Sexual orientation - absent?

16 Comments

Is it normal that I think that many women have only romantic orientation and not sexual orientation because there is no coherent construct of sexual orientation in their case?
I mean women who (when asked about their sexual orientation) say they are straight. At the same time they tell you that their favourite porn genre is lesbian porn and seeing a naked male body or penis does nothing with them and doesn't arouse them at all. Then the same women tell you that they wouldn't like to have sexual contact with a woman - only with a man. However, then they say that when they have sex with a guy / their boyfriend they think of being with another woman. All in all, I think that the combination of all those things makes the concept of sexual orientation not applicable to them because there is virtually no consistency which would indicate their sexual orientation.
Do you agree with me that sexual orientation as such is absent in their case - i.e. that they may have something like romantic orientation but not sexual orientation?

(female) yes, I agree with you 12
(female) no, I don't agree with you 15
(female) I think sex. orient. in general makes no sense/doesn't exist 12
(male) yes, I agree with you 13
(male) no, I don't agree with you 9
(male) I think sex. orient. in general makes no sense/doesn't exist 15
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Comments ( 16 )
  • KeddersPrincess
    11 years ago

    Well, I don't know about those other women, but I totally disagree with you. For one, although I am not aroused by seeing a naked penis, I think lesbian porn is disgusting (no offense to lesbians). However, I do get turned on by guy on guy. I would never want to be with another woman at in point in my life. I simply do not find women attractive. And even speaking on an artistic scale, I think that men are the fairer sex. I have never had a sexual fantasy that involves another female, but I find myself constantly having sexual fantasies about beautiful, majestic, sexy men. I am very much attracted to the male sex. I don't even find it hot when it's woman on man I just want the bitch out of the picture. It's pretty hot to see two guys kissing though. ;)

    So no, I disagree with you completely. I do have a sexual orientation. I am a heterosexual in that I am only attracted to the male sex and I simply cannot be turned on by another female.

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    • quentari
      11 years ago

      Ditto.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      My post is not about women like you are as your sexual preferences are pretty consistent when it comes to your sexual orientation. Note, that this post is not about all women - only about those who lack such consistency and there is no coherent construct of sexual orientation in their case as a result.
      Obviously, you have sexual orientation and you are straight as you are consistently into guys. Of course, there are cases like you are (I am one of them). Then there are women who are consistently into other women and I think they also have sexual orientation - they are lesbians. I also admit that some women may be bisexual when they are CONSISTENTLY attracted to both sexes. However, there are women who completely lack such consistency and my post is about them - i.e. women who lack a coherent construct of sexual orientation as I argue.
      That being said, I am not sure why you disagree with me. Do you think that the construct of sexual orientation makes sense in their case even if such coherence is completely absent?

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      • KeddersPrincess
        11 years ago

        It sounds to me like the women you are describing are bisexual or, perhaps, bicurious, and they haven't figured themselves out yet.

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      • KeddersPrincess
        11 years ago

        In that case, I read your post out of context.

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  • prasatko
    11 years ago

    Yes, I am inclined to agree with you and I think that I see your point. As for the women you mention (those women who claim to be straight but are attracted to women, in porn or in life), the concept of sexual orientation is really confusing and it is difficult to say anything about their "orientation".

    Another explanation might be that their sexual feelings are so weak, their sex drive almost non-existent, that they really feel the same "feelings" towards men and women - namely, some sort of attraction of non-sexual nature and it makes it hard for themselves to understand it.

    They may or may not be straight / bi / lesbian but if their sexual desire is non-existent, then it is hard to observe its manifestations in their inner fantasies, porn preferences or sexual behaviour...

    Nowadays people and popular sexperts speak about the female sexuality as "fluid" which can be just a suitable politically correct term for the same thing as I describe above but "fluid" sounds much more positive, cool, modern, and above all much more politically correct.

    That is why I am highly suspicious to that term "fluid" - no good can arise from explanations driven by wishful thinking or political ideologies masked as scientific observations... Then they will start to "deconstruct" all the scientific terms, such as sexual orientation, in line with post-modern hits alongside with social constructivism, feminism and other fables in poor taste.

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  • Mando
    11 years ago

    I don't think it is normal that you think you know more about other people's sexual leanings then they themselves do.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      It is not the purpose of my post to say that at all. My question is mainly theoretical so I don't think it is accurate to make such inferences as you did.
      The problem is that some people's claims about their sexual preferences don't make much sense when it comes to their sexual orientation because they don't fit together at all. If you think that women I described in my original post have a coherent construct of sexual orientation may I ask what you would assume their sexual orientation is based on their claims (i.e.: They say they are straight. At the same time they tell you that their favourite porn genre is lesbian porn and seeing a naked male body or penis does nothing with them and doesn't arouse them at all. Then the same women tell you that they wouldn't like to have sexual contact with a woman - only with a man. However, then they say that when they have sex with a guy / their boyfriend they think of being with another woman.)

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      • Mando
        11 years ago

        I see. Thank you for clarifying.

        I'd say their views of themselves does not fit their behaviour.

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        • Naamah
          11 years ago

          You're welcome. I also think their views of themselves don't fit their behaviour. I really wonder about this inconsistency which makes it difficult (or even impossible) to talk about their sexual orientation and that is why I created this poll. I want to know how other people see it.

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  • CoolKid23
    9 years ago

    You might be asexual (Having no sexual interests). Uncommon, but not unheard of.

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  • Kandybars
    11 years ago

    You could say the same for men though. People have fetishes too, don't forget about that. Me, for example, I am a straight female but I watch all sorts of porn. Straight, lesbian, gay and more. Then when I finish watching it, I just feel weird like it doesn't turn me on anymore and I don't wanna watch it again. I wouldn't wanna be in a relationship with a woman at all but I sure wouldn't mind sleeping with one. Sexual orientation is quite flexible, in a way. But then again, I am still quite young so I guess my sexual preferences aren't as concrete as others yet.

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  • purpleflower
    11 years ago

    When it comes to porn, lesbian the only one I remotely like, I can't speak for other women. I am bisexual, but what I'm trying to say is, I like both men and women, but women look A LOT better.

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    11 years ago

    I think it's more likely that you talk to a lot of people who are confused about their sexuality.

    I for one am quite certain I'm bi though I have a slight male preference. :P And I don't know why so many people find naked men/penises unnattractive, certainly some are but to say all of them? Maybe they've just been looking at the wrong people, haha.

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  • Shrunk
    11 years ago

    I agree with you personally for the most part except about lesbian porn and imagining a man as a woman.. But yeah I don't know if all women are like this but most I've met can just look at a physically attractive guy and say he's hot sexy turns them on and want to have sex w him etc. to me appearance alone does nothing but if I find them deserving- that is they prove to be genuinely nice and a good person- it makes me want to give them anything they ask for...

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  • Ijustknowimweird
    11 years ago

    We are all bissexuals with preferences for o e thing in particular

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