Pleasing others

58% Normal
3 Comments

All my life I feel like I've had to live my life to please others. It's like I'm trying to live the lives they wanted. Best example is my parents. I've tried SO hard to impress them and make them happy. In turn, I've become really depressed. I managed to achieve straight A's in school, worked my butt off, went to college, etc. Yet whenever I did something wrong, they were always so quick to point it out. They seem to remember the bad over the good. I always feel like a total failure in their eyes. People tell me I'm not, but I feel useless and worthless.
I'm now 28 years old, and I'm still trying to please everyone but myself - for example, my parents, other relatives, boyfriend, friends, WORK, etc. I go above and beyond for them, but inside I feel like a piece of crap. I feel like I can't ever live my own life.
I also work overtime whenever possible, and when it's not available, I find a second job. Then the government takes it all. Again, it's not for me.
Is this normal? And what can I do?? Thanks.

Voting Results
58% Normal
Based on 43 votes (25 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • combatgal856
    14 years ago

    I feel that way. I've felt better by just saying no. Or telling myself 'the reason I am doing what I am doing is because I want to do it for ME and MY future', that way you can feel in control because you know what you are doing is for you and no one else.

    The more you stick up for yourself, the easier it becomes, and others around you will stop asking you for so much because you would have set you're limits.

    I used to be a push over, especially when it came to boyfriends, I found that if you fight for what you want, you get it and you get respect out of it which boosts the way you visulise yourself, and therefore decreses depression.

    It takes time but just take baby steps and you will notice a difference in the way you see yourself and the way others see you.

    Sorry its such an essay, hope I helped

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  • smellypillowgirl
    8 years ago

    I used to be a people pleaser, then I got wise and left. Now I am more assertive and have learnt to say NO and feel much more in control of my life. I wanted people to be my friends so I was a bit of a push over, then I thought I dont really like the feeling thaat im left with, you know empty and hating myself so I stopped groveling to other people and I say no more often. It is much better in the long run to be a friend to yourself or you have nothing, if you dont like yourself people wont either, they will sense that you want friends and they will take advantage.Its not nice but thats the way it is.

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  • hashbrowns
    14 years ago

    well u obviously not abnormal given ur situation but i think that its up to you. it sounds like the very ppl who think they are lifting you up r in fact draggin you down. whatever their motives are aren't ur concern so break the habit of compromising urself to fit in with others' expectations. how do u do that? anyway u dam want, theres no right or wrong way to be urself thats the point. u know who u are so tell them to go to hell (in ur mind) and do what u want and be whoever the hell u want to be and dnt hold back because before you know it u'll be looking back on life wishing u had been stronger and taken the courage to break out =D

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