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Mickey Mouse goes to his lawyer and says he wants a divorce from Minnie Mouse.

The lawyer asks why, and Mickey says"Cause she's Fuckin Goofy!".

What's the best part about having sex with twenty three year olds?

That there are twenty of them . . .

Walking along the road the other day, I was approached by a Prostitute who said she would do anything I wanted for £50.

I said,

'Here's the money, come and paint my fucking house'.

Uh... My friend once asked me to draw a picture of the boy version of her on a giant fan. I asked why, so later, she wrote :

(Oh! I'll alter it to make it like a joke.)

I'm gonna turn you on!
*flips fan on*
Okay, let's start out slow...
*switches to Low setting*
*accidentally kicks High button*
AHHH! You're going too fast for me!
...
Thanks for giving me a "blowjob".

Welp, that wasn't... uh... Nevermind! Here's a dumb one:

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Audience: 8!

Me: Haha, no way. You all got it wrong.

Audience: Then what?

Me: It's... Ten-tickles! Get it?! TENTACLES?!

Audience: *awkward silence and cricket noise*

Me: *sigh* :(

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"

Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!"
And I pushed him over.

There were three guys in the desert, dying of thirst. They finally came upon a cabin. They are desperate for water, so they pound on the door to beg for water. Out comes an obese, disgusting, nasty woman. She says the only way she'll give them water is if one of them has sex with her. So she picks her favorite and takes him in the back room. He's so disgusted he can't get it up. She's lying there legs spread and so what he does is grabs a corn on the cob and uses that on her, and then throws it out the window. She bends over and says, "gimme more!!" He then grabs another corn on the cob and uses that on her and then throws it out the window. So then she gives him the water for him and his two buddies, and when he goes outside to find them, they say, "fuck the water, we're having buttered corn!"

whats the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

acne dont come of a boys face until hes 13 or so

what is the difference between michael jackson and a plastic shopping bag??

One is made of plastic and is dangerous for kids to play with, and the other one is designed for carrying groceries.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator
ba dum tsssss

whys a chicken coop have 2 doors?

cause if it had 4 doors itd be a chicken sedan

What's the opposite of a straight jacket?
A gay jacket.

Little sally went to school one day when she came home to say, "Mommy! Mommy! Guess what, these boys at the bus stop gave me a dollar to climb up the telephone poll!" And her mom said, "Sally, they're only doing that to see your underwear!"

The next day Sally went to school and she she was excited to come home and tell her mom, "Mommy! Mommy! These boys gave me $20 to climb up the telephone poll 20 times!" and her mom said, "Sally! they're only doing that to see your underwear!" and sally, feeling all smart said, "Well this time I showed them! I didn't wear any!"

There's this guy, Dougie, who loves the circus. He adores the circus. Every time the circus comes to town, Dougie goes to see it. He sits in the front row, wearing his blue anorak.

One day, the circus comes to town and Dougie is thrilled to see it has a new clown with a red nose. All goes well until the Red-Nosed Clown decides to tell a joke. He looks around the audience, spots Dougie in his blue anorak, and approaches.

"Tell me, sir", he begins. "Are you the front end of an ass?"

"No", says Dougie, confused.

"Then are you the back end of an ass?" continues the Red-Nosed Clown.

"No...", says Dougie, hesitantly.

"Then I put it to you, that you are no end of an ass!" announces the Red-Nosed Clown, triumphantly.

The audience bursts into laughter, leaving Dougie feeling humiliated and hurt.

The next day, Dougie goes to the circus wearing his blue anorak and sits in the front row as usual. The high-wire act is thrilling, the jugglers are breath-taking, and then along come the clowns. Dougie's heart sinks when he sees the Red-Nosed Clown among them. Sure enough, part-way through the act the Red-Nosed Clown stops to tell a joke. His eyes are immediately drawn once more to Dougie in his blue anorak.

"Tell me, sir", he begins. "Are you the front end of an ass?"

"No...", says Dougie, apprehensively.

"Then are you the back end of an ass?" continues the Red-Nosed Clown.

"No", says Dougie, tears welling in his eyes.

"Then I put it to you, that you are no end of an ass!" announces the Red-Nosed Clown, gleefully.

Again, the audience roars with laughter, and Dougie looks a complete fool. He's very upset.

Now it turns out that Dougie has a friend: Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee. Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee, is famous throughout the town for being a master of wit and king of repartee. If anyone can put an end to Dougie's torment, it's Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee. Dougie therefore decides to tell his story to Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee, in the hope that he'll help.

"Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee", he begins, "there's a new, red-nosed clown at the circus and he keeps picking on me."

Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee, says, "That's very ungracious of him. He deserves to be taught a lesson."

"Could you come along tomorrow and sit next to me?" asks, Dougie, hopefully.

Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee, ponders for a moment, then says, "Yes, I think I shall."

"Oh thank you, Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee", says Dougie. "You'll show him!"

So the next day, Dougie goes along to the circus with Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee, and they sit in the front row. The horse act is terrific and the trapeze is very exciting, and then out come the clowns.

The Red-Nosed Clown can't believe his eyes. There, sitting in the front row, is Dougie in his blue anorak. He goes straight over.

"Tell me, sir", he begins. "Are you the front end of an ass?"

Dougie looks to Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee, who sagely shakes his head.

"No", says Dougie, confidently.

"Then ar you the back end of an ass?" continues the Red-Nosed Clown?

Dougie glances at Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee, but again he just shakes his head, knowingly.

"No" replies Dougie.

Then I put it to you, that you are no end of an ass!" announces the Red-Nosed Clown, victoriously.

The audience shrieks with laughter, and poor Dougie feels very small, but then suddenly, Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee, stands up.

The audience falls silence in astonishment, for they know him to be Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee, and they know that he is a master of wit and king of repartee.

Nigel, master of wit and king of repartee, looks slowly around the room, then suddenly stabs a finger in the direction of the Red-Nosed Clown and glares at him right in the eye.

"You!" he shouts. "Fuck off, you red-nosed bastard!"

What do you call a room filled with delinquents, nutcases and lonely men?

IIN.

Well... to be think about it, this isn't a joke.....

minecraft joke.

steve,... hey dr i think im a homo sexual

DR./ what makes you say that

steve/ RAINBOWS

A bear is about to catch a rabbit when they both trip over a genie lamp. The genie pops out and decides to give them both 3 wishes. The bear shoves the rabbit out of the way and says "I wish that every other bear on Earth was female!". And all the male bears on Earth became female. The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle helmet." The bear says "I wish to be the most handsome male bear that ever lived" And his became so hot that even straight male bears would want to have sex with him (well that's impassible of course, but you know what I mean). The rabbit wished for a dirtbike. The bear wishes that every bear in the world became really, really hot. And all the bears in the world became really, really hot to a bear. The motorcycle was 0.1 seconds away from moving and rabbit said "I wish this bear was gay!".

Two little boys are sitting on the curb and a cute little girl walks by. First little says "Her necks dirty"
The other little boy says "Her does?"

Isitnormal.com

My mom.