Regret, guilt—does it make me a bad person?

72% Normal
5 Comments

I made a terrible mistake. I was stupid, and I’m not even sure about what to do.

About two years ago, I met a woman at a friend’s party. Right off the bat, she showed interest in me which is very uncommon for a guy like me because I’m not exactly a lady’s man, not that I think I’m ugly or anything, but women don’t usually give me their time of day which is why I think I fell for her so hard. I think she did something for my self-esteem. Anyway, we started dating and she told me she had five kids all with different fathers (which should’ve been an immediate red flag, but again, I was stupid). She was unemployed, living with different people, and she wanted to move in with me which I wasn’t comfortable with as I had just gotten my own apartment and was saving my money for when I would start school.

The mistake happened when she was over my house one night. She assured me she was on the pill and I believed her, big mistake, nine months later, and I’m stuck with a kid I never asked for. She wants to get married now. We haven’t even dated for that long, about a year. I don’t know what to do. I let her move in with me because I felt like it was the right thing to do, but I have to be honest, and I know this will make me sound like a bad person but I don’t even really love my son. I try to, but I just can’t. I feel like my life is ruined. Sometimes, I just wanna kill myself (I’m not going to).

I’ve been thinking about leaving. I know that if I do though, I’m gonna feel bad. I think her children see me as a father figure, and my own kid, I don’t like the idea of anyone having to grow up without their father. He hasn’t even seen his first birthday yet, but I’m not ready for kids. Especially not six of them. I’m only 21 years old, and I haven’t even gotten started on life yet. The really messed up thing is my brother tried to warn me about her, but I was so caught up in “love” that I didn’t listen. I let someone take advantage of me. Is it normal I want to walk out? I’ve been really considering this. If I do, though, would that make me a bad person? Am I gonna hate myself for doing this? None of this is the kids’ fault, but I know they will be hurt the most by this.

Voting Results
72% Normal
Based on 18 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • Emarmake
    7 years ago

    to me, it sounds like this women has manipulated you in the worst way possible. And i am truly sorry this had happened to you. But now, whether you like it or not, you are a father. being a father is no small task and you have every right to be scared. But if you think you will want a future with your son, then you are going to have to stay and be with him. trust me, you don't want to wake up one day 10 years from now and realize how you missed so much of your childs life and suddenly want nothing more than to be apart of their life only to have them reject you. however you don't have to be with the women- frankly she kinda sounds like the worst- but your child is important. you may not feel that over powering sense of love that most people feel at the moment, but that may change. right now, theres a chance you feel like blaming your kid because you feel robbed of your youth, and thats understandable. but you shouldn't blame your child. always remember, your child did not choose this, they did not choose to live, they did not force you to have sex, they did not choose their mother or their father. they are innocent to all of this. so please don't blame you're child. and try to remember, you will fall in and out of love with many women, but your child will forever love you unconditionally. and that is the most important thing in the world.

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  • barrysbigbeanbag
    7 years ago

    Bullshit!!

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  • TexasToast09
    7 years ago

    I think it's normal to want out of a bad situation that you got pulled into. You should talk to a relationship counselor, alone at first if you have to.

    I don't think you should stay together, but you should try to take care of your son. Like you suggest, you will probably regret it if you don't at least try to take part in his life.

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  • Angelandme
    7 years ago

    OP got rekt.
    OP I don't let anyone tell me how to live my life.
    Idk If you're religious or not, I'm agnostic. Idc what God thinks of me and even less so what people think of me. I just do whatever the fuck I want, am I good or bad? I barely care anymore.
    Most people believe there is a judgement after one passes away, I'm agnostic so could be. But the most important judgement I feel it in my being is myself passing judgement everytime I go to bed at night and ask myself if I lived the way I wanted to, I'll do that for the long sleep too.
    Betyeras I'll be a happy mother fucked then too haha.

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  • bubsy
    7 years ago

    If this is true, OP, you made as many mistakes in the span of two years that it takes most beta men two decades to make. Get out of there, pay child support, whatever. You won't have a future otherwise. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy", and find some common sense.

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