Relationship with turkish boy for 4years, will we ever get married?

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17 Comments

I have been in a relationship with my Turkish boyfriend for 4 years, he lives in the UK with his father, i have met him, but my boyfriend does not want us to meet again. i have also met his mother who lives in turkey and is divorced from his dad, she seems a very genuine person who likes me very much, even though our communication is small because my knowledge of Turkish is small, but improving.

However he has a brother who has been with his girlfriend(wife now), who is Turkish, less time than we have been together, they are newly wed and have are currently in Turkey meeting each others parents. they are hoping to have a wedding there next year.

My boyfriend says that he is going, however when i bring up the situation that i would like to go with him because i have a passport, he just says no, or changes the conversation. Is it because he is ashamed of me? for why i do not know?, i have always respected what he has said to me, and never wear sexual clothing which might influence other males.

I feel that he will not marry me because i am English, but i am very committed to him and love him very much.

I do not want to be judged because i am English, i have a lot of self respect and i have even considered reverting to Muslim, however my boyfriend was highly against this so i just go on with my life following the Muslim ways, i.e. not eating pork etc.

Sorry for the long question, however i would like to inform you of the current situation which i am in and would appreciate your advice or answers to this.

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28% Normal
Based on 32 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 17 )
  • LordHawHaw
    11 years ago

    It happens very frequently that muslims have western-european girlfriends only to have fun with. But in the end they chose to get married with a muslim woman. Marriage in their culture is sometimes arranged unlike in western europe.

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    • Sarah<3Yasar
      11 years ago

      You shouldn't judge him because he is 'Muslim'

      i am sure that he is not with me just for the fun, because i am not easy and are far different from many English females.

      If that was the case, then i am sure that he would have found another girl to have fun with before now, rather than having a long term relationship for 4 years with one person, because i am sure that the 'Fun' would have worn of.

      So i am sure that he isn't with me just for that reason.

      Yes, i am aware that sometimes weddings are arranged.

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  • Gravy
    11 years ago

    Only 18 and he is 20, wow. You have plenty of time.don't rush, something seems not right. Does he have a GF in turkey?

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    • Sarah<3Yasar
      11 years ago

      i know that it may seem that i am rushing things, however we have been together for 4 years now, which is a long time, and both of ours longest relationship.

      He doesn't have a GirlFriend in turkey as he doesn't go there very often, plus he mother would not allow him to do that to me, as she is a lovely person and fully understands that someone in a relationship should be committed. additionally when he goes to Turkey he goes there to see his mother and other family and doesn't have time to have another girlfriend.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    it sounds like a waste of time, but what do i know

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    • Sarah<3Yasar
      11 years ago

      So you are basically saying that i have wasted 4 years on my life in this relationship.

      I am currently 18, and he is 20. So if we were to end the relationship, its not like i wouldn't have opportunity to find another relationship.

      But i have had previous short term relationships, nothing this serious and this didn't feel right, so the relationship didn't last.

      But there must be something there as we have been together for 4 years, right?.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        it seems like you are doing all the changing, being flexible about religion dress language etc , to me it seems annoying that you are not equal and cannot speak your mind, am i going to this wedding or not? answer here or now or i'm walking, and also judged cause yr english? dont make me laugh

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        • Sarah<3Yasar
          11 years ago

          Yes that's fair enough, and i understand that you may think that i am doing all of the changing, however it is only because i am genuine comfortable like this, and even if we are not together in the future, i will continue to be the same.

          i have spoken to him about this before, and he has changed the conversation it gets annoying if i a personally honest, but i am unable to get a straight answer from him, i don't want to sound pushy and keep bringing the same thing up all of the time.

          i feel that maybe the wrong way to approach the situation, i have always brought it up when he has mentioned the wedding, which is when he doesn't talk about it any further.

          you may find it funny however, it is quite true that Turkish people can judge someone because they are English, due to the fact that they get some English girls which go on holiday there and they are in no other words 'Easy' which i am far from this, and he properly doesn't want to be seen with me because of this reputation that the English girls have tared others. i am not saying he thinks like that, i am just making a suggestion to why he doesn't want me to go to Turkey.

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  • dinz
    11 years ago

    Cultural differences do play a large part in determining the validity of how successful a relationship is. But life is all about compromises and I see you have taken the means to make compromises by for example observing Islamic dietary requirements, and the willingness to go to your boyfriend's country to meet his family.

    But by the sounds of it, your boyfriend has not explained his reasoning behind him not letting you go with him to Turkey. I would push harder for an answer or have him face the prospect of ending the relationship. Four years seems to be a long time and I would tell him it's time to bite the bullet now. You are in limbo and it is not fair.

