Stressed out

33% Normal
2 Comments

Ok there is this house with four walls and a column in the center which is the main bearing column. One of the walls fall down and the other walls and column have big cracks in them. The column becomes very fragile and collapses although in a fixable way... Now imagine this house is a family. The first son died of heart failure at 32 years old. A year later the mother couldn't bear the pressure of not having her son with her anymore but survived an aneurysm rupture. She is now in a wheelchair but it seems she turned into a child. The third daughter is spending her time on her computer as always and seems she cares nothing for her mother and the second daughter became a mother shortly before her mother collapsed and feels as if she has nowhere to return in case her wedding fails because her father acts as if he has forgotten about his daughters. My question is: is it normal for the second daughter to feel responsable of all this?

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33% Normal
Based on 15 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • CountessDouche
    8 years ago

    I've been sorta wanting to respond to this thread, but I don't feel as if I have the right things to say.

    Your analogy is telling, because a singe column could never support a house; it could never bear the full load without breaking. You can't take everything upon yourself. You just can't do it. How could you handle so many lives when you haven't figured out your own?

    My little brother is similar. He was sorta..."the go to guy" when my family had huge problems, and I think it led him to put a huge amount if pressure on himself, and subsequently develop some obsessive perfectionist personality traits and an eating disorder, to boot.

    You need to understand, that having your own life and own goals...it does not make you selfish. Looking out for yourself does not mean that you aren't looking out for your family. In fact, if you're doing ok, you can do a much better job of looking out for everyone else. You can't take care of anyone when you're sick and tired yourself.

    It's ok to take some time, to figure things out; it doesn't mean that you are abandoning anyone, and in fact, you might be able to do better by them if you have your own life in order.

    It's ok to be selfish in the short term. You've made it clear that your goals involve taking care of the people that mean something to you, and that is a selfless and amazing thing. Not everyone would do that.

    You need to take a break and stop blaming yourself and get your priorities in order. It's ok to tell your family that you need some time, that you will commit everything you have to them, once you have more to give. They love you, and they'll understand.

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  • Rainbowbash
    8 years ago

    Listen. I went through the exact same shit with my family, and let me tell you. In some way, it MAY be. The best thing to do is smile, and find out anything that may have even been related to it. Come to terms with it. And make sure not to forget the first step, as it is the most important. What's done, is what's done, so you have to make the best of it, meaning cobble together what light you can. Support your mother all you can. If she's a drama queen, she needs to realize that before she can be helped. Support your Da as well, as he mostly feels it is his fault by hiding, and acting.... Alone? Help him out, too. And if your wondering how, the best you can do is listen. Because it's the only thing in the world that's changed anything in the world, besides war. And talking. As for your sister, I don't know if she can be helped, besides from the inside. Humans hate to have their train of thought disrupted, so you'll have to join it. Whatever she does on said PC, you may have to do as well to get to her, or maybe her child.

    God bless - RainbowBash.

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