Should i stay or go?

9 Comments

I love someone who has a girlfriend. I've known him for a month. Yes I said I love him. I am not IN love with him. I just love who he is.
I don't know what is happening and don't know what to do. He likes me too. He hasn't cheated on her with me at all. He just hides all our messages away from her. Our conversations are not explicit at all, just friendly, yet he feels the need to hide it from her.
I know his girlfriend from way back. At the age of 13, she was asking men she barely knew to get her pregnant. At 17, she finally got pregnant and the father left 2 weeks later. She then carried on her heavy drug taking. She has never bothered to work. She's a no good piece of shit.
I am a lot better looking than her. I would put on pictures but don't think it's fair. I'm not the best looking of people but I do get a lot of attention. She is an absolute state. I work my ass off all day, every day in law school trying to get somewhere in life. Yes, I wouldn't mind having a baby too. But guess what? I didn't get knocked up at 17 because it's unfair on an innocent baby. I want to support my children with a supportive husband! Never been near drugs in my life. I have ambition, aspiration and attractiveness, she doesn't. And most of all, I have morals! She doesn't know the meaning of the word!

We have been talking every day for about a week now. And we only met a month ago so clearly if anything is going to happen, it won't happen any time soon since it's too quick. But it's killing me that he's with her! He's such a good, nice person and all what she does is drain his money and make him look after her baby. He can't see that. I knew her years before he even met her. I know what a fucked up person she is. But then I think what if he never leaves her, even though he wants me :(

I can't take him being with her any longer. But yet I can't take being away from him.
If you chose stay, please tell him how do I keep strong and carry on?

Stay 16
Leave 11
I don't know what you should do 3
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Comments ( 9 )
  • Shroot
    11 years ago

    If you go there will be trouuuuuuuble

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  • 1000yrVampireKing
    11 years ago

    Do not go and try to mess up other peoples relationships.

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  • Ldizzy1234
    11 years ago

    That girl sounds really stupid. If he can't see that, then he's probably stupid too. Too stupid for you.

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    • losthere
      11 years ago

      agreed, it tells you a lot about a person/guy by looking at who they are with or who their friends are. Obviously he is choosing to be blinded so he stays in the same shitty relationship because can't be bothered for change and is "comfortable" where he is at...or he is stupid like her, maybe not totally but part of him isn't stable otherwise he would already be with you.

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  • Mr-Myrtos
    9 years ago

    Other you like or not, you love him or not, you dislike her or not, as long as they are a couple you must respect their relationship. Behind what you see there might be a strong reason for them to be together and you have nothing to do with it.
    She might need him badly and the baby might need him badly. Ever thought?
    A guy under those circumstances for sure knows what he his doing. Believe me!
    He might just be faltered with your messages or he might even love you a lot but the reason not to leave her he doesn't have to share them with you. You can go on conjecturing why and never know why.
    If you love him so much just tell him...once, and there's nothing else you can do, only wait patiently if he decides to leave her.
    He might be a very responsible guy and if there is a baby needing his presence and economically than you probably have to forget him or take him only as a good friend.
    Have you ever thought for personal reasons can't leave her? No matter what!
    If after all this you don't want to give up on him you can only be his lover. I'm sure he will go for it.
    Many options in this life. Is just a matter of knowing if you are prepared for them.
    Are you mature enough for a guy with that kind of life?
    For what you write he seems to be a mature fellow with a complicated life.
    In your shoes I rather get read of such an idea and if you can't just be a friend step of. You are asking for trouble. Better wish someone who's free instead of someone that already belongs to another person.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I must have wrote this post nearly two years ago. I can't even remember so. Since then, I have moved cities twice and been in a further two relationships.
      But thanks for the advice anyway, maybe others could relate to it if they need it.
      As an update about the particular situation, I am not totally sure if they are together anymore. He deleted his Facebook after I called things off with him (which must have not been long after I posted this) and all pictures of them together have mysteriously disappeared from her Facebook too when she always had a picture of them together as her profile and/or cover picture. I saw him about two weeks after I called it off and he tried to get my attention, but I did what I thought was more sensible and walked away. He crosses my mind every now and again. I kind of regret walking away because we might have been something. But I quite like my life now and I wouldn't want it any other way. I sometimes think about what could have been. It kinda makes me sad. Ultimately, everything happens for a reason and I glad I took the more mature option rather than breaking up a family for my own feelings. I could have very well been the reason for their split but my conscience is totally clean.

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  • Metazoa
    11 years ago

    Stay and fight for him. Its simple. You don't like her, she seems like a dope from how you describe her. I would for a girl I wanted. If he don't follow up and leave her then atleast you know and can move on. This to others can be seen as a bad thing though as you trying to destroy the relationship deliberately and yada yada yada with whatever other crap tacked on to it. So, depends on how much esteem you got about it and if you really care about peoples opinions on it to begin with. Be sure he def is into you tho.

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  • Darkoil
    11 years ago

    Lay all your cards on the table and ask him to leave his girlfriend, in my experience you don't get if you don't ask.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    go and dont look back, let your ambition take you to greener fields

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