She gave consent but didn't mean it.

67% Normal

I feel so fucking disgusting right now. Last night I was with a girl I had been casually dating for half a year and we hadn't seen each other in months but we kept in touch.

I went over to hers for cuddles (we agreed no sex before hand) and we spent the night catching up and cuddling and it was lovely then in the morning we kept cuddling and she took her top off and one thing lead to another and I was sucking on her tits and she seemed okay with it. I then asked her if it was okay if I came and she hesitated and then said yes but because she hesitated I asked again and said are you sure? She said yes so I took that to mean she was happy with it. I came and afterwards it was a little awkward and I didn't know why and I asked her if she was okay and she said shes fine but I could tell she absolutely was not then after I pressed her on it she started to cry and didnt tell me why so I just told her I'm here for her and if she wants to talk about it or if she wants me to stay and keep her company or leave I will I'm here for you and she said thanks and I held her while she cried a little after she went to the bathroom and kept saying that she was fine and didn't want to talk about it so I respected that and didnt press it but wanted to be there for her I was silent I didnt know what to say I was confused and unsure how best to comfort her. Then she began to talk about it and told me she felt used and that she didn't want any of that to happen. My heart dropped I didn't understand why she didnt tell me and why she said yes after I asked multiple times.

I would never ever do anything she or any girl was uncomfortable with and I feel fucking disgusting now that I know what happened I have no idea how to process this I cant tell if I did something horribly wrong. I just want her to feel safe and comfortable and not used or anything other than trusting and happy when it comes to sex and our relationship I feel so horrible I have no idea how to process this.

Voting Results

67% Normal

Based on 6 votes (4 yes)

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Comments ( 17 )

JellyBeanBandit

3 years ago

You did all you could do, you asked multiple times. You sound like a decent guy and shouldn't feel ashamed. I know it can be hard not to feel ashamed even when it isn't you're fault, but you have to try. Keep up with trying to console her also and tell her that you want to be with her for her personality and all that.

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ellnell

3 years ago

It honestly sounds like she was just very confused about what she wanted, unless you left something out of the story. I personally think you should've stopped if she hesitated as much as she did, she could be really insecure maybe scared to outright say no because of some trauma or whatever. But it's probably best either way to talk about it and make sure she knows you only want the best for her. Even if you really did do nothing wrong she could be very sensitive about sex for personal reasons.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  We've been talking about it since and both feel much better and are happy that we got to communicate honestly, she struggles to say no and I'm taking that on board and from here on out am going to be wayyy more careful when asking for consent and we're still close and if anything I feel like this has brought us closer because she opened up about how she finds it hard to be intimate and has trust issues when it comes to guys and she knows I had no idea how she felt at the time and would never do anything to hurt her so it's all good now thankfully:)
  
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  - olderdude-xx
    
    3 years ago
    
    Keep talking... and take it slow. Enjoy the cuddles in the meantime... My guess is that they will progress bit by bit... and the two of you will end up a full sexual partners and happy to have each other.
    
    If you have not had the discussion you may wish to bring up the subject of birth control and what if there is eventually a pregnancy. Do this carefully and slowly before you have sex. Work with her on selecting birth control if she is open to that (and be willing to pay for it as your responsibility).
    
    I've been in the position of educating a few ladies on birth control options - and let them try different things even before we had sex (one lady agreed to use contraceptive gel once we started intimate cuddling - as a good habit to have: if her panties came off she used the gel) - which led to that being the birth control method we used when she was ready to go past cuddling. She has since told me that she's glad she developed the habit with me (note that it helps to warm the contraceptive gel tubes (in the packets) to body temperature 1st. No lady likes cold ones...
    
    She could play with putting on different types of condoms and feeling with her hand the difference between plain and ribbed (and the different styles). There are flavored condoms if she wishes to experiment with blow-jobs on you. Get an appropriate selection and offer to let her play and try things without having full sex...
    
    It all gets her comfortable for later...
    
    I wish you the best...
    
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olderdude-xx

3 years ago

I've almost been in your situation. I backed out. If the Lady is not fully engaged and actively participating I stop dead in my tracks.

A reality is that many people consent to sex without understanding what's involved. Then some of them get upset as it did not go as expected.

Others feel that you pressured them...

You did your best; and unfortunately - often our best is not yet good enough.

Now, this may not be over... give her a few days and see if she will casually date and talk again. Sometimes there is an initial shock - and after they see you care for them they come around. Just take it a bit slower again next time and get her to tell you that it is really OK.

A test I have used many times is to ask a lady to help guide it in. If they are willing to do that.. I have found everything is OK. If they are not willing - I stop at that point.

I wish you the best with this...

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my_life_my_way

3 years ago

This is so fucking weird. Is this girl an adult? If she is, she is very immature and sounds like she could possibly have a developmental delay.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  We're young and shes inexperienced and suffers from low self esteem its complicated. Its simply a sticking point for her that she is working on developing shes a smart girl just with baggage in that specific area like we all do in different areas. It helps to be empathetic patient and understanding in these situations if you ever meet someone like this please refrain from insulting them and calling them dumb and immature and maybe focus that energy on helping them to work past it with your support just seems like a more human approach personally
  
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[Old Memory]

3 years ago

Story made me puke.

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hauntedbysandwiches

3 years ago

Some people unfortunately say yes because they are afraid to say no but that's not on you, you didn't do anything wrong. I understand why you feel disgusted but as long as you say something like I'm sorry I never ever would have done anything if I thought you were uncomfortable, everything should be better for both of you. It may take a little time but it'll be better.

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Tommythecaty

3 years ago

This whole story made me almost throw up in my mouth. What is wrong with both of you, who the fuck is actually like either of you kooks in real life.

She’s being a fucking weirdo, and you saying “I went over to hers for cuddles” actually makes me cringe.

Just fuck like normal people you weirdys

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  Hahahah damn dude issues with intimacy much? Some people (myself very much included) quite like cuddles hence the description that made you nearly throw up. You my friend might find it repulsive to be loving and intimate with someone but I'm telling you now you're missing out on one of the most pleasant joys in this world. Have fun "fucking like normal people" hahaha xo
  
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  - Tommythecaty
    
    3 years ago
    
    I think you misunderstand. I do what you do..but with sex included.
    
    Get past second base, then lecture people on intimacy you kook ass kook.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      3 years ago
      
      Good point hahaha there is definitely intimacy issues involved in my situation but I feel like repulsion to cuddles would also constitute as such
      
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      - Tommythecaty
        
        3 years ago
        
        I have more issues in my character than any of us have the time or patience to get into here lol
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        3 years ago
        
        Well I guessed that from your first comments it seemed jarringly aggressive and oddly bitter.. not to be high and mighty but it's in my view at least not the healthiest way to orient yourself in the world. Kindness patience and empathy are awesome traits to cultivate and when you do it builds your sense of self and self confidence as well as makes you wayy more likeable.
        
        I actually wouldn't mind getting into your self proclaimed issues here? But totally get it if you dont want to. Simply because I would offer my opinion and advice and I'd gain insight into how you're thinking which would mean we'd both learn something from this anonymous but intriguing conversation. One of the glories of modern life is the ability to communicate with strangers who you would never meet otherwise and will never meet outside the online world.
        
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  - olderdude-xx
    
    3 years ago
    
    You are right about cuddles...
    
    Enjoy them... and they will often lead to more later.
    
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Are You Normal?

She gave consent but didn't mean it.