Second thoughts on the military... iin?

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15 Comments

I signed with the Navy in August and have been really excited about finally leaving for boot camp. (which won't be for about 7 more months) I've been having second thoughts and only a hand full of people know about this. Here's the thing..

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. He's already in the service, and if I join too, then there is no guarentee that we would end up near each other. I love him so much, and I'm afraid of being away from him. I'm not sure that he understands this though. I tried to tell him yesterday, about other reasons, but all he told me was that having second thoughts now was a bad idea, and that maybe exercise would help me stick to it.

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82% Normal
Based on 51 votes (42 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    1 in 3 women get raped in the military

    Have fun :}

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    • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
      12 years ago

      Not in the Navy. Believe me if that was the case than 1/3 of all the females on my ships would have been raped but... they weren't.

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  • dinz
    12 years ago

    I thought there was a law/rule that prevented couples/siblings from being in the same platoon, regiment, etc.

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    12 years ago

    Yes there is a chance you won't be stationed with him - and yes I was in the Navy for over 13 years.

    There are however other things to consider:

    1) You might not even feel the same way about him after you get out of your school. (Please tell me you're not going "undesignated" - seriously get a rating, unless you want to chip paint all day long and get crapped on).

    2) If you DO feel the same way about him, you can always get married. Married couples do get preferential treatment and - when feasible - have orders matched so that the family can stay together.

    3) You can also get your pick of orders (somewhat) by doing well. I was the top female in my graduating school, so I got to pick... well from two choices. But I still got my pick.

    4) You'll survive. If your relationship is meant to be then being apart won't change that. I know this from experience.

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  • forevercg
    12 years ago

    EVERYONE starts having secound thoughts when joining the military. when i joined i was worried about starting a long distance relationship with my then boyfriend, dying(duh), not being able to be mother, and an old sports injury to my shoulder. When i did bootcamp people were able to quite after 4 weeks if it was not for them (i did basic this past fall) If you are joining for the right reasons DO IT!!! don`t hold back of fear for your relationship you might hate your decision and in turn start hating him. i know you say you have other issues stoping you so its hard to really help you. military life is great ... and me and my boyfriend now are both in the military and things are going great ( its long distance right now but we will be posted to the same base starting june) things have a way of working out somehow dont hold back because of fear.

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  • ssA
    13 years ago

    Your commanding officer will probably be plowing your ass anyways, I'd give it a few months and you will forget all about your boyfriend.

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  • jbkittie
    13 years ago

    Well, my boyfriend isn't going to sway my decision on wether I decide to join or not. But there are other issues that could keep me from joining that have gotten worse over the last couple months. So I'm leaning more towards not joining, because those issues could be come worse. Especially my knee.

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  • 8Serene8
    13 years ago

    Yeah it may not be a long time according to you but if it's something she ends up hating then it's a long time. Plus, it's not always just 4 years. The government likes to extend peoples time anytime they like and no one can do anything about it. And when you have someone you love that you can't see most of that time it's really crappy. Really crappy for that other people

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  • BlueSkyCO
    13 years ago

    FWIW 4 years is not a long time.

    Maybe it takes a little more age to see it, but before you know it, in regular civilian life you'll have worked a job for 4+ years before you know it, quit, and then work 4+ years at the next one, etc.

    Plus there's a 100% chance JohnyBravo's statistic is wrong, citations are a good thing. Besides 4 in 5 statistics are made up on message boards.

    The Navy will be a great experience, I kind of envy you your upcoming journey.

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  • jbkittie
    13 years ago

    As much as I hate the idea of rape, a lot of those women claim rape. They get drunk, regret seeing who they wake up next to in the morning, and freak out. I know of one that claimed rape because she didn't want to bear the child of her one night stand and her stories never were the same. I do realize that a lot of the women are raped, though. But I believe that 1 in 3 women is a bit exagerated of a statistic.

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    • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
      12 years ago

      If I'm not mistaken the 1/3 statistic is from soldiers. Yes I have known females who claimed some form of sexual assault but not as many as people seem to claim.

      As for honest / dishonest claims that somewhat depends on the person making the claim. There are some who lie to punish the other person and some who are honest.

      The best option of course is to be aware of the kind of people you associate with and how they act while drinking. If you hang out with people who act badly - especially when drunk - then you will only increase your chances of an incident.

      If you keep aware of your surroundings and chose only to hang out with people who behave responsibly then you will encounter less issues.

      Your own choices will determine if you place yourself in a risky situation or a safe one.

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  • 8Serene8
    13 years ago

    ^Agreed. If you aren't 100% sure about going then u need to back out now. Because once you enter boot camp the government owns you until your service is up. Which won't be for a very very long time.

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    • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
      12 years ago

      That depends entirely on your contract.

      The longest you'll be in for technically is 8 years unless you chose to stay longer. After you fulfill your contract, if you served less than 8 years, the remainder of that time will be spent as a reservist - either in the active reserves or the inactive reserves. (Assuming of course you don't have issues that preclude your continued service)

      All that means is, if you're active reserves, you just have to give the military one weekend a month and 2 weeks a year of service - and you keep all the medical benefits. In the inactive reserves you keep no benefits but can be called up during emergencies.

      Of course if you reenlist and stay past 8 years, then you have no reserve obligation. If you retire, you'll be transferred to the "retired reserves" but that pretty much doesn't mean anything except that you get to keep your benefits etc.

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  • Echoes
    13 years ago

    Stick to your second thoughts.

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  • crazykittens
    13 years ago

    My friend did the same thing as you with a boyfriend of 2 years. They ended up in different areas and she went into depression and is still in depression. I kid you not. She wasn't able to see him for an extremely long time and she was heartbroken.

    I think its a normal feeling as you most likely wont end up in the same place.

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