Temper tantrums from an 11 year old

49% Normal
12 Comments

I recently moved in with a girlfriend of over 2 years. She has an 11 year old daughter.

When my girlfriend and I are in our bedroom (or any room) and close the door, the daughter throws a fit. I mean bad ones - slamming doors in the house, screaming through the whole house that she hates her mother, throwing things, and crying. No good reason is given for this besides - "the door was closed."

I think it's weird that the daughter never directs her anger at me too, being new to the house and all; every emotional episode seems directed at the mother. Also, when me and my girlfriend are in the room together with the door open, the kid is fine. If only one of us (doesn't matter which one) is in the bedroom with the door closed, the kid is fine.

I really, really don't understand this at all. There's nothing on the internet and no one has ever told me something like this happens. I have an undergrad degree in psychology, and still, never heard of this.

I don't get it. Is this normal?

Added info: The daughter's father is completely out of the picture. The mother's solution to the tantrums is to whoop her (which gives mixed results). I really just want to try to understand what these outbursts are all about.

Voting Results
49% Normal
Based on 140 votes (68 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • PiAnt
    14 years ago

    Lovely comfy upbringing mate?

    Too close to the problem?

    Put yourself in the kid's shoes for a minute.

    Real dad has left her. A new guy arrives to live with mum. Mum hits her apparently because she knows no other way. She lives in fear of being left alone, so much so that even a closed door wil induce fits of terror, which you, even with a Degree in Psychology, interprets as a tantrum.

    Surely someone with a Degree in Psychology can see some kind of story emerging here?

    I know I can.

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    • illhonky
      14 years ago

      It's hard to analyze situations with a close emotional connection. Very good points.

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  • linwe
    14 years ago

    Get to know her and let her know you haven't taken her mom away like they all said. But under no circumstances give her control over your relationship with her mother. You and your girlfriend also need to get on the same page about discipline or she will play y'all against each other. That's normal kid behavior in that kind of situation. I have 4 step daughters all teens and they have done everything imaginable but now as they are older they respect me for standing my ground. And also spankings aren't a bad punishment, it's just one that should be used wisely and NEVER out of anger!!

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  • Sarrie
    14 years ago

    Clearly she doesn't want any action between you and mummy. :) Perfectly normal.

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  • la_uva_mojada
    10 years ago

    the child's actions is most likely due to your girlfriend's job as a parent.. sorry to be so blunt. the daughter most likely needs some kind of therapy.

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  • YourBiggestFan<3
    13 years ago

    Oh maybe she is having tantrums cause her deadbeat dad left her. her moms beating her. and your not doing shit. you wasted your money on college. cause obviously It do anything for you.

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  • ashez
    13 years ago

    I did the same thing. When i was 8 my mom and I moved in with my stepdad. It was almost the same situation and my real dad was out of the picture. i was used to having my mom all to myself and absolutly resented my stepdad. I knew what was going on behind that door and didnt like it one bit, it still makes me feel sick just thinking about him touching my mom. I think if you guys bring her in there with you guys and have the door closed but just watch a movie or play a game or something every now and then it may help.
    i know in my case i just did not want to share my mom and was scared of loosing her....
    Just dont start trying to control what the little girl does and dont boss her around (my stepdad did that and i hate him) just try to be her friend and be there for her, i think it will really help.

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  • eXigrrL
    14 years ago

    Get to know her.

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  • Killcam
    14 years ago

    She probably feels like your hiding something from her and she wants to know what it is.

    It's pretty common in young kids.

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  • PollyPocket
    13 years ago

    the mother sounds like an ignorant B. what kind of solution is beating the kid? no wonder the kid is crazy. she has a cazy mother. and you must not be too smart yourself. you guys sdnt be bringing up a kid.

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    • illhonky
      13 years ago

      Polly, I have a degree in Psychology and am a member of Mensa. Questioning my intelligence doesn't help. Although, you have properly demonstrated the emotional nonsense responses of a typical teenage girl.

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  • Simply_Abnormal
    14 years ago

    Well..could be she feels shut out...the fact you are new to her life, she would feel an insecurity that you may take her mother from her, of course she doesn't take it out on you, because she's probably been bought up in a way to respect other people, she blames her mum for bringing you into the house, it's difficult for her, don't close the door...spend more time with her, show her she won't lose her mum...simple

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