Relationship with step-daughter.

69% Normal
7 Comments

So, I entered into a relationship with a man who was just getting out of a marriage, and he had a seven-year-old daughter(whom I'll refer to as May). We have now been married for three years, and I have a gorgeous 10-year-old step-daughter. I have been struggling with my feelings towards May, and whether or not they are valid. I am sort of resentful towards her, and I cannot overcome that hostility. She is a little whiny, but no more than I would have been at that age, and she is such a daddy's girl. She will often times interrupt moments between her father and I for attention's sake. She smothers her father and will do anything in her power to create a barrier between he and I when she is around. She has the only-child syndrome, and becomes angered by the thought of her father and I having children. Some of the tension probably stems from the fact that her mother and I despise eachother, but I have tried to be myself and really befriend May despite the strain. I can only imagine coming from a household with both parents, what it might feel like to have two separate mother-father realtionships, but I have done my best. I want to build a relationship with my step-daughter, but I cannot seem to overcome my resentment, if I can call it that...is this normal?

Voting Results
69% Normal
Based on 65 votes (45 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • andrian007
    13 years ago

    What you're feeling is perfectly normal. From here on, I think your husband needs to speak to his daughter and make it clear to her that you are now his new wife and that he and you need private time together. Being confrontational with your step-daughter will only be counterproductive. Be polite but persistent.

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  • TripMonster
    13 years ago

    Her whole family is going to have to sit down and make a whole acceptance of you now being part of the family and May's second mother.

    This is going to have to include her biological mother. Because if she does not accept you or like you, then the daughter isn't.

    So the real obstical here isn't the daughter, but the biological mother. She is the one with the negative feelings, and that of course effects the daughter, and she's the real mother. So of course she's going to side with her feelings.

    So this isn't going to be settled until the bio mom stops being immature.

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  • Crudhouse
    12 years ago

    You'll need to pump out love and patience for at least 5 years to get any reciprocity. Also, might want to relax with the discipline for the first couple of years.

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  • epsilon523
    12 years ago

    I have seen this happen before with my mom and step sister but I'll tell you this make the relationship now and eventually she will grow to accept you as a friend. Your resentment is just because she is an unmovable obstacle between your husband and you. Just accept that and you'll be fine.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    I think you and the father need to have a long, heart to heart discussion about these observations and that HE needs to take an active role in repairing or building the relationship. This is clearly a two-way street but you are the adult and need to approach the issue in a logical and serious way IF you want the relationship with her father to last. It should be clear to all parties that your role is not to replace her mother, but to support her father and compliment the family unit. If these things are not happening then you and her dad need to seek counseling separately first and then (possibly) together with the child later. The child should not be "forced" into counseling at an early stage as this may become an issue between the separating parents; and the step-daughter may exploit it to her advantage.

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  • nanimeow
    13 years ago

    Counseling.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Just remember that you are the adult and she is a child, and you be fine in the long run.

    Keep being supportive of her, even though she drives you nuts.

    Let your husband know what's going without seeming critical, so that he's aware of what is going on (communication is paramount). You can ask him to help, but I'd be wary of pushing him too much because it may cause him to resent you about it, and if you have any future problems with her, he might not want to hear your opinion anymore.

    There's nothing you can do about the ex-wife hating on you - that's just a part of marrying a guy with an ex. Just tolerate her shit as best you can and try not to participate in any arguments with her.

    Good luck.

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