Should i only date women of color because of my daughter?

14 Comments

I had my daughter when I was 16, I'm 22 now. I'm aryan white and her mother is black. I have her weekdays and am working on a case to have full custody soon, but her mother believes I'm unfit to raise a mixed race girl on my own because I'm "ignorant to American childhood customs" (I immigrated from Russia in my preteens) and that I have "no knowledge of black culture or women's culture"

I'm not straight or gay, so it isn't like I'm suppressing my sexuality for my daughter, but I've been trying to not date at all as she grows older. I don't want political correctness that gay couples have every right to have children stuff, I really just want to know what's best for my daughter. Her mother has told me that I should only date black or mixed women so that she has an example of someone with the same cultural background or whatever. She also tells me dating a man should be entirely out of the question.

I'm trying to build a family, I want a role model for my daughter, but I don't see why her role model has to be her same race? She's still 50% Slav in my eyes. I've been talking to a guy for a little over three months, he's met my daughter and they get along great, he's a clean guy, very well put together and has his head in the right place. I'm just not sure if being in a same sex relationship is what's right for her.

Should I only date people of her same race and sex? Should I prioritize that they are her same race and sex? Or should I really just bring a good solid person no matter what they are into her life?

Only date women of color. 1
Only date women. 3
Try to date only women of color. 2
Try to date only women. 2
Date whoever you want. 37
Don't date at all yet. 3
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Comments ( 14 )
  • gyarikkuhou
    7 years ago | pl

    Date whoever you want.Fuck colour.

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  • charli.m
    7 years ago

    I suspect you don't get to place such orders and restrictions on what choices your child's mother makes for herself. Seeing as you're challenging her for full custody, I'm not sure why she thinks she can make silly demands. If it were me, I'd be more focused on getting joint custody that trying to control the life of an ex.

    Do you have family in the country or are you going to be raising your child by yourself?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      I'm raising her on my own, I have a steady good paying job and work 35 hours a week in night shifts. I'm working on getting my masters and I'm at my classes the same time my daughter is at school so it all works out that I don't miss much. I also have a female roommate who I'm very very close friends with who helps out a lot.

      All of my family went back to Russia three years ago.

      Her mother is very much not involved, in and out of prison/community service, engaged to a drunk, though she has a paid off home and a lot of family involved, she's a piece of shit mother. That's why I'm trying so hard.

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      • charli.m
        7 years ago

        I'm not criticising you. I'm just trying to work out what support you have. You sound very dedicated and of course that is to be applauded.

        I think you know the answer to your question. She's a piece of shit, by your own admission. She's trying to exert control over you. You have a right to do what makes you happy, and doing so will often be what is also best for your daughter. To be a good parent, you need to be happy and have support. It doesn't sound like you're bringing just any old person into your child's life. It sounds like you understand that it is a big thing, bringing a potential step parent into your daughter's life.

        I'd suggest joining a parents forum for support. 99% of the users on here are cunts, and there are several, if not many, paedophiles.

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  • Hugz
    7 years ago

    No one sees color when you are in a relationship. Date whoever you want. And tell that Hoochie-Mama to stop being so racist, and go mind her own business. Good luck in court!

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  • factcheck
    7 years ago

    Date whoever you want, obviously. It's great for her to have women of color as role models, but the people you date aren't going to be the only role models in her life. She can look up to WOC like Maya Angelou, Harriet Tubman, and Rosa Parks. Michelle Obama is about as good a role model as you'll find anywhere in the world today, of any race and any gender, and she's a woman of color.

    That said, I'm a little concerned about that "political correctness" nonsense in the middle. Why the hell would gay couples not have full rights to children? Aside from the fact that it's not hereditary, and aside from the fact that it's not something you learn or decide to do because of your parents, that also makes you sound incredibly ignorant because THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY. Even if gay parents did increase the chances of their children being gay, that's not a reason to keep them from adopting.

    That's yet another example of how anytime the phrase "political correctness" is used, you can take out the word "political" and leave the "correctness" or replace the whole phrase with "treating people with respect" and the meaning of the sentence stays the same.

    "I don't want correctness that gay couples have every right to have children stuff,"
    "I don't want treating people with respect that gay couples have every right to have children stuff,"

    See? Never fails, the meaning of the sentence stays exactly the same.

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  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    Your ex is just trying to control you.

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  • do_chicks_have_dick
    6 years ago

    colour doesn't matter

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  • sparkleBitch
    7 years ago

    Date whoever you want just be sure they understand you have a daughter, that they treat her well and that she will come first more often than not.

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  • yesnomaybeso
    7 years ago

    You seem like an awesome dad

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  • rayb12
    7 years ago

    Fuck the baby mama, she isn't your wife for a reason. That is some ignorant backwards shit. Being black isn't a culture. You could marry a woman who just moved from Uganda or someone with some Haitian blood but that has had family here for generations, or a white guy from south africa! There is nothing that holds together all black people. Not even skin color as that varies tremendously as well. She is advocating for something purely superficial. It would be one thing if it was wanting a Nigerian mom, or to be raised like a specific religion, but just black is some ignorant request if you ask me. She shouldn't have slept with a white guy if it was so important her kid have black parents. Also this man/woman thing is dumb too. Your kid might get asked questions depending on where you live. But that didnt even sound like her reason. You need to get this woman out of your mind, she is not your wife and is crossing the line. You aren't dictating who she can and can't be with so she shouldn't do that to you. Think with your gut man. Most black people don't think like her.

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  • Cedric_Diggory
    7 years ago

    Are you sure that she really is your daughter? You never know with black people

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  • Jacob_Zuma_783
    7 years ago

    Her concerns are valid. And it's completely reasonable to want heterosexual parenting for the daughter.

    Now, all this could've been avoided if you were a bit more responsible with your penis. Just saying.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      I don't regret my daughter. This isn't an inconvenience or anything I wish I could avoid. No burden, no restrictions, I'm doing everything now with her that I would've been doing anyway. She fits easily into my life, and I think the timing did us well.

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