Ask Your Question today
Is it normal, for you to tell your girlfriend/significant other, that you "love" them, because they say that to you, even though you're not sure that it is love, and not sure if those words are actually coming from your heart.
Okay, if you aren't sure it's love, chances are, it's not. No, scratch that! It isn't love, you'll know if you love her. If you are coming here to question it, you definitely don't. Either tell her the truth, or cut your losses.. Because with chicks, time is very important, they are going to feel like they wasted their time and yours. So just cut your losses, or tell her how you feel.
I've had several ex-boyfriends tell me that they love me within the first two weeks of dating. Every time it's happened, I've had to keep changing the subject or pretending like I didn't hear them until I had a couple of days to think about it. I searched my feelings and after that thinking period I was always able to say it back and mean it. But a friend of mine told me that her experience with the opposite sex is that there are two type of guys: ones that say 'I love you' so easily it means nothing when they say it, and then there's the type who waits until they're really sure that that's how they feel and it means so much more when they say it then the first type of guy. My friend said that women are naturally predisposed to wanting to be in long term relationships, so for guys having the same/similar feeling of love that we have is harder to come to. So if a guy says it too fast and too easily, then he's probably lying to you and/or to himself. After hearing her explanation, I'd have to say I agree with her. The guys who said "i love you" within two weeks of the relationship all ended up being jerks. Now if a guy says it too soon, I take it as a warning sign that he probably isn't 'the one' for me. Any ways, my advice is, if you don't feel it, don't say it. Explain to her that there's the potential of love, but you're just not ready as fast as she is. And make sure to tell her that when you feel it, you'll let her know, but that it's not something that you can force yourself to feel. If you decide to take the cowards way out and lie to her, than on some level, she will sense it. And if she senses it... well, you know how guys are always complaining about girlfriends with too much drama? It's a good guaranteed way to make any normal girl start in on the 'drama' because drama is usually a code word for testing. Girls genetics make us wonder if the guy they feel romantic towards would make a good long term mate or not. If she senses that he isn't being honest with her about something that big, she'll start to doubt him and question his potential as a mate. She'll unconsciously set up little tests in her head for him and if he doesn't love her, he'll most likely fail the tests, making her more and more unhappy. And then the 'drama' that he caused by lying will make him stop feeling anything at all for her and then the relationship is over. Don't lie about something this big.
No.
When my boyfriend told me he loved me and was in love with me, I told him I wasn't yet. And he was okay with it. Eventually I was.
Don't lie to her. If she's not okay with it, then maybe she's not the one for you.
There are different forms of love, so you are never really not telling the truth. You could love her like you love candy ;-)
Anyone can convince themselves that they're in love. It's the fact of life...
I really hope that my boyfriend means it when he tells me he loves me....D: this makes me concernd....
Yeah you can tell her you love her. But if it doesn't mean sh*it, then you will start to feel guilty. If she finds out that you only like her tits, then she will kill you. I have had that experience. Not a good one.
Yeh, if she does love you and you know you're also nearly there yourself, then there's no reason to be THAT honest, just say yeh i love u too so she feels happy and then when you DO really love her you can say it with more confidence and she never knew the difference.
Don't hurt her.
try explaining your feelings without using the word "love" and then say "if that means I love you, then so be it!". Then you look all thoughtful and philosophical
I have the same internal conflict as you, but I'm very straightforward and so this is what I said to my boyfriend, word for word.
"I want to say I love you, because in a way I do. But I don't know what love is. Not that one, true, spend the rest of your life with them, love is. But I do know how I love family, and how I love friends, and I know I love you more than that. So yes, I love you, as far as what I know love to be."
Wow! Very insightful, I've never found a way to say it that easily. You rock!
My first girlfriend told me she loves me within the first week of us dating, and it really freaked me out. Just imagine, if she can be attatched to you that much and that quickly, what could happen if she ever got angry with you? I find that it mainly occurs from a difference of definitions of 'love'. Some people say thaey love you, simply because you're in a relationship with them. However, even fewer people, like me, think of love as an ideal, as something that doesn't happen immediately, but that grows and develops over time into something more wonderful than you can imagine.
You are going to have to be honest and true to yourself at some point. That you ask that question says thats where you want to be. Good on you.
Love is a word.
Unfortunately you can never really tell if it is coming from the heart, you just have to believe that it is.
Love is a four letter word and never spoken heere love is afour letter word herr in this prison- The day that never comes by Metallica
If you feel it say it. I fell in love once in like 5 minutes and I told her because if you have something important to say don't think about reactions just get it out
When you tell her you love her you give her all the power over your emotional state.
If she doesn't at least have strong feelings, she can manipulate and turn you into a wreck.
Sorry for the cynicism but after years of this stuff I am more keen to see the downside.
Be careful here.
What a load of crap! Look if you in your heart truly feel genuine about it it's always better to be honest than boastfull so you'd just tell them, and you'll then get your answer if there all stand offish or avoid you then you lost them and they don't deserve you anyway because you actually have the guts to say it rather than being a chickin shit with an excuse.
In other words if you feel it say it it will only expose the player within or the real intentions of the other if it's does not come back the way you'd like it too or it drags on.
I think what u r doing is kind os playing wiht her feelings! u r just raising her or his hopes... the fall will be harder
i told my ex-boyfriend that i loved him although i knew i really didn't in THAT way & it really hurt his feelings & so i don't think you should tell a girl you love her until you feel it & for all you know, she could just be saying she loves you just because she feels she has to. ask her.
Well would you like to be lied to? The answer is clearly no. Don't say it until you really mean it & then it makes the moment all more special (y)
well, it's normal in the sense people do it, but I also think it's kinda low to say it if the other peron means it and you don't. not saying that doin it makes you a bad person, but it seems unfair to give people false hope.
Its better to not say it than to say it without meaning, if they ask just tell them what you told us "your not sure how you feel".
Yeah it's normal, just don't let her find out that it's not coming from your heart.