Psychology

24% Normal

Alright, I am asking this question out of curiosity, because I love to study people, and am into studying psychology.

I got married to my wife almost two years ago, and this incident happened when we were two weeks into our marriage. This woman on the internet who was a big fan of me due to me being an internet meme sent me a message, and we became friends. After a while, we started to get closer and closer, and we ended up falling in love. I cried on my bed, and my wife came in asking what was wrong. I hesitated to answer, and I told her that I felt bad because I was talking to another woman behind her back. She smiled at me, and then said as long as we didn't do anything sexual, she wasn't upset about this.

I then paused for a moment, and said I was crying over something worse. She asked what, and I told her I was in love with this woman. She paused with her eyes glazed while backing away from the bed, and then said ".....oh my god....you did not just say that...." and then she yelled "NO!! YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME!!" and ran in the room crying. I made up with her and fixed the whole issue, and she forgave me for what I did, and everything is fine now. I know what I did was adultery, but one cannot control their emotions over another person.

I'm just curious to ask if most women would feel this way if their man said something like this compared to just sleeping with a woman, and then dumping her without having feelings for her. It seems like words are very powerful, and can have a huge impact on someone. Ladies, would you rather your boyfriend/husband fall in love with a woman, or accidentally slip up and have sex with her, but then tossed her without caring about her?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfqrMgHOqnA

Voting Results

24% Normal

Based on 17 votes (4 yes)

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Comments ( 52 )

CountessDouche

9 years ago | pl

Both the emotional affair of the physical one-off would be unacceptable to me, and either one would probably end the relationship. Having said that, hearing my husband say that he fell in love with someone else would be slightly worse, as an emotional betrayal has to be cultivated over time, with intention and can't simply be chalked up to a one time mistake.

I'd divorce you either way. Cheating is a deal breaker for me.

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- RoseIsabella
  
  9 years ago
  
  Precisely!
  
  To be completely honest I'd rather hear he died in an awful way.
  
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  - mesteve
    
    9 years ago
    
    Agreed. I tell the younger generation. you can find love anywhere. Trust is the one that's hard to find and keep.
    
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    - RoseIsabella
      
      9 years ago
      
      Trust is a precious thing.
      
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- JoshCube2
  
  9 years ago
  
  Emotional betrayal is not always intentional, it can be unintentional if both parties do not realize they are going through a "brain click".
  
  My wife told me she now doesn't care if I accidentally fell in love with someone again, as long as I didn't pursue the situation after it happened. I think women should forgive their husbands if the husband is willing to close the door after it opened.
  
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  - CountessDouche
    
    9 years ago
    
    Nope, sorry.
    
    If you are married and you find yourself "clicking" or sharing an increasingly intense mental connection with someone of the opposite sex, you owe it to your spouse have the responsibility to have some forethought and nip it in the bud before it becomes a problem. Emotional affairs are just as bad as physical ones, and you should know better than to put yourself situations where you are at risk of making that happen. Don't act like you had no choice in the matter.
    
    You're a shitty husband. I'd kick you the fuck out of my house, asshole.
    
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    - RoseIsabella
      
      9 years ago
      
      http://youtu.be/0mj6B4DtNyM
      
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    - JoshCube2
      
      9 years ago
      
      A person doesn't find their self "clicking" until it actually happens. Men can have close connections to both males and females, so it would be like telling him to dump all his friends. When you say "nip it in the bud before it becomes a problem", I said that I stopped seeing this woman when I developed these feelings. If I pursued the relationship with these feelings, then that's a different story. Also, some people don't realize that they are in a risky situation until it actually happens.
      
      Countless, even if you did kick me out of the house, I would still love you as a husband. I'm a very sensitive man, and I would be devastated if you did this without speaking to me about the issue. We don't live in a perfect world. I would forgive you for any mistakes you did to me, and you should do the same.
      
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      - modernism
        
        9 years ago
        
        That just got personal. *cough*
        
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        RoseIsabella
        
        9 years ago
        
        I know dats right!
        
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modernism

9 years ago

I would be more devastated over a husband emotionally cheating rather than sexually or physically cheating. Either way, I'd have a serious problem with it and would possibly divorce depending on the specific situation.

If a hypothetical husband (or anyone) would cheat by kissing, having sex, or whatever - I'd just know right away that this guy is a douchebag and doesn't deserve me or anyone with a higher value for love. It'd be over right there and then and frankly, I probably wouldn't be as crushed over it knowing I'm getting rid of an ass with no self-control.

An emotional attachment is deeper than just sex. If a husband (or anyone - again) would develop a relationship with another person and would get to the point of falling in love - I'd be ruined. That'd probably be due to the fact love is basically honesty in itself and to know that this person is honestly in love with another person would just be conflicting for me personally. I would be mad, obviously, but I'd also understand why he did it so I wouldn't really know what to think.

Either way, I'd probably walk. If a person can cheat once, they are probably more inclined to cheat again (sexually, not emotionally).

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/14/cheating-study_n_5680250.html

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- JoshCube2
  
  9 years ago
  
  What if the man closed his feelings for the woman he loved? Humans can fall in love at any time. It cant be controlled.
  
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  - modernism
    
    9 years ago
    
    I'd appreciate the effort, but I'd still be skeptical. I agree that humans can't control when the fall in love, but that also means that they can't control when to fall out of love.
    
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    - JoshCube2
      
      9 years ago
      
      Humans can disconnect the in love feeling, it just requires a lot of focus and determination. When my wife told me to choose between her and that woman, I disconnected my feelings from the woman, and then I went into an emotional breakdown that included screaming on my bed crying.
      
