Poem i wrote to my long distance relationship girlfriend. score?

15 Comments

It's my FIRST EVER poem. Was just in a sleepless night and kinda inspired so I just wrote it. Leave a comment about what you think about it and what she might have felt about it, please.

"sometimes I think I'm dreaming,
sometimes I wish I was,
thou I'm glad I'm not
cause I hear my heart screaming.

some might think it's impossible,
others think we're crazy,
thou it's for the lazy
to have such thoughts
cause they don't understand
and need to be taught
that the only impossibility,
is the possibility
of finding something impossible.

not so long has passed,
but long enough for a heart
to know from the start,
that IT will only end when it passes.

being IT love
it's up to us to give it meaning,
we both know it's dove,
and you have no idea how I'm feeling.

for love, "distance"
is not a resistance,
it's a matter of existence.

for you, in my heart, I have a special place
it's occupying a once empty space,
you are what completes me
you give me a reason to be.

I'll be always by your side
while life gives us the ride,
just wanna say how much I love you
and I know you do too."

1 - very bad 7
2 - poor 2
3 - ok as of first one 10
4 - decent 4
5 - excellent 2
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Comments ( 15 )
  • anti-hero
    9 years ago

    If you are 18-19.... 3. If you're 20-30... 2. If you're 30+ ... 1.

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    • charli.m
      9 years ago

      That's generous :/

      OP - your sentiment is lovely, but poetry doesn't seem to be your forte.

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        9 years ago

        You're right.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I'm 19.

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      • anti-hero
        9 years ago

        I will go with 2.5

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  • Jweezee
    9 years ago

    Roses are red violets are blue the poem sucks and your girl hates you. Awww...just kidding, champ. Your heart is in the right place.

    Here's a sappy little something I'll crap out for a long distance relationship. You can send it to her and take the credit.

    The beating of your distant heart, gives my empty day it's start. rising from the ether of sleep, my thoughts you begin to keep. In my arms I wish you were, life before you just a blur. our love is bitter sweet, existence agony until we finally meet. A willing prisoner of your love, release is your presence, parting cage and dove. Spread your wings and fly to me so peace will finally come and I can be free.

    I just realized i suck at poem structure.

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  • derpyderp
    9 years ago

    Doesn't matter. It's from you & it's pure thoughtfulness. Therefore she should fucking love it regardless of whether or not you're a master wordsmith...
    Good job

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  • Freedom_
    9 years ago

    She'll love it because it came from you, but she's probably going to sitting there scratching her brain for a little while. Some things in there just don't make sense.

    I think thou= though? 'Thou' is a 2nd person singular subjective pronoun (ex. "thou hast my heart").

    My advice: read more poems and keep it simple.

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    • stopandthink
      9 years ago

      'Scratching her brain'.
      Thank you for making me smile.

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  • stopandthink
    9 years ago

    I made a poem for a long distance girlfriend of mine once. 4 months later I read it, laughed, and deleted it.

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  • Darkoil
    9 years ago

    Is this a joke? Lol

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    for you, in my heart, I have a special place
    it's occupying a once empty space,
    you are what completes me
    you give me a reason to be.

    I'll be always by your side
    while life gives us the ride,
    just wanna say how much I love you
    and I know you do too."
    10 out of 10

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Thanks!

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  • zsdworknman
    9 years ago

    Where is the hilarious option I missed it. Keep it up though guy I'm pretty sure im not exactly your target audience so don't put much weight on my comment just keep pluggin away if she doesn't like it than forget her good luck kid.

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
    9 years ago

    fuckin up the syntax to git a certain rhymin word to fit is crazy

    and lazy

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