesty 10
You are sick for "letting" her fuck other people without dumping her 8
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Comments ( 27 )
  • howaminotmyself
    8 years ago

    Cheating isnt always about the adrenaline. Sometimes it is about seeking something that is missing. Sometimes it is for revenge.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Fair point, of course. But in our case,there is no need to be dishonest about the missing "something", regardless whether it is of a sexual nature or not.

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  • theseeker
    8 years ago

    It's very hard to understand that viewpoint because I couldn't live like that, but if you allow each other to sleep around then you have an understanding there and that's fine I suppose.

    What you should be concerned with is the lying part. Really, there would be no reason to lie if this is the case. I believe all relationships must have trust. Lies and secrets will kill relationships regardless of how they're done. Then again, my views seem to be much different than yours.

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  • Aries
    8 years ago

    If she is off with other men frequently , what makes her your girlfriend ? because you live together ( I can only assume ) but even so , she's just a roommate really and you are just another man she fucks . I don't see the point in this , at all .

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      I understand. Quite a lot of people feel that way about relationships like ours.

      What makes her my girlfriend? I don't know, the fact that we love each other comes to mind.

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      • Aries
        8 years ago

        I also love a friend of mine , she isn't my girlfriend though .

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    • slings_and_arrows
      8 years ago

      But there are polyamorous people out there. It's hard to understand maybe for you and me...but it feels right for them. Just coz your having sex with different people doesn't necessarily mean you cant have a meaningful emotional relationship with one person. Pornstars and prostitutes (ok not the nicest examples) can have a relationship thats separate from all the sex they do.

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      • Aries
        8 years ago

        It sounds more like a friend with benefits to me but I understand what you are saying and it's true . It sounds like he is saying she fucks other men and he stays loyal to her unless he left that part out . If they were polyamorous I don't think he would be throwing around the word "cheating"

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  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago

    I dunno what to say, because except for the fact that you've posted it here it's really none of my Goddamn business, but for me personally I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than share my sweetheart with any fucking body. I don't share gum and I sure as Hell ain't never gonna be down to share a do called significant other or myself! Anyone who could be interested in an open relationship could NEVER be my soul mate!

    When I read posts like this I thank God for the serenity of solitude.

    I'm not trying to pass judgment on you, I'm just being honest about my feelings and opinion.

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  • Lariii
    8 years ago

    I think cheating constitutes doing something without permission, and it sounds like both of you have permission to sleep with other people, so I guess you have an open relationship.

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  • mystery7
    8 years ago

    Whatever floats your boat as far as yr GF having sex with others, but my only question is aren't you worried about STDs from her having sex with any number of other people?
    (if it was me I'd be concerned about it)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      It doesn't worry me that much, to be honest. I trust my gf to be careful and responsible.

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  • JD777
    8 years ago

    Reading between the lines, sounds like you don't trust her - not good if you want an open relationship (sexually) with honesty.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Where exactly do you get that impression from?

      I do trust her, actually. But cheating happens, even in good relationships, and I am trying to explore the nature of it.

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  • [Old Memory]
    8 years ago

    I hope she doesn't pass any STDs on to you.

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    • slings_and_arrows
      8 years ago

      Sounds like you hope she does...

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      • [Old Memory]
        8 years ago

        No, I wouldn't pass judgment.

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        • RoseIsabella
          8 years ago

          ...but I would.
          :-)

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    • RoseIsabella
      8 years ago

      Tell it!

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  • Fall_leaves
    8 years ago

    So if she just said "hey, I'm going now to meet up and sleep with someone else." You would be cool with that? Wouldn't that make you insecure and want to ask her every intimate detail about what happened though? And then cause you to believe she's being deceptive if she didn't give you the details.

    You wouldn't worry that she might fall for the other person or that they might fall for her?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Yes, I would be cool with that, absolutely. I don't need to know the details, but if she wants to share those - it's fine, too. Won't bother me in the slightest.

      As for the last question: She might fall in love with someone else regardless of me not minding or not wanting her to sleep with other people. If she wants to leave, she will leave anyway.

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      • Fall_leaves
        8 years ago

        Is it her or you that wants an open relationship? Would she be ok with you cheating as well. I don't know many people who would be able to do this without the relationship suffering.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          8 years ago

          We both do want it, at least I hope so.

          I think you and I understand different things under the term "cheating". I can say this, though: According to her, she would be okay with me sleeping with other women, but not with me lying about it. However, I haven't seized that opportunity up until now.

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  • NathanScot
    8 years ago

    I completely understand you mate...i have the same view.

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  • Pinger
    8 years ago

    Maybe she does it bc you don't show her you care. A typical woman would want you to get all macho and fight for her.

    Seems more like a friend w benefits.

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  • gypsythepedosailor
    8 years ago

    I like to be anally fisted.

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    • DickwaffleTheGreat
      8 years ago

      good for you mate

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