The crime of douchebaggery

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31 Comments

My friends are in strong agreement that I am a douchebag. They say that my inability to understand my own condition is not surprising because douchebags lack perceptiveness. Fine, I say. But surely there must be some way I can become enlightened to my social cluelessness. "You never will" is the reply. You are and will be a douche for life.

Can you help me understand my condition? Are they right? Please vote below?

Voting Results
83% Normal
Based on 6 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 31 )
  • SheikhShazam
    6 years ago

    Douchebags abound on Member Chat. The conversations rieck of douches in motion. Go to Member Chat to learn more.

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    • [Old Memory]
      6 years ago

      The chat aint all bad, man. I don't go as much but when I do it's not as bad as you've described, from my experience.

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        6 years ago

        Perhaps I should go to Chat, and ask if Douchebaggery interests anyone.

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  • HelicopterDick
    6 years ago

    I just consulted my Urban Dictionary. The definitions aren't clear except that "Douchebaggery of the Highest Order" for example would be if Steven Hawking faked being crippled. *smirk*. Maybe you're a bit disingenuous.

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  • McBean
    6 years ago

    You could be over-compensating for a small penis.

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    • RoseIsabella
      6 years ago

      My God, that's brilliant! That just may be the key to it all!

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      • McBean
        6 years ago

        Boom, boom! Break out by learning to dance like MagicMike, the male stripper. No way is that guy a douchebag.

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  • KiwiWisdom
    6 years ago

    You shouldn't let your friends limit you. Learning new things is a good thing. Social blindness doesn't mean you're a douche. You might just be naturally inconsiderate - or maybe you just haven't been given the chance to be. In the end, maybe the person who calls others a douchebag is just projecting. Only you can draw that line though.

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  • onaplane
    6 years ago

    Since when did "douchebag" become a "condition"? You don't seem like a douchebag if you genuinely want to know how or why you are one. I'd say ignore them

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      My friends say it's a condition. How can I know if I'm happy about my condition? Maybe douchebags think it is fun to be pathetic.

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      • onaplane
        6 years ago

        It's definitely not a condition. Douchebags are just assholes, they can't help it.

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  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    Soooo, how are you a douchebag exactly? All I've learned so far is that your "friends" call you a douche and won't help you figure out why and how to stop.

    ...All I've learned so far is that your friends are moreso douchey, from the info provided.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      I find the same question to be quite puzzling. I do not fake being crippled just to gain admiration by making myself look like Steven Hawking. My friends could be lamp lighting, but it's the definition of Douchebaggery that eludes me.

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      • RoseIsabella
        6 years ago

        Lamp lighting? You mean gaslighting, right?

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          6 years ago

          Yes

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  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    So how do you feel? Do you wish to remain a douchebag or do you wish to break out of it?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      In an effort to broaden my horizons, I would like to break out of it. In this way, I will learn if there were pleasures of Douchebagging that I simply took for granted. Given that this enlightening moment occurs, I may in fact decide to become a better man.

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      • RoseIsabella
        6 years ago

        Well, how are you a douchebag? Can you give me some examples of how you behave, and what you do that makes you a douchebag? Tell me about some of the shifty things you do that make you a so called douchebag please.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          6 years ago

          I appreciate your help, but I just don't know.

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  • AntiArchon
    6 years ago

    It ain't your fault ur brain wired that way. But you better stick to ur kind and leave dem good folks alone

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  • LuxM4G
    6 years ago

    It's cooler to be matured and sensible, rich educated women go for it.

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  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    Please elaborate.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      Lets say that you're a cinnamon fox. You don't know what cinnamon is. There is no way to show you. What do you do?

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      • [Old Memory]
        6 years ago

        Geez that is hard. Maybe get a third person opinion then. Get someone besides your friends to observe you.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          6 years ago

          Well okay, my observation is the you are foxy. What do you think about me?

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          • [Old Memory]
            6 years ago

            I do not know you. Therefore I cannot make judgment. However, I do see that you like anonymity.

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  • Dustyair
    6 years ago

    Yes, you're guilty, and you've been sentenced to a life of it.

    FUCK YEA MAMA, BLOW SOME GAS OUT OF YOUR ASS!!!!!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      So you're saying I should embrace my Douchebaggery even though I don't really understand it. Right?

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    6 years ago

    Let's do a thought experiment. Do women love the bags they use to douche their vaginas? No the don't. They dump them in the trash. The point is that nobody loves a douchebag. A douchebag is a thing that gets used. That being said, please know that any further comments by you will be thrown in the trash along with used douche bags having the scent of dirty vaginas.

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    • RoseIsabella
      6 years ago

      You know that not all actual douchebags are the disposable type right? Some people still buy those old fashioned red, rubber douche bags that double as enema bags, so maybe it's not as bad as it seems.

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        6 years ago

        Okay, so I see. The implication is that Douchebaggery, or to be more accurate, the Art of the Douche has evolved. Perhaps before the onset of our disposable culture, douche bags were known as, "Old Trusty". Thanks for raising the point. Trusting is a good thing.

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