Straight people

First of all, let me make it clear that I don't hate straight people and I'm not heterophobic or anything like that. I have a number of straight people in my family. But like many decent people, I'm very concerned with the pushing of the straight agenda on our society. It seems like everywhere you turn you're bombarded by the media telling you that you should accept this kind of behavior. I really don't care if you're straight, just don't push it in my face. I mean, you look at the tabloids and all you'll see are pictures of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt holding their baby. That's sending a message that heterosexual behavior is okay. What if kids see those pictures? I don't want to explain to my son why a man and a woman are out holding hands in broad daylight! He's too young to understand and it might confuse him. But it's well-known that heterosexuals target children. My son was reading Harry Potter, which I thought was good decent stuff. But then I found out that at the end of the book all the characters get married...to the opposite sex! I know some people may not agree with me, but in my religion it's a sin to marry the opposite sex. I just don't want my son to turn straight. I don't want him getting a girl pregnant or catching AIDS. Straight activists like to say that "AIDS isn't a stright disease" even though 90 percent of AIDS cases are in heterosexuals. It's not hate to point that out, it's just a fact. I think there should be a law that denies them the right to marry. By the way, I'm not heterophibic.

Voting Results
47% Normal
Based on 89 votes (42 yes)
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Comments ( 42 )
  • Noggerz

    That was an awesome, wonderful, and very well-said satire on the hateful ignorance that prevails in the American society - the same kind that galeni and imtherealtom are stuck with. Thank you for such a wonderful post. Kudos!

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  • sovlover

    Its clearly a joke, and I think it was brilliant.
    It;s making fun of people like you guys who are saying all the negative stuff about it right now.
    hulloooo...

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  • FerretInsanity

    Dude, it's brilliant.
    Straight people rant like that all the time. 'the media throws homosexuality at us, it's against my religion, our kids will be effected, they'll get aids, no, I don't hate homosexuals'.

    You are a genius.

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  • Nattie

    LOL, this is great! :)

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  • fallandmiss

    Hilarious. Nicely done. You know what I love about the internet? All the people that couldn't recognize joke if it bent them over and let them have it.

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  • gbaby3cakes

    Haha,

    That was great, wicked satire.

    Although, it was pretty blunt. I'm not sure how some people on here don't understand this...

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    • PoisonFlowers

      It does go to show how silly people can be (Doh!) and that just adds to the point.

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    • PoisonFlowers

      Nor I! I thought it was excellent!

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  • spidersylar

    My favourite part is the 'I'm not heterophobic or anything like that. I have a number of straight people in my family.'

    The number of times I've heard this said by homophobes... :P

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  • violet3

    Im guessing you're the one who wrote the post... Clever but lame at the same time, people like you have way too much time on their hands if you don't mind me saying =]

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  • Flabbergasm

    HAHA! this is so satirical, it's like you took a comment about gays and replaced "homosexual" with "heterosexual" and "Ricky Martin and his gay lover and baby" with "Bradgelina".

    I'd have to say this is rather well written! 'Tis as if I were in Opposite Land!

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  • Jemima

    Pancakes fo' everyone. Made wid mah bress' milk. Yes sah!!!

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  • Snape666

    fucking homophobic

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  • residentuvDOOM

    Dude I'm going to have a beer and have sex with my beautiful girlfriend, cause I'm straight.

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  • lemoncakex3

    Brilliant sir or madam, absolutely brilliant :D

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  • IveGotBallsOfSteal

    that was fucking awesome! LOL.

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  • combatgal856

    Ummmm, that was just confusing. Did you just make up any random religion??

    Infact you need help from a provesional because non of that made sense. Parents of today would prefere their children grown up in a hetrosexual world than homosexual, as that is how humans carry on.

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    • Stryker

      HOW DO YOU GET THROUGH LIFE???

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  • Team_Cullen

    I'm confused. o.O

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  • SeparateGravity

    Hehe. Very nice.

    Borderline brilliant, perhaps. ;]

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  • pink_apple

    You want your son to be gay because straight is against your religion? How about accepting everyone for their choices. You can't change the world you just have to not let it affect you.

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  • Leviathan

    Lol, this is funny, nice one.

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  • loverdude

    BEAUTIFULLY SAID!

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  • residentuvDOOM

    First of all:
    How can you be such an ignorant and selfish bastard. You let your son marry whoever and whatever he wants. You don't need to be a control freak just let him do whatever. This post was just stupid, and those who adore it are just as ignorant as the author. Also your Harry Potter excuse is as lame as a donkey's ass. You can't just blame a whole set of social contracts on one mere book, or coincidence. I know this was a joke, and a dumb one. If your trying to say that homosexuality isn't accepted then go complain to some liberal who cares. I don't hate gays, I just hate when the say they are being suppressed. There is more important things going on out there than your sexualities rights. So whomever wrote this, is as stupid as his followers. Also if you think your shit don't stink, cause your so deep and liberal, you can go die with the rest of those stupid people whom are destroying america and making it that flag-burning, foreign hugging, pansies.

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  • hornsby123

    OK, faggotry is around for a very simple reason. Faggy boys are genetically predisposed to having higher levels of oestrogen, which overrides their testosterone and transforms them into mincing, lisping bumders. Why does this unfortunate phenotype persist you ask? Why isn't it wiped out via natural selection like other negative mutations? Well, the sisters of queers also have higher Oestrogen, thus predisposessing them to be sluttier and so have more children. This of course causes the high oestrogen locus - the 'gay gene' if you will, to be passed on to the offspring of these women. The higher whoreability of these women means the lack of children produced by the gay males in the family is outweighed, and thus the mutation does not die out like it would if it was simply Y-linked. Gay men are an no more than an unfortunate side effect, a sacrifice for the greater good.

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  • Thank you, whoever wrote this. I'm sick of living in this straight male dominated world. I'm a straight female, but I'm sick of being viewed as a piece of meat. We're all pieces of meat to them.

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    • stupid_username

      i for one hate this story and dont understand what people are so mad about straight people. im straight and a male and i dont think all men view women as meat. i dont my freinds dont. so....WTF

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  • Lol, I love how some people don't get the joke! Makes my day ;)

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  • oneandonly

    ok, im confused, u hve a son but you cnt marry the opposite sex o.O What religion is it anyways?

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  • violet3

    Excuse me but erm... WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU ON ABOUT? Being hetrosexual has always been accepted ever since the world was created! You've obviously made your own religion up for god knows why...
    Either you're really stupid or just plane jokin about this whole thing for the fun of it. Either way, you really need some help (•ิ.•ั)

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    • stupid_username

      i agree

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  • imtherealtom

    you sir, are and idiot

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  • Mike_Taylor

    lmao, made my day. Anyone who didn't get that this is a joke should just go die. Stupid people dont deserve life.

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    • xxinsane_sweetyxx

      stupid people should live? wtf r u on!

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  • galeni

    if this is a joke, is not funny
    if it is not a joke then i hope you die in a horrible way!

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    • loverdude

      and your an idiot!

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  • lesboland

    I love this hahaha

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  • alv1592

    I can't tell if this is a troll or not. But I don't think any religion is against heterosexuality. Unless OP made up his/her own religion. And I'm guessing OP's son is adopted?

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  • DenverWagner

    It's clearly an exaggeration, but I think like that unironically. Heterosexuality is just weird.

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    • Fuck you nigga, heterosexuality is the norm, gayness is NOT... That's how its been since the beginning of time and it will always be like that whether you like it or not.

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  • missmeow

    LOL. Awesome.

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  • hippocrocapig

    Just to be clear.....

    You are anti heterosexual

    But you have a son?

    I DONT GET IT!!

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