Self inflicting cycle

Everyone, I was curious if it was normal that I could have such a supporting and loving family, but isolate myself from all of them. I rarely communicate with my family but I turn to my “friends” the few I have or become obsessed with a boy. I don’t feel like I’m able to love or be loved, why do I feel this way? I don’t love myself. I’ve been very promiscuous since I lost my virginity. I’ve had sex for money. The more I fuck up the more I don’t want to talk to anyone... I fantasize everyday about being healthy and know everything I need to do to achieve my goals. But I don’t do it. I do the same things that land me into more trouble such as drinking and driving, getting multiple tickets, violate probation, procrastinate, and at the end of the day I feel depressed that I do the things I do. I’m repulsed with myself because I eat too much, too fast and spend too much money on food everyday. I believe in God but I swear if I didn’t I would have tried to kill myself, and I still think about it sometimes. Why am I like this? Why do I self sabatoge myself like this? My mom claims it’s because I’m an only child and I didn’t get my a** beat enough when I was younger. I need help. *first post* Thanks.