Should i send him a valentine's day card

15 Comments

I will try to be concise. A man I met over a year ago as my doctor is the first man I have felt interested in for a *very* long time. I changed doctor because I was only making appointments to feed my desire to see him and this was motivational for a while before eventually becoming impossible to withstand. He has been exceptionally friendly and I am unsure if I should interpret his behaviour as showing interest or just friendly. I live in a tiny town where it is very difficult to meet men of my age (29) and get a chance to become acquainted. Dating is so full of fakery that I just find it boring. I fear that if I let this go I might regret it. He probably cannot take contact with me because of ethics. I have not seen him since December.

It is Valentine's Day soon. Should I put a card in his mailbox?
What have I got to lose, right? Or...?

I welcome advice, questions and comments, please vote :)

Yes, be romantic and tell him how you feel. 9
No, it will be a disaster. Give up. Find somebody else. 2
Yes, but be subtle. Keep a little mystery to pique his interest. 14
No, find another way to find out if he is interested. 2
No, wait to see if he will contact you. 3
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Comments ( 15 )
  • dom180
    10 years ago

    You've got nothing to lose, and I think hanging back and waiting to see if he does anything has a very low chance of success and would just be an excuse to not confront the fear of rejection.

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    • Hayze
      10 years ago

      Thanks for your reply dom180 :)

      I think I am going to put a card in his mailbox. I mean, at worst it will be a bit awkward when I see him out and about which is fairly infrequent.

      At least I will have done something. Better to regret taking action than wonder what if I had. That is my usual policy.

      Part of me wishes I had never met him. Yet at least he has helped show me that I do still like men. That guys of interest to me do still exist in real life! I was seriously considering just looking to my own gender. Or get a dog for companionship and live in a fantasy world for those *other* needs ;)

      I am going to my brother's wedding back home in England in March so I hope that I meet some interesting people there to give me a more balanced and hopeful view of my future options.

      I am not desperate though, I like my current single life. I just want to start meeting people. However, it is a concern to me that it is quite realistic to expect in 5 years time I will not have met anybody new who is "my type" for want of a better description of that special chemistry. UNLESS I change my options by trying to actively *find* new people to interact with. I get plenty of attention, which at least is a great confirmation and reassurance, but it seems it is extremely rare to feel that spark of chemistry. All the guys who like me get friend-zoned at best, and I do wish it could be otherwise because a lot of them are nice people who will make some lucky lady very happy.

      For now I have other things to focus my attention on and be happy and single. The reason for my poll is that I want to avoid regretting a missed opportunity.

      I still want to hear what people have to say.

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  • Pika-girl
    10 years ago

    Maybe keep the card light... I mean not too romantic, not too harsh.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    maybe meet surprisingly first and gauge his reactions ..

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    • Hayze
      10 years ago

      It is an idea but I guess I would have to stalk him in order to bump into him "accidentally". I am not sure I want to do something that extreme. I could just wait until it happens naturally. I have seen him out and about on a rare occasion.

      *sigh* I do not really know what to do though. I mean, if he were actually interested wouldn't he have done something a little more clear to show me? Not just sharing a few songs and chatting about random stuff. He was probably just being friendly.

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  • Pika-girl
    10 years ago

    Man... I wish I could feel loved. My crush said to me,"You're too young to have a crush!" after my other friend blurted stuff out about my sister's... But he's only a year older than I am...

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    • Hayze
      10 years ago

      He could have been trying to provoke you into confirming his suspicions about you having interest in him. Do you think he might suspect? Did you react overtly, even blushing or behaving differently?

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      • Pika-girl
        10 years ago

        I'm also shy with other people, though, so nothing different. I just feel a bit more free to say what I feel!

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        • Hayze
          10 years ago

          That is good. Have fun with it :) Maybe some day he will think about you a little differently. Perhaps his comment was a hint that he would be more comfortable when you reach a particular age.

          Maybe you will find somebody else to feel limerent for. At least part of me is hoping for the same. I doubt I have a chance with this guy so I have to hope I forget about him after I send him a card and hear nothing back. Maybe I will pleasantly surprised and all the unusual behaviour meant something. Only one way to find out.

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          • Pika-girl
            10 years ago

            Yes! Stay calm, send the card, and leave it! It'll all be over by next week! (2-14-14) I hope you would get love back from him! Don't worry about it too much! I'm sure he's nice.

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      • Pika-girl
        10 years ago

        But anyway... We're really good friends, but Me is still in the Friend Zone! Hehe! I got hope!

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      • Pika-girl
        10 years ago

        No! My friend blurted all of our crushes out! Never trust her with relationship secrets!

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  • Lonely2
    10 years ago

    Do what you want and it could lead to more but it is a little presumptious because you havent even had coffee together...if someone did that to me and we never even flirted or anything ..it would make me feel weird and hurt the blossoming relationship...just do a regular thinking of you type card and tell him you really appreciate him etc....hell get the hint that you like him...valentines means there is a definite romance happening..you aint there yet

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    • Hayze
      10 years ago

      I agree that super romantic would be a bit too over the top. Yet I cannot get to coffee date without doing at least something. I cannot count on him asking me on a date spontaneously given how risky that could be for his career if I happened to be the type to get super offended.

      Did your comment mean I should not send this card on Valentine's Day and just wait a bit longer? I am open to that idea. I just thought that Valentine's Day is a great excuse to send a card in a light-hearted way... maybe I was wrong to think that it is less significant that way?

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      • Lonely2
        10 years ago

        Yeah, I would NOT do Valentines because that could creep him out....you have a perfect opportunity otherwise by just sending him a little thank you card or what not at another time saying how thankful you are that he is your doctor because he is so whatever....hell get the hint because most people dont send cards and yet it will not overwhelm

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