Pre- op transman prison love fantasy with cis girl obsession worries me?

I know I've said this before that it's normal for me to have this fantasy. I know there are sites for this to write this fantasy. I still couldn't find any that were free. So anyways My libido is sky rocket today. I just got my testosterone shot yesterday. Well my girlfriend is at work and I'm here alone in my bed listening to heavy metal but it's instrumental. On porn hub looking at lesbian prison love. I try to imagine myself as the transman who wants to join in and watch the girls. Well I have this fantasy of being put in a woman's cell with two women. One woman hates the fact I'm a transman and has called me a freak. The other one doesn't know if she should even like transgender people. I try to tell her that she's sexy and there's nothing wrong with transmen. She ignores me and I keep on to the point I feel her beautiful long hair. She tries to bite my hand and I laugh suductivly. The other girl tells me that the girl I like would never want me because I'm a freak a fucken TRANNY... she wants real men with the ability to procreate and have a real functional dick. The real deal basically. She also has a husband too. She's just not with him right now,because she's in prison. She also has kids with 2 daughters like ages 7 and 10. Every night I can't stop thinking about the woman. She's 4'10, has a high soft voice and has double d size cups, a big ass and curvy...mmm I think. She woke up to me doing naughty things to myself but she looked at me in shock..while I shout out her name..,Amanda,Amanda,Amanda your so beautiful my pretty girl. She rolls her eyes. This fantasy got so bad that, I actually yelled her name in real life and my neighbor Heard. Oh shit! Me thinking she knows my girlfriends name if she hears another girl, she'd think I'm cheating but I'm not. Amanda is just fantasy. So back to my fantasy. Well the next day all of us went to get lunch. The cooking lady was rude to me calling me female pronouns only because someone told her I'm transgender. I tried to sit next to Amanda but her friend Brittany said no one sits with freak shows. Her friends tried to block my path. I saw Amanda and I quickly ran to her table getting past her friends. I told her that's a nice hotdog is there mayonnaise on it too? Wouldn't you like a transguys hotdog? I was joking with her. She took it as offensive and creepy. I tried to feel her breast and everything. That's when shit got real. All of her friends told me to leave her alone. They all tried to fight me. Amanda was crying for all of this fighting. I knocked out 2 girls. They thought I was weak because I was born female. Still I'm a transman with testosterone so I'm way stronger. Some other girls were screaming security for help. The cafeteria lady called one of the guards to handcuff me. I looked back and saw Amanda feeling bad but turn on at the same time. They put me in solitary for my behavior. Even then I couldn't stop thinking about Amanda. She was everything to me. I've fallen in love. Prison love. After this fantasy I had a big orgasim. So guys, do you think I'm crazy for being obsessed with this fantasy. I honestly feel like a doughbag for thinking these thoughts. I would never hit or harassed a woman or man. I don't understand why I get off to nasty shit like this. Why power, dominice and even rape turns me on. Rape is not something to joke about. These fantasies make me feel like a monster. I love my girlfriend and would never do anything like that. I believe in Constant. No is no. :/ sometimes I'm ashamed of myself for having fantasies like that. Gang bang and fake rape turns me on. I don't understand why? Why can't I be normal? I was told that I would do well with the BDSM community.