      I never want to go through something like that again. The pain inside me was unbearable.
      
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      - modernism
        
        9 years ago
        
        Well, wouldn't that be more of disconnecting yourself with the fantasy and reconnecting with reality - rather than the woman? I feel like the consequences and reaction of the partner play a big role. Imagine if your wife was completely okay with you falling in love with another woman?
        
        I'm just taking a stab here but you were probably screaming and crying because you regret it and didn't want to hurt your wife. If she was all cool about it, then there wouldn't be anything to be pained about - other than guilt.
        
        So, I think instead of it being completely disconnecting the love, it'd be more like weighing the love. When given an option, a person can realize that they love their partner more than the person they're cheating with. Even if it's a 5% to 95% weigh-in, 5% is still with someone else.
        
        (This isn't applying to you necessarily, since I know nothing about your relationship - just in general)
        
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reminiscent

9 years ago

I honestly couldn't pick one over the other...id pretty much be devastated if ether happened.

What meme?

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- JoshCube2
  
  9 years ago
  
  Google "JoshCube".
  
  As a man's perspective, I think a person falling in love with someone is worse, because once their minds have gone that far, there's a chance you may never see that person again. As for sex, men can be weak, and leaving the woman would result in his relationship staying stable, because he chooses to be with his girlfriend/wife.
  
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  - reminiscent
    
    9 years ago
    
    Ether way you would never see me again. I would leave the man.
    
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    - JoshCube2
      
      9 years ago
      
      One must learn to forgive.
      
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      - reminiscent
        
        9 years ago
        
        Nope...been there done that guy cheated again .... never again.
        Its acdeal breaker im loayl to you its not too much if a stretch for you to be the same to me....
        You want to sleep with another woman you can break up with me first.
        Cheeting is disgusting act...that no one deserves to have done to them
        
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        reminiscent
        
        9 years ago
        
        Just googled you...is this woman you fell in love with Marin? A fictional character? ?? Because seriously (≡ε≡；)
        
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        JoshCube2
        
        9 years ago
        
        But you would leave a man if he had feelings for a woman, but didn't do anything sexual? You do realize that people cannot control their emotions, right? It would be like telling someone not to cry, or get angry.
        
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Darkoil

9 years ago

You fell in love over the Internet?

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- JoshCube2
  
  9 years ago
  
  Yes. Its very possible for a man and woman to exchange emotions over the internet.
  
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DovahkiinDread

9 years ago

I'd beat him if he cheated on me because he deserves to feel the pain he caused me He is a piece of shit that doesnt deserve my love of he is going to cheat. There os something wrong with him and I know the beating would be extreme but Id want him to learn so he would never hurt a woman again. And I'd leave him if he loved another woman. If he's tired of me then fine I can let him go.

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green_boogers

9 years ago

Falling in love, and having a crush are different things. Married people get unintentional crushes on coworkers, etc quite often. If you avoid non-business contact with your crush, and keep your hands off of each other, that's all your spouse can expect.

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RainbowDischarge

9 years ago

I would punch you with a knife.

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moonyrose

9 years ago

I will probably forgive a physical cheating.. I`m not sure because it`s too painful and I will never forget it for sure, even though I will understand that it could be just a weakness or something. Emotional cheating means that my boyfriend/husband made his choice and he does`t want to stay with me anymore, so why not to break up.

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KeepsakeDoll

9 years ago

I'd be pretty ticked off if both were to happen. Emotionally cheating means you allowed yourself to get too close to that person. Sleeping with another simply means you're a damn horndog who couldn't even control yourself.

I suppose if I had to choose, I'd rather they cheat on me sex wise since they're not attached to the other person. If they're not attached then they're less likely to go and be with them. However, I'd probably 'lose' all feelings for the person. (Reaction formation?)
Losing all my feelings compared to being emotionally devastated is more ideal for me, though.

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SkullsNRoses

9 years ago

Out of curiosity, which internet meme are you?

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- JoshCube2
  
  9 years ago
  
  Google "JoshCube".
  
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  - SkullsNRoses
    
    9 years ago
    
    Lol, beautiful trolling, would you recommend I read your fanfic?
    
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    - JoshCube2
      
      9 years ago
      
      "Nintendo's Fan's Lust (2012 Re-Write)"? Go for it. Its good.
      
      I'm thinking about making a part II. It will be me having a foursome with my wife, Peach, and Zelda in the same bed. I will be plowing my wife's ass while she's eating out Peach and fingering Zelda. That will be the SHIT......
      
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAollh4eIFY
      
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      - SkullsNRoses
        
        9 years ago
        
        Lol, post it here when it's up, I'll look forward to it.
        
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Shrunk

9 years ago

I don't get it...
You're this JoshCube person? You tried to spam-bomb YTMND? lol...wtf. Who is your "wife", some anime character? printed on a pillow, maybe..? :/

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- JoshCube2
  
  9 years ago
  
  Nope, her name is Laura, she is a real person. I wasn't the same as I was years ago. My personality changed twice over the past 12 years.
  
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  - Shrunk
    
    9 years ago
    
    Ok. did she like the AMV you made her?
    
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    - JoshCube2
      
      9 years ago
      
      I haven't showed her yet.
      
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- JoshCube2
  
  9 years ago
  
  No, she's a real person, her name is Laura. I'm not the same as I was years ago. My personality changed twice over the past 12 years.
  
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Psychology