Tempting me with death, iin?

17% Normal
12 Comments

I used to have an on and off relationships with Ana. For those of you who don't know, "Ana" is short for anorexia.

I stopped seeing Ana a long time ago. I'm happy and healthy now. I've even been growing taller from my greatly improved nutrition. I realise that anorexia is an illness. It is death! I never want to go back to being with her.

However, she has begun to crawl out of the woodwork and try to reinter my life. She nags me. She begs me to come back. She comes at my moments of weakness. Sometimes, I find her offers to be tempting, but I don't want to go back to her. I love life and I don't want her to kill me. She is pure evil. I wish that she would leave me alone.

I tried getting therapy for this, but it didn't work and only worsened the relationship. I got over it myself. I simply can't afford therapy.

IIN? Can anyone else relate?

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17% Normal
Based on 12 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    It really all boils down to your accepting yourself as you are, not trying to be something you are not. When you look in the mirror, you need to say to yourself; I look fine. You do look fine, you know. The lie is that you don't look fine.

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    • CountessDouche
      9 years ago

      Eating disorders are incredibly complex. I don't think you can simply boil them down to issues with body image and self acceptance. There's a bit more depth to the problem.

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      • thegypsysailor
        9 years ago

        You've got to start somewhere, right? 'Kill her before she kills you. Make fun of her name.'is just silly shit.
        90% of this IS all about self image, not the disease. Loss of self image creates loneliness. Loneliness is emptiness. Emptiness needs filling. Food is filling. Food is love. Food is fattening. Fat is ugly. Ugly is low self image and around we go again. Very simplistic, but true none the less.
        So we're right back to accepting yourself as you are. First step. No quacks or shrinks needed.

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  • JJM19
    9 years ago

    Kill her before she kills you. Make fun of her name. Create childish acronyms. "Ha, Ana. Always...not attractive!". Point and laugh. She will start cutting herself and you'll know you're doing well. Keep it up. One day she won't show up and you'll get a call from her mom Bella saying she killed herself and never wants to see you in their neighborhood again.

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    • Ellenna
      9 years ago

      Aren't there any self help groups for people with anorexia? Either in reality or on the net? Bet there are ......

      Suggestion to talk back to "ANA" is a good one, this can work with addictions too, I used to argue out loud with the nicotine voice that would whisper that one drag on someone else's smoke wouldn't hurt me, when I knew full well I'd be smoking 30 a day again in a couple of weeks.

      Yeah, just keep telling ANA to fuck off - oh I just remembered I used to literally put my fingers in my ears and go "blah blah blah I can't hear you blah blah blah" - sounds silly, but it did work after a while. Only prob was I didn't do all that until I'd been smoking for far too long, but that's another matter

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      • Avant-Garde
        9 years ago

        There are, I'm sure.

        That's very good advice. The thing is, the offers have stopped and now I feel as though she's slowly taking me over. I'm starting to feel ill again and the obsession is beginning to crawl back.

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        • Ellenna
          9 years ago

          I don't understand your reference to the offers having stopped?

          Can you put up a fight AND get some support from anorexia groups? NOT the ones on line that think it's a good thing to starve yourself to death, but healthy support groups.

          She can't take you over unless you let her, but you do need help with this, please get it! And please let us have updates so we know you're ok

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          • Avant-Garde
            9 years ago

            I've never really been one for going to support groups. When I was younger, especially in regards to my EDs, my family didn't seem to want me to get help for that. The only cared about what others thought and thought that I would snap out of that shit.

            So, this mentality has carried itself onto me as an adult. I feel weird about going admitting to others that there's something wrong with me and going for support. The Internet being an exception to this. Plus, my family is very nosy so, if they found out, I know that shit would hit the fan.

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            • Ellenna
              9 years ago

              Well I guess if you get desperate enough you'll try anything to change your life for the better, even the dreaded support group ........ I know it's hard, but no-one's gonna come knocking at your door with a solution, unfortunately, you'll have to find it yourself, and I wish you well with that

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          • Avant-Garde
            9 years ago

            Ana has stopped making offers to tempt me. Not that long after you wrote your comment, I remember being so overcomed in Ana. It was horrible. I felt so weak, I thought I was going to die. My dreams were centred around EDs.

            My health is being effected. I am no longer short like I used to be. I'm growing taller and I'm still underweight. When I was shorter, I could be 90 something pounds and underweight, but it wouldn't have been too much of a problem. My body is being damaged. I'm under so much stress, worrying that my teeth are going to fall out and now I wonder what is being done to my already thin bones.

            I'll admit that this week, I've sometimes only eaten one meal a day but that was before I put two and two together. In general, I eat rather sizeable portions of food and I take mineral/vitamin supplements. It seems like I may need to increase my intake. I can't hold any weight.

            No matter what I do, my matabolism burns through it and/or my body leeches it. I was eating a lot of meat and cheeses and I still was very thin. Right now, my skin feels tightly pulled to my face.

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