Rough sex with the older man/ex

72% Normal
4 Comments

I lost my virginity when I was 23 (joined this site at 21, wow, haven't updated it)... to a man I met on the Internet who was twice my age - calling him Z.

It hurt but it was great. I loved it. Am actually glad it was with an older man because he didn't stop when I said it hurt, and then it started to feel okay and we were at it for about, I think 2 hours... so the first time was a perfect experience.

We've had lots of fantastic sex since then. I've also had sex with quite a few other men but they didn't even come CLOSE to Z, in bed or personality or anything. I cannot get even remotely turned on with anyone else... it feels wrong.

Whoever else I'm with, I'm thinking about Z.

The thing is, now at nearly 25, I haven't seen him for 2 months and I want to move on with my life because he doesn't want a future with me, just sex. I want to find a 'nice boy' to settle down with (but this commitment also scares me a bit). It's pretty much just sex with Z but I like him so so much. I pretty much love him actually.

Is it normal to want to find someone else even though I will probably never like anyone as much as I like Z?

Is it normal that he thinks it's okay if I cheat to be with him? I would feel too bad but I feel rotten not having sex with him (and sexually frustrated).

Voting Results
72% Normal
Based on 67 votes (48 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • WayOutThere
    14 years ago

    This is normal. Older men are usually more skilled at sex--they are more patient and understanding; they know how to turn you on, really get you excited, and make you climax over and over again. Moreover, they have more life experience, and are likely better conversationalists.

    You are lucky; a lot of women settle down early with someone young, and never get to experience what it's like being with someone who can really bring out their sexuality. Some women never even get to experience orgasms. You are now in a position to better evaluate other men; you have a standard by which you can judge them.

    Chances are the 'nice boy' will not be anywhere near as good. You might be able to teach him, from what you've learned. But, this can take quite some time, and he has to be willing to communicate and learn. But, is this what you really want? Think carefully about the choices you make. A commitment can impact your future much more than a casual relationship, especially if you end up having children. Don't jump into a committed relationship just because others say that that's the proper thing to do.

    Nevertheless, it is perfectly normal to want to find someone else. And, it's also normal that Z would be okay with you 'cheating' in order to be with him. After all, he has a pre-existing relationship with you, albeit quite open and casual. However, that still leaves you with the responsibility of deciding how to manage your relationship with the 'nice boy' you eventually find. You don't want to be dishonest with him; at the same time, he might not be happy with the idea of giving you permission to be with another man. So, this can create a dilemma.

    Here is a suggested solution: When you find the 'nice boy,' take your time in getting to know him, so you can see how good he is in bed. Don't rush into making any kind of commitment, and let him know that you are seeing others. Be honest, but you don't have to tell him all the details. If things progress, you can later decide whether or not to make a commitment, and whether or not to terminate your relationship with Z. Be honest with Z also; hopefully, he has been honest with you.

    Another solution might be to look for an older man who does want a future with you.

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    • free
      13 years ago

      omg i was thinking the same thing, i always think abotu loosing my virginity with an olde rguy because tey just seem better and more in tune with how to turn you on, like ppl my age are just,,,. not my idea of sexy.

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  • RoseIsabella
    7 years ago

    Ugh, that sounds nightmarish. I think I'd rather eat my cats eye boogers. At least I can rest assured that those boogers came from a higher life form.

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  • THEDEAD
    14 years ago

    well its normal 2 love the 1st time bettr than any others and losing ur virginity to a man normally give u 2 a special bond well i have no advice 2 help u but just wanted 2 let u know its totally normal

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