Parents - if you lived your life over, would you still have kids?

I would not change one single thing about my life as a wife and mother. The day that Peiter and I were told we were going to have twins; {did not know what gender until birth}; we both were so thrilled and over-joyed we both right then and there in the Doctor's office danced the "Hallelujaha Chorus!" The joy we had watching them grow-up, going through skinned knees, school bullies, teenage romanaces that fizzled, just the joy of having them was awesome, worth all the changes made, from holding them in your arms and loving them and they being so helpless and dependent on you, till the day they spread their wings to Computer University, to marriage and now our son James and his really lovely wife Adonna are now blessing us with twin grand-daughters, the greatest blessing ever from God.

In our youth, little girls are enchanted by the prospect of happily ever after and allured by the prospect of becoming a Wife and Mother. Being raised with Christian values and morals mixed with our god given instincts as a female, this dream and vision is as natural and alluring as breathing for many.

But one of the many things that we are not prepared for is how deep our love is and how powerful that our god given protection instincts are once we give birth to a beautiful Baby. It is hands down the most “pure” time in any Relationship that brings an incredibly powerful sense of bond and eternal bliss.

What we are not prepared for is the results of such a “pure” love. I said, “pure” love not a perfect love. Like the old adage, they don’t come with instructions, but none-the-less, my Husband and I took our responsibility very serious and WHOLE HEARTEDLY (profoundly love him).

Our oldest was very easy and we were a very close family unit and very close external family unit until around the age of 13 when we could clearly see that the “dark side” was trying to steal our Son’s heart and soul. Like any Parents that are trying to do the right thing, we were very involved (in protective mode) and held our Son “accountable” after each call from Retailers and his Employer for stealing, to getting his high school girlfriend Pregnant his Senior year (after hundreds of talks on the subject. i.e. protection) it was one problem after another. Every time the phone rang from the age of 13-18, we would just cringe and look at each other with, what now? It was exhausting. It was perpetual groundings, perpetual talks of coaching, mentoring and guidance all in hopes of trying to make a difference in his life and to our fault, “we always bailed him out”. But our deep love for him has never wavered.

A now 24 year old married and grown young Man that can “function” on his own (with help from his wife) only to grow up to label our Parenting and the accountability for his actions and choices as a complete depletion of his self- worth, self- esteem and self- value and social dysfunction as null thanks to us. Oh he and his Wife come over for their obligatory Holiday and Birthday visits watching their Watches the entire time and we are grateful for the bread crumbs of time that we get to spend with them and our adored Grandchild.

Meanwhile, I have been trapped in this perpetual state of assuming all of the blame and responsibility. It has to be our fault. What did we do wrong? Were we to strict? Not strict enough through spoiling (yes, we did over indulge his desires for material things growing up)? Yes, I was very involved during all of this, but with all of the perpetual red flags, I thought that I was supposed to. All I wanted was to make a difference and save him from the dark side. I would gladly assume all of the fault and responsibility to fix this, but his anger and hate runs too deep and he is trapped in a narcissistic state of it is always someone else’s fault in his life which has rendered him borderline socially in-ept.

This once bubbly, type-a, very social, strong and friendly gal is broken. Raising him and trying to settle and digest the results has broken me and I have become a former shell of myself. Day-in and day-out just trying to get through each day like a Robot, go to work, prepare meals, clean our home and force a smile when someone does visit us is as good as it gets all though I prefer to be alone as much as possible.

Fortunately we have normal and healthy relationship with our other grown Son.

People can look at life as a mother as an easy choice, but it is not for the faint of heart. That being said, my children give me purpose. They give me a reason to live and do the things that I do every day. So its awesome. I got pregnant very soon after being married and If I could do it over, I would just wait until I was married for a few years. There are a few things I would like to do with my husband that I cannot do with two little ones, and Ill never be young enough to do and enjoy those things the same way again. The chance is just gone. Once you are in it you are in it.

not at my age i would have waited till i was ready and married to someone i truly loved

My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me, so YES absolutely!

I wouldn't change a thing. I was 19 when I unexpectedly got pregnant. I wasn't with the father either. We had our fights for a while but now everything is cool. My daughter is everything to me and I'm everything to her. We are great friends but she knows I'm her mother first. We have so much fun together. The only thing I would change is my pregnancy. I'd like to start over at the beginning of it and make sure I didn't gain so much damn weight. That's all I'd do-over

Yes I would do it over again. I have a large extended family and there is and always has been a lot of children around. We are very social and have always helped one another, making child rearing a lot easier! The part that was difficult for me was the hormone shifts, getting my body back, and knowing that there is now a person in this world that depends on me.

My son is 15 and I didn't get out until he was 5 years old. He ruined my marriage, my hubby was jealous coz I loved him sooo much. Anyway son comes first, hubby big enough and ugly enough to see to himself - child not!

love my son to bits but now he's growing up I'm not needed as much. Ready to change my life! I don't think I'm one for 24/7 responsibility which is what a child is. Ends your life as you know it!!!

How can the yes 79 and the no 39 add up to 110?

I never wanted to get married or have kids, yet somehow I got married and had kids. I guess it was the path of least resistance. Also, I had very little direction from adults in my life growing up, so I wasn't encouraged toward the career path I should have taken. However, I don't regret having my two kids, who are now almost grown. It has been a joy to see them become the people they are, although not without its occasional frustration and heartache, of course-that's normal. Marriage, however, well, that has really been a source of pain. Sometimes good, but often so much stress that I would never get married again if this marriage ultimately doesn't work out. I think the younger generations are savvier about relationships than mine was. (I'm 50, female, married 25 years.)

i had one baby that was adopted. I wish I`d stayed a virgin!

Wow! I came in here to see the result, it's almost 50/50 Hope your kids don't see that :O

hell to the fuck no!!

I wouldn't do it over again. Or if I would, I'd do it later on. I never knew there were so many things I wanted to do with my life that DON'T involve a child. You live and learn.

really surprised, so many 'no' responses, not something people admit usually.

I'm not a parent but I really want to see parents' comments on this! People please comment :)

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

It's all worth it in the end.