Should victims of child abuse "forgive" their parents for abusing them
If you're not much of a reader you can skip to the last paragraph.
My therapist asks me every few months if I can forgive my father for abusing me (physically, verbally, emotionally, and shaming me about sex). My father has never apologized and never will. He believes he was the epitome of what a father should be. So, my answer to my therapist has always been, "No."
I can let go of the anger and resentment. I can accept the past for what it is and move on. I can understand the socio-cultural circumstances that lead to my father's authoritarian style of parenting. To me, bestowing forgiveness is not necessarily synonymous with letting go.
I believe there's empowerment in choosing to not forgive. A parent who abuses their child and won't ask for forgiveness doesn't deserve a pardon from the child (adult child).
It's different when mustering up forgiveness for an 'outsider', someone who didn't have any authority over me during childhood. I find forgiveness is [relatively] easy to give to people who have transgressed against me who were strangers, friends, lovers, employers, co-workers, etc. They never had the same responsibility and power over me that my parents had.
TL;DR
How do you feel about it? In order for a victim of child abuse to move on, find peace and happiness, do you think they have to forgive their abuser even if the abuser refuses to admit any wrongdoing?
| victims of child abuse should always forgive | 4 | |
| victims of child abuse should forgive IF they receive an apology | 18 | |
| victims of child abuse should NOT forgive | 44 | |
| Other | 11 |