Should i agree to break our contract and release him

14 Comments

I have a dilemma. My husband’s always been a bit submissive, he told me some time ago he wanted to experiment with a chastity cage, I hated the idea, but in the end gave in to his wining. He bought one and we experimented with it for a couple of months. I think at that time he got a lot more out of it than I did. He never wore it more than 2 days at a time and I would always unlock him if he asked unless we were actually doing something sexual at the time. He said he wanted more he wanted to wear it all the time and only I could decide when to let him out, he should earn his release. I was still a little reluctant but said I’d think about it. We both did some research on the internet about how to move forward and came up with a plan. He would wear it full time for 2 months with a release every 2 weeks. If at any time either of us changed our mind I would release him and we would forget the whole thing. If not we could carry on but we both had to commit to a minimum of another 12 months no exceptions except unexpected medical reasons. Only I would decide when and if he got released and when and how he got to cum. He was to earn his reward through household chores, pleasuring me and anything else I decided. I now actually love it, he does about 75% of housework, all the laundry and about half the cooking, plus I get lot’s of attention and orgasms. Previously I did 90% housework and all the cooking and laundry. I was usually too tired for sex but made the effort every couple weeks. He now gets a release about once a fortnight, I always tease him for ages then let him know if he will get to make love, wank off or just be locked up again and left frustrated. We are 5 months in to the contract but now he wants to change his mind. I think we made a deal and we should stick to the 12 months as agreed else what’s the point.

Carry on but let him have more orgasms to make it easier for him 1
Carry on but with reduced release/orgasms as a punishment for his complaining 5
I should give in and release him 5
Carry on as it’s what we agreed 1
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Comments ( 14 )
  • charli.m
    4 years ago

    Let's consider your options here.

    You could:

    a) ask here

    Or

    b) ask on a BDSM forum

    You chose a, which suggest attention whoring rather than b, which would be far more suited to your supposed needs.

    Wow.

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    • Maid_in_Pink
      4 years ago

      There are a lot of us here that are part of that community too so you can get the same answers at both places though obviously a few more on an actual BDSM forum.

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      • charli.m
        4 years ago

        I refer you to outcome of point a.

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  • Clunk42
    4 years ago

    Your husband is unhappy with your marital relations. Do you want an abuse charge filed against you? In a proper BDSM relationship, the sadist does not do anything the masochist says they can't. If he says he's done with the cage, he's done with the cage. Argument over.

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    • Maid_in_Pink
      4 years ago

      That's a very black and white statement. In a proper BDSM relationship the Master and Slave agree to an arrangement and both parties are obligated to fulfill that save for extenuating circumstances like the ones mentioned. Medical emergencies are the most common suspension agreement followed by life interference.

      If he just wants to give up and get out of it that isn't an extenuating circumstance in this case it's part of the idea. He agreed as a Submissive to be a part of an ongoing agreed upon arrangement. If he breaks it there is no trust and there is in essence no Master and Slave relationship. It ruins the entire trust dynamic to just quit because he doesn't "feel" like it. He can't ever get that back, SHE can never get that back. It could potentially ruin the entire relationship, marriage and all if the trust is broken. She isn't asking him to do something outside his comfort zone either, he's been doing it, for five months. It isn't an over-reaching addition to the deal or anything beyond what was tested and agreed upon.

      IF and I do mean IF she considers breaking it there needs to be a very affirmative deal put into place to ensure that trust is held. He needs to continue with his duties in full and expect little to nothing in return for breaking his deal. He might not have a cage on but he should be getting sex like it's still on and she's thrown the key away. If he wants to end it because he feels like he's not getting enough sex in return it's about him objectifying her as a sexual object still wishing to not give up his deal but gain sex in return for failing on his end of an agreement.

      In a BDSM relationship that is not just improper, it's down right disrespectful.

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      • Clunk42
        4 years ago

        I'll agree with you. You seem to be more knowledgable than I, but I think it has to do with me thinking of what wearing one of those contraptions would be like, and I imagine him not having a fun time with it. If he gains sexual pleasure from chastity, and he's wearing that thing, then he can't use the sexual pleasure he gains, and all that causes is pain.