    On another issue, love crosses religious and cultural lines and I feel your boyfriend should love you for who you are, not what you "should" be. Again the question of compromise is in the spotlight.

    I wish you luck.

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    • Sarah<3Yasar
      11 years ago

      Yes i understand that we have different cultural differences, however i have fully adapted to his culture, however have not yet been there, i spend a lot of my time around Turkish people, it not that i try to make my life similar to their culture, i just can understand why its like that, so it prefer to like my life that way, additionally because he lives here, he fully understand the culture in the UK.

      No he hasn't at present explained the reason why i shouldn't go to turkey and he understand how much i love the country and that i would love to go there.

      In the summer when he goes on to Turkey for his brothers wedding, i am going to push for an answer and will face him with the prospect of ending the relationship, even though it will be very hard for me. I just would like answers, and fully support you when you say that it is not fair.

      i am not disputing that he doesn't love me for who i am, and probably does and i am not solely changing my life because of him, as i have stated already previously that i can understand the culture fully, and it really connects to who i am.

      Many Thanks.

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  • Arabia
    11 years ago

    Hey, you should read this interesting blog I found a few weeks ago. I have a Turkish guy fetish too ;) these ladies give you some practical experience on their experiences coming from the west and marrying Turks. I think there's as much recipe for happiness and disaster as there is with all marriages. Although always a tricky task to know which way ur heading :/
    http://turkishtravelblog.com/turkish-men-holiday-romance/

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  • thinkingaboutit
    11 years ago

    So he doesn't want to be around you? And he doesn't want you around his family. He's bullshitting you. Why and for what purpose he keeps you around is the question. :/ Is this a long distance thing?

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    • Sarah<3Yasar
      11 years ago

      im sorry if i gave you the impression that he doesn't want to be around me, because i don't recall saying this. He didn't mind me around his mother when she was here visiting, also he is fine with me being around his brother, he takes me there to spend time with them all of the time. it just his dad which he has a problem me being around.

      However this was the same situation which his brother and Turkish wife, and they were dating for 3 years and married for 6 months before she became contact with their father.

      I generally think that it is just his dad which he has a problem with, because i speak to his dad's wife all of this time, she is also Turkish, and is a lovely person.

      as for me going to Turkey with him for his brothers wedding, i am just from what he has been saying assuming that he doesn't want me to come, i haven't get got a straight answer.

      the answer to your question is, he says that he loves me, treats me like a queen so i have no issue with whether he want to keep me around, he shows me from his actions that he does, and that's enough for me.

      this is NOT a long distance thing, he lives 20mins from me, i see him every day, except 2days a week, where we have other commitments.

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      • thinkingaboutit
        11 years ago

        Oh, I only assumed he didn't want to spend time with you because I got the impression that this is a long distance relationship.

        Well, frankly, his father is probably extremely judgmental. Turkish men aren't really that...open. If your boyfriend doesn't mind you talking to his mom, but keeps you away from his dad, I think he might be protecting you from his father (not protecting his father from you). I would often keep my friends, and boyfriends away from my parents for such reasons. That's my take on that.

        I think he's avoiding taking you to the wedding for the same reason. It's not that he's ashamed of you, he'll be SHAMED for being with you. And certain people, he knows better than we do, might go to lengths to make both of you uncomfortable.

        Its very hard integrating into a Muslim clan if your not Muslim. Your boyfriend must be a good guy if you guys are serious but he's not pressuring you to convert. it sounds like he's trying to protect you.

        I could be wrong, but I think he's coming from a good place, he just doesn't verbalize it. Be yourself.

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        • pussinboots
          11 years ago

          "Its very hard integrating into a Muslim clan if your not Muslim."

          I don't think so, but i know you're just making buzz about it. You know nothing.

          Islam is the easiest religion to be converted on the earth. You just need to say or repeat a sentence, that's all. Moreover, they like converts more than muslim-borns, and they have enormous tolerance to converts.

          Anyway, being muslim or christian shouldn't be point here. I still see fundamentalist people around everywhere, they even connect a relationship or marriage to religion.

          This person who opened this topic shouldn't be muslim just to win him. I mean, they both could chose path of science and except those realities about, earth, nature, DNA, genes and evulotion.

          Excepting science as a truth will make our lifes better in every sense. It will end crusades, stereotypes, killing men for their beliefs, animal sacrifices, and bad-ending inter-cultural love stroies as well.

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          • thinkingaboutit
            11 years ago

            uh---how are telling me what my experience with muslim groups are? you in fact know nothing of it.

            converting isn't hard. trying to fit in which a people who live a foreign lifestyle is.

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            • pussinboots
              11 years ago

              No you know nothing. I know everything about it. I'm better and superiour than you! Kneel! :-)

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