Should i contact my aunt/godmother?

45% Normal
5 Comments

Awhile ago, I wrote a post titled "Is it normal, not to be allowed to see your parent's family".

My mother made me promise not to contact my father's family until I achieved certain things, but at this rate, it seems like a won't be able to achieve these things in a timely matter. If I do this, it would probably take a couple of years until I was successful enough to contact them. I feel like waiting is no longer a good idea.

The longer I wait, the less time I may have to get to know them. I don't want them to think that I want nothing to do with them. I'll admit that there's stuff going on in my personal life that I don't want them to know but, I don't have to delve into these details right away. Another issue is that to prevent the wrath of my mother and her family, I would have to ask that my aunt wouldn't confront them about the things that I tell her. Would it be weird to ask her to do this? It is important that she know the truth of the matter.

Is this normal?

Voting Results
45% Normal
Based on 31 votes (14 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    Did she give you a reason as to why she doesn't want you to contact you're father's family until you've had these achievements?

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    • Avant-Garde
      9 years ago

      She did. There were a variety of reasons, one of which was, that I would have to be in college. She ended up chaining her mind and saying that I would have to have already graduated from college and be independent and successful in my career. Most colleges are for 4 years, but my family wants me to go to CC for 1 or 2 years. I think that waiting 5-6 years is too long and unrealistic. Not to mention the possibility of running into the dreaded student debt. I think a late part of these reasons are due to insecurity and racial issues. She told me that since I am biracial, if I wasn't successful it would make me and family look bad to them.

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  • Mekkars
    9 years ago

    Sounds like she is embarrassed by what you have not been able to achieve or maybe they are so snooty that you are not the type of person that they would like to converse with.

    Whatever the issue may be good luck.

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  • lunareclipse
    9 years ago

    I think it's completely wrong of your mom to try an manipulate you in this way. They are your family and you have the right to see them whenever you want, and vice versa, they have the right to see you. The only way it wouldn't be a good idea was if they imposed some sort of a danger on you, which I don't think is the problem. A family will love you regardless of how successful you are, if your mom thinks otherwise, it's her own insecurities. Besides seeing them doesn't mean you have to start spilling some deep dark family secrets straight away. I mean when will it stop? First she'll find an excuse that you need to finish college, then to find a job, then to find a better job, buy a house, get married, have kids... when is it going to be good enough? I'm sorry if I misunderstood something, I haven't read your first post, but I just think you should stand up for yourself. My mom died when she was 50, so many things I wish I could've had time to tell her and do with her. Any day can be the last for your loved ones, so postponing is never a good idea.

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    • Avant-Garde
      9 years ago

      Thank you. I will contact her. The only "secret" I need to tell her is the fact that, as a minor, my communication with her and the others was heavily censored/monitored. It was never my intention to ignore them or to come off as distant. I will ask her not to tell my family. I won't be completely transparent at this stage because, well, they are like strangers to me. I barely know them.

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