Should i take what my bf said more seriously?

37 Comments

I had a yelling fight with my boyfriend, who I live with, the other night over him spending too much time at the gym and he said
“I swear to fucking god *my name* if you keep pushing me you’re going to wind up in a real bad way”
After he said this I gave up the fight and locked myself in the bathroom for a few hours.
We made up the next day and I questioned him on what he said, he said he meant that he’d hurt my feelings.
He’s never put his hands on me and rarely ever curses or raises his voice, he is a very relaxed man, but he’s also a pretty big guy, and I know if he ever did get physical I’d be in big trouble. Should I bring up what he said again?

Yes 24
No 16
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 37 )
  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago | pl

    I wouldn't trust him. If I were you I'd tell him, "if you ever put your hands on me you're going to jail, and it will be over". If he reacts in any sort of anger you need to seriously think about ridding yourself of him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    6
    6
      -
    • nikkiclaire
      5 years ago

      I agree with this. What he said was a veiled physical threat meant to intimidate and control.

      He may just be an idiot, doofus but I doubt it. That word choice was intentional.

      Most people won't get that angry.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      3
      3
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        5 years ago

        Yeah, you are spot on about this douchebag's choice of words!

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          5 years ago

          It just left me so speechless because he’s so incredibly... “docile” is the best word for it. He takes things very slow and carefully and really gets upset more than anything when things get heated. He doesn’t fit the “Angry man” trope.
          Fights stress him out, and I feel like he was already a little confused about his schedule and was frustrated with me rushing him

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • RoseIsabella
            5 years ago

            I think you're making excuses for him. Did you ever at least ask him if he was threatening you?

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • Anonymous Post Author
              5 years ago

              I did ask him and he said you meant he would hurt my feelings. I don’t want to seem I’m making excuses I just feel a little guilty talking about him this way and painting him as a brute

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
        • [Old Memory]
          5 years ago

          All you do is to insult men. I'm starting to think you have no life outside your home and loneliness with cats. Who are you to call him a douchebag? Who are you to judge this man who didn't do anything to his girlfriend, not even insulting her, let alone touching her? You can't understand the fact that tension inevitably occurs between people. She is the one who started, she said she was complaining about his lifestyle and had a yelling fight. Why are women always right and always entitled to insult men?? She even said she knows that fights stress him out and STILL she started one with him.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          -2
          -2
    • IrishPotato
      5 years ago

      It might be abusive, but I don't think the guy is seriously malicious.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        5 years ago

        I think he's not very trustworthy. It is as Nikkiclaire said, "a veiled threat".

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • bigbudchonga
          5 years ago

          Ye, it's something not nice, whatever it is.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
        • IrishPotato
          5 years ago

          Trust worthy, idunno. But it did sound like from what I read more something the guy yells when he's angry than a serious threat.

          I have them blocked so I have no clue what you mean.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • RoseIsabella
            5 years ago

            Well, she said that the comment was a veiled threat. I kinda think it is too.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • IrishPotato
              5 years ago

              Yes and no. I think in the moment they wanted to hurt, but they would never follow up on it.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
  • leggs91200
    5 years ago

    Ok it is like this -
    I know this first hand. For people who are heavy into a sport or in this case, weight training, they do not want anything to stand in the way of their training. They get into a routine and as someone said above, it is a lifestyle, not just some hobby.
    They do not want someone trying to tell them how much time (or not) to be at the gym.

    Furthermore, please understand that if it came down to you or his gym lifestyle, he would likely pick the gym.

    It is nothing against you. Just know that weight trainers (and probably other athletes) get tired of others telling them it is not important. Non-athletes have NO clue how important a training regimen is.

    And finally, do not pick at his nerves for any reason. Large, strong, testosterone-filled males are quite dangerous when aggravated.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • IrishPotato
    5 years ago

    Bring it up but gently. Not in an accusing way. Try and be understanding.

    The guy doesn't really want to hit you, there are just people in the world who can't control what angry things they say and sometimes they're just so out of control they say the worst things possible.

    I don't think he'll hurt you. Try and talk to him. Try to understand him and THEN tell him how you feel. It's usually the best way to go about it in these situations.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Annie25
      5 years ago

      Agree with Irish frenchfries

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • IrishPotato
        5 years ago

        Thank you.

