Should i feel responsible? is it normal to feel this way?

74% Normal
5 Comments

I'm going to try and be brief.

In Middle School and High School I was friends with this girl. In my eyes she was beautiful, fun, and bright. She thought of me as a friend and nothing else, I on the other hand was infatuated with her. At the time, being young and naive, I thought I was in love. I never felt anything close to what I was feeling then, even to this day. Her eyes were the most beautiful thing about her. Enchanting, hazel in color...anyway.

During my High School days my friends and I began using hard drugs, mainly heroin. We all messed around with weed, alcohol, dxm...etc, but heroin was the new thing, and so far the best for me. I knew she also smoked pot and did stuff like ecstasy but she didn't do the hard stuff.

It was in 2007, during my Junior year in HS that somehow the conversation came up and I told her I did heroin. We talked about it for a bit and she asked me if I could get some for her. The next day we skipped lunch and got in her car in the school parking lot. I opened a baggie and cut a line for her and then for myself. We drove to Starbucks and then back to school and by the time we went to Spanish class she was feeling it.

I remember how happy she looked. She laughed, looked at me and said, "How can you concentrate on this stuff?". The next year I ended up moving to another town and another school, I haven't talked to her since 2007.

Fast forward to present time. I am now 21, and she would be the same age. This past Friday, I got a message from an old friend telling me that she died. I asked him for details but he didn't know. I went on her Facebook and found out that she had been using for years and that she died from an overdose Thursday night. I am bewildered. I can't sleep. I can't help but think that I am somewhat at fault.

Would she have gotten it from someone else if not from me? Would she have even wanted to do it if I had not told her that I had it available? Did she get addicted right then and there when we did it in her car? I will never touch the stuff again.

I needed to get this off my chest.

Voting Results
74% Normal
Based on 38 votes (28 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • Sarahmfarrell
    12 years ago

    In 2009 i came home and noticed i missed a phone call from a very close friend. I was woken a few hours later with the mews he was dead. The police got his phone records and found he had made a few calls to other friends, called me, didnt get answer, tried to text me, dropped his phone and crased trying to reach for it. I dont know if i could have saved him if i hadnt forgoten my cell that night and was there to answer his call. It hurts me, maybe i could have saved your friends and family so much pain. But i realize now there is nothing i can do about it, no way to know if things could have been diffrent. Things just happen, we have little controle. What your feeling is very normal. It helps me to think that everything, good and bad shapes who i am and thats at least one good thing to come from it.

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  • karmasAbich
    12 years ago

    This was trying to be breif? Sorry, but dang.

    It isn't your fault. Talk to someone you trust, and I hope you get some positive feed back.
    Good luck

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  • kellstar79
    12 years ago

    If this was my daughter I would partially blame you an partially blame her. She didn't use it b4 you got some for we so no one can say if she would have done it otherwise. Heroin is nasty an ruins so many lives, not just the users but the family and friends involved in the user. What has happened is horrible and if you blame yourself then you should seek help and talk to a counsellor about your feelings. Going through life with this on your conscious will turn you back towards it. Stay of it! And do something good with your life or you may be the next to die, do you really want your family and friends in so much pain?

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  • i'mrickjamesbitch
    12 years ago

    it's entirely your fault and you should kill yourself!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      I'm sure no one would take advice from you since you're clearly an idiot.

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