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I'm 20 year old girl and have this problem that confuses me. My friend said that she's not a social person anymore when I asked her why we hadn't spoken in months. This was only a few weeks ago and now she's coming up to where I live to go to a 21st and wants to hang! How contradictory! Is this weird or is it just me?
I am guessing a 21st is a birthday? Then yes it is normal to not want to speak and hangout with someone all the time, but to celebrate a special occasion. It is also normal to see someone when you happen to be in their area, but not making special trips to that area otherwise. There is nothing contradictory, and it is very normal.
Its not normal considering the fact that when I made the effort for a special trip to stay with her she said things that made it seem as if I was important to her and that I truly mattered! I make an effort in my friendships- why cant they do the same!
Nothing in your response has anything to do with anything that I said nor does it add anything to the conversation beyond what you have already said or alter my opinion in any way.
You made a special trip to see her and she expressw her gratitude, she owes you nothing beyond that. Just because you do something for someone doesn't obligate them to do the same for you, and you really don't have a right to expect it to.
You also seem to have missed the entire point that she didn't need to make a special trip. She was coming up that way anyway so she decided to reach out and make plans at that time which seems completely logical and normal. What would you have her do, completely ignore you on the birthday trip, go home, and then make another trip right back up there just to see you? Do you really not see how that is a completely illogical waste of time?
Maybe if there was no party she would have made a special trip at some point, who knows? But she didn't have to because she was coming up for the party anyway so she decided that would be a perfect opportunity to see you. That continues to make total sence to me.
I understand your points! With having said that , she didn't as so much express her gratitude for the extent I went to , to travel. It was a more in depth talk as in her expressing emotions such as how lucky and glad she is to have me back in her life and that she missed me too and many other things that told me I was truly important and that our friendship was special and was going to improve .
I am not sure you know what it means to express gratitude. Telling you upon making the trip that she is glad to have to back in her life and how important you are and how special your friendship is to her he a pretty clear expression of gratitude.
There's a difference she already txt before I came down saying that she appreciates it. That's gratitude! The talk didn't start with expressing feelings, it started along the lines of past stuff and led into feelings. Her telling me that she loves me heaps and how once we had a connection which was intense is more than gratitude.
Sounds like she just doesn't want to be around other people all the time. A lot of people can take being around others in small doses. Doesn't make them antisocial.
Maybe she wants to make YOU happy because you said you haven't seen her in a while?
What's the problem?
She's just human: normal to feel differently at different times,
don't you, or are you totally consistent at the age of 20?
It just means she's less social than she used to be. Doesn't mean she is now a hermit. She's obviously still willing to go to this party and hang out with you.
She probably just wanted you to know that her lack of contact was not because you had said or done anything wrong, she just hasn't been feeling very sociable lately.
I don't think it's that contradictory. You probably read into what she was saying too much. Just because she's not a "social person" doesn't mean she still doesn't want to hang out. I think she's saying she prefers alone time more often.