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        • Maid_in_Pink
          4 years ago

          You're not wrong. But they did do some testing and playing before the whole thing started and his duration and releases aren't that bad. I can get that he wants pleasure, I mean who doesn't; but he also agreed to a certain degree that the absence or denial of pleasure as well as withholding it for a set period of time. If he's struggling with an occasional release not meeting his expectations she can certainly make those a bit more exciting for him and still be within the bounds of the agreement.

          From experience and having worn a chastity cage for extended periods of time they can get uncomfortable sometimes but there isn't any pain really...at least there wasn't for me. I never did get blueballs or anything either though even before I went full on trans so there might be some issue there that I have no reference for. Regardless though the dynamic of a relationship is important and in this case I think if they ever want to continue BDSM practices of any kind the trust and obedience needs to be maintained as best as possible. If they want to end it all and go back to a humdrum normie marriage it's still important to find a way to bring that trust forward. It's tough to have trust with someone who quite literally just broke a deal for more sex.

          If he's getting uncomfortable or downright painful issues with the chastity cage you can cite that as medical exceptions to the rules too. Those kinds of suspensions of the rules usually require still following the rules as if it were still there though. Still limited sex and stuff but now he can give himself a wank in his spare time which can cause issues since the agreement is still to not do that, the Master needs to trust the Slave just as much as the Slave needs to trust the Master in those kinds of things and in my experience it is way WAY harder to do it without a chastity cage than with one. If you have one on you kinda just know nothing is going to happen but when it's not on...you're like...but it's here...and I can touch it...The pain of temptation is sometimes worse than the pain of denial.

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          • Clunk42
            4 years ago

            I'd imagine that if one gets an erection in a chastity cage it would hurt, but I don't actually know what theirs' looks like.

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            • Maid_in_Pink
              4 years ago

              It doesn't hurt. Some of them if they are fitted correctly actually prevent you from getting them. Others the erection can kinda form inside and it pulls and tugs on things but it doesn't actually hurt, like I said, it's just uncomfortable and usually that discomfort causes them to go away fairly quickly. Chastity cages work for the most part and accomplish their task. I have several and have zero discomfort but I don't get erections anymore either so they are really just for show at this point.

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  • DIO
    4 years ago

    You posted this twice already. Get fucked.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      Actually I have never posted this before as I have never had this dilemma before. I haven’t been on here that long I discovered this site by accident when I was looking for information about chastity. Maybe this type of dilemma is more common than you think if there have been similar posts in the past. Also, if you have nothing constructive to say then why not ignore the post and say nothing. There may be others on here that can offer good advice. For now I have told my husband I signed up for a year and that’s what I expect to do before we review the situation, I have however promised him I will consider whether or not I can go along with his desire to go back on our agreement

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      • DIO
        4 years ago

        I don't believe you at 100% but let's say that it's your first time.
        It all depends on you, really. You can either think a deal's a deal or be soft and let him have it.
        Whichever decision you are making, be sure to explain to him why you made this decision.

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  • dimwitted
    4 years ago

    You already posted this? I don't say this often but that's lame.

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  • Softlips123
    4 years ago

    You absolutely must let him end the agreement if he wants to.

    This is an excerpt from an article giving guidelines on BDSM Contracts (note that a verbal agreement can be considered a verbal contract):

    https://www.submissivefeminist.com/contracts/

    "It is important to first note very strongly that sex contracts between individuals have no legal bearing under the law. Never sign into one of these contracts with the misconception that a) you must legally obey all outlines and b) that you may not opt out of the contract.

    Termination Clause

    Specifically state that either party is free to opt out of the contract and/or relationship at any time without question. If either party feels they have been violated or that their sexual, mental, or physical well-being is in danger, they have the right to end the relationship and thus make the contract void.

    Right For Revision Clause

    Since BDSM is highly about exploration, growth, and evolution, note that the contract can (and probably will) be revised upon either party’s request. If any information in any section changes, keep the contract updated of this information."

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