Should i just in attach myself completely?

56% Normal
5 Comments

My grandmother has always used her children financially. She lies and tells exaggerated stories. We have had good times but as I find out the truth about her I despise her. She is bipolar and through the years from when I was little hasn't always been hard to tolerate. She's demanding and will throw fits to get her way. Sometimes she thinks she's using reverse psychology but I know what she's doing. A mental disorder can only account for so much. I'm tired of giving her chances. She has a monthly check that comes in and glad she gets to go on trips but she tries to make my parents feel bad for not being able to join her. She wouldnt care if I or them didn't pay our bills to go. To me this just seems very selfish. She has always been self serving and Im 26 and her children are all above 47 and I feel like they have been brainwashed. When I was little they used to make me entertain her by going shopping with her at garage sales. She was embarrassing and would even suggest we take quarters out of the pond at the mall. I actually have stood my ground as an adult but watch her walk all over her children.... she's a very lucky elderly lady that has children and grandchildren living with her to keep her from going to a home...sigh. so many sweet elderly ppl would love to be in her shoes and she is just so bad. How do I stop being this way?

Voting Results
56% Normal
Based on 9 votes (5 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 5 )
  • Lifeistooshorttotakeseriously
    7 years ago

    Stop holding your emotions in. Let them out in a constructive and positive way. (If you see the same behaviours in your father it's likely you'll have to deal with them a while yet. Mental illness like bipolar is believed to be hereditary).

    Stop making excuses for your life. To say that you "haven't had children so they won't have to put up with her craziness" is totally self defeating. That's not the only reason and you know it. So stop the blame game and start by forgiving her for a condition that isn't her fault.

    When dealing with people who have a mental disorder we tend to play roles. Unfortunately your role has put you on the defensive because you feel she is attacking you. So change your role! Stand your ground and play in reality as you know it.

    It's taking your energy because you are investing energy worrying about it. Stop doing that. Try to stop being emotionally reactive and start being deliberately proactive. FORGIVE and seek to understand.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Ellenna
    7 years ago

    In attach yourself? If you mean detach, then yes, that would be a very good idea by the sound of it. It's sad she doesn't realise how lucky she is, but you can't really expect someone with a mental illness to be rational

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • RoseIsabella
      7 years ago

      You beat me to it!
      ;-)

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
    • [email protected]
      7 years ago

      Yes I mean detach. I have always tried to take into consideration her mental illness, but she doesn't think anything is wrong with her. She makes up stories in the Bible to control her family and I think her mental illness is hereditary because I see it in my dad. She wants ppl to see her and nvr leave but your miserable the whole time you're there. She picks fights every other hour. Everyone says I'm being dramatic but even a 30 min visit takes all my energy. I have been going as little as possible. She will harass me if I'm not over there every 2 weeks. She used to be worse but she has over 12 grandchildren and over 15 great grandchildren. Her grandkids visit less than I do. I'm the only one that hasn't had kids bc i don't want them to endure her craziness and I don't think I could make them. I'm just trying to be respectful but it's taken all of my energy to do it anymore from holding all my emotions in.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        7 years ago

        She sounds awful! I'm so sorry you're going through this bullshit with her crazy ass. The first step to get better is for a person to admit there's a problem so it looks like you're in luck, but it seems granny is a needy, self absorbed codependent who's most likely incapable of the rigorous honesty that's necessary for one to begin to get better. I think you're wise to want to detach from her. It's okay to detach, you can still love pray for her and love her from afar. If 30 minutes with her drains you so completely and this issue bothers you enough that you're considering not having children then you have more than plenty of reasons to detach. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty!
        ;-)

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0