        I'd like to add that starting with understanding how he feels despite you having a bunch of emotions sounds weird to you OP, but take it from me that it will result in a more pleasant outcome.

        By showing him you want to understand him, he won't immediately feel attacked and by not feeling attacked he won't get angry and will definitely be more empathetic and caring about the whole situation.

        I hope that makes sense to you.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • paracetamol
    5 years ago

    Just forget about the argument. He perhaps said that out of frustration.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • [Old Memory]
      5 years ago

      Damn paracetamol, back at it again with the bad advice.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • paracetamol
        5 years ago

        Of course She should just metoo his ass.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • mc_abby
    5 years ago

    I would feel threatened if my boyfriend said that to me. Just be careful and if he ever lays a hand on you, drop him like a hot potato. You are important and should be treated as such. Dont let him forget that. I dont know the depth of your situation, he might be a swell guy, but you should never turn a blind eye to a threat. Just take a deep breath and talk about it calmly with him. Let him know that it wasnt okay for him to say that to you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Sacksize
    5 years ago

    It’ll get worse, give it time.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • gillam1
    5 years ago

    Sounds like you're making excuses for him already.

    You needed to scold him for saying such a thing to you.

    ended with, "Don't you ever threaten or speak to me like that ever again!"

    If he loves you, he'll respect what you say and won't ever cross that line again. Don't let him make excuses for you and tell you you're over reacting.

    You set the boundaries on what you'll allow to be said to you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Annie25
    5 years ago

    If you strongly feel that you want to ask him again. Do it.
    And make it clear that you have been thinking about it and it stresses you out about what he said. Tell him how different he sounded tell him whatever you feel in a calm way, try to understand him and make him do the same with you
    Ending it abruptly is not something I would suggest but to bring up the matter again is a yes yes
    Watch how he reponds to it this time. It will give you clarity on what to do next

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • bigbudchonga
    5 years ago

    I think you just have to believe him or not. I can understand why this could be taken one way or the other. I really think it comes down to his personality and if you believe him. I don't mean to stoke your fears, but maybe he has a girl who he knows fancies him, and is thus there if things get to hot with you, or maybe you've told him a lot of secrets and he could spread them. (I wouldn't focus on one of these things specifically,) my point is that there are a lot of things he could have meant that just haven't popped to mind.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • SwickDinging
    5 years ago

    I've only ever had one partner say that sort of thing to me, and he became violently abusive towards the end of the relationship. I've never experienced someone saying this and not meaning it. But maybe that's possible, I dunno.

    Also tell him that if he ever goes for you that you'll hit him right back and it will fucking hurt. Of course you'd be fighting a losing battle, but just let him know that you wouldn't lay down and take it. I wish I'd said that to my ex the first time he threatened me.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • factcheck
    5 years ago

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • FortniteDude
    5 years ago

    Or just let the guy enjoy gym time? For most it's a lifestyle not a hobby.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • CDmale4fem
    5 years ago

    If you have to, get him to a point again and see how far he will go with his anger. He is more than likely one of them boys that think they can be a muscle bound p.o.s. That can do whatever they want to whoever they want, whenever they want. Is he taking steroids at all so you know ? Did he rather suddenly look like he got really bigger in a very short period of time ? If he's taking steroids be careful of "'Roid Rage". Some guys get all angry and stuff when in steroids, I'm thinking they get mad because supposedly they can't get erect as much or as big as it "once was". When someone tells you something like That keep a diary and let others know so if something does happen there will be someone that can help police if you go missing. And for him to use that language and to "swear to I'm God" I detest people that talk about my God like that. Why don't people show the respect to our Lord that he gave and showed to us. He died in the cross for us. And people talk like that about him. That's sad.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -4
    -4
      -
    • IrishPotato
      5 years ago

      Get him to a point again on purpose? Girl, people aren't experiments. They're not toys.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      2
      2
    • leggs91200
      5 years ago

      Look up Deuteronomy 22:5 and then see how you feel about things. Yes that is right, people like us, my TG sister, are an abomination.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
    • factcheck
      5 years ago

      Intentionally making someone angry is not ok, ever. And doing it to see if they physically hurt you is insanity.

      Please don’t ever suggest that to anybody ever again.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0