Should i have sex with my best friend?

10 Comments

My best friend (21 nonbinary) and I (22 nonbinary) were roommates for my last semester of college and have gotten even closer since I graduated. We have gotten very open and vulnerable with each other emotionally, especially since quarantine started. We text constantly and face time at least once a day. We both have some trauma about sex and sexuality. I was raised catholic and have a lot of anxiety about sex and am a virgin. My friend has a lot of experience. They have been helping me work through many of my issues this year, and I have been helping them with theirs too, beyond just sex stuff. We are in somewhat of a queer platonic relationship. But now that we are talking about sex so openly, we’re both pretty confused about our feelings. I can’t imagine losing my virginity to anyone else at this point, and they have been having sex dreams about me every night. We are very open with each other and talk about everything. Now we are not sure if we should have sex or not. We have been planning a vacation to lake placid to see each other and it would be a great time to do it. We don’t want to get into a romantic relationship and I don’t want anything to change, but I am excited at the possibility of having sex with them, and they are in a similar boat as I am based on all the talking about it we’ve done. Is it possible for us to have sex and things not change? I have had a lot of issues in the past, but they are very aware and responsive to what I need and feel, and I feel like I have probably grown a lot since the last time I tried. I would take any advice. Thank you!

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Comments ( 10 )
  • John671671
    2 years ago

    Yep! Go for it. It sounds like he’s been waiting a long time to fuck you. The “guy friend” thing isn’t true.

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  • fatok
    3 years ago

    It's just sex. If it feels good do it.

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  • [Old Memory]
    3 years ago

    If you both can actually admit to yourselves and each other that you can have sex without anything changing, then just make sure it's a nice memory

    One common problem though is that sometimes people lie to themselves or the other person that they can handle it when they really can't

    That might be why this person has been reluctant

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  • LloydAsher
    3 years ago

    Why would non binary have anything to do with things?

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    • [Old Memory]
      3 years ago

      It adds depth, it gives us as a community more information and a better view of what's going on

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      • LloydAsher
        3 years ago

        Really doesn't mean anything to be to be honest. Doesnt give a clear picture at all.

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        • [Old Memory]
          3 years ago

          Traditionally, you can have some expectations about a man or a woman, especially if they're straight

          That can change if they're not straight, or cis

          Stereotypes shouldn't be wholeheartedly believed in all of the time, but they do exist for a reason, they're like trends

          It's only really bad if someone uses them with prejudice, but as an objective observer, they help paint a broader picture

          I mean at least for me it gave a greater degree of context knowing they're both non binary, I mean the biggest thing being they both probably have experience with negativity with people knowing about their lives, so both of their unique perspectives make a little more sense, like one is well experienced and probably has a strong and well practiced will and the other is shy and timid and wants their first to be special but by their own account needs to find the right head space before they fulfill that desire

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          • LloydAsher
            3 years ago

            Yeah but this whole conversation would have been saved if the OP just posted the sexual orientation rather than the personal orientation. I dont presume sexualities anymore. I just assume they are straight until told otherwise since it's a 10% chance of getting that wrong.

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            • [Old Memory]
              3 years ago

              Saved? Am I coming off... hostile or something?

              You made a statement, I offered my perspective, discourse shines light on new possibilities for both of us

              I agree, orientation would be nice, non binary is rather vague

              But yeah, I think you're an individual and see value in discourse with you

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