Paralyzed - please help.

Your loss of your job obviously affected you on a very deep level. My guess is you were somewhat married to your work and most of your pride came from it. My advice would be to go back to your support system -- you need it now more than ever. Look for jobs in that area. It is unhealthy for you to be completely alone right now. Most of all, use that network of friends; talk to them, tell them what happened. Once you are surrounded by those who love you, you will gain your confidence back.

Well it is time to make some lists (for yourself).
* Make a list every job you ever had (decide which ones you didn't like).
* Make a list of every thing you hate doing for work & a list of everything you liked doing.
* Make a list of what you haven't done but want to & things you wouldn't ever want to do again.
* Make a list of why you wanted the job & a list of the cascading fears that paralyzed you.
* Write down why you feel like you lost your last job. Are you resentful? Were you singled out?

People who have been successful and risen in the ranks usually suffer the greatest anxiety when it comes to "Asking for employment". If you were so good at what you did, then how come you don't still have a job? Everyone who has risen in the ranks, accumulates a degree of incompetence (I mean, no one is great at everything in their job description & it takes time to see the big picture).

Your employment can effect other aspects of your life and VISE VERSA. Looking at the list/s, can you see any points in you work history, where your work effected all three of the major elements of your life: Work/Family/Social, all at the same time? Those would be periods where your mental health was vulnerable to depressed behavior (you were unhappy).

Moving back with your parents is so common (especially now) it is almost fashionable. As my family genealogist, I find so many generations, where a child or their family moved back with the parents(for years).

Working for a big firm has prestige and perks but most people don't work at Corp. America. One of the worst things about working for a big firm is that their are people who feel threatened by your skills or relationships or want your job. There are some very successful, conniving bottom-feeders in large organizations and the number gets bigger when you are a woman and more concentrated the higher you go.

Don't be too good to consider working for the government. The pay is good, the paid holiday schedule is great, the benefits are better than in the private sector, the retirement is generous and you always get preferential treatment for reassignment instead of getting laid off. If your previous job has any strong connection to government vis-à-vis contracting or highly regulated (health care, etc.) then you are attractive.

It is OK to call your old boss and let them know that you are struggling to find work in your chosen career, even if they are the one who had you dismissed. Time has a way of softening views. If not your boss then perhaps a dept. head that you worked well with. They sometimes know people who left the company, are working at another firm and would be interested in bringing on board savvy help. Call your references, have they seen your resume, can they suggest tweaks or give you an inside lead?

If you were let go because of downsizing, don't be afraid to apply for a different job at the same company. If there is nothing negative in your job file you may get preferential treatment by HR & the dept. head. Be sure and include a list of internal references. (This can also backfire if you take a job at a lower salary and it negatively effects your vested Pension/profit-sharing plan).

If you did become married to your job, if your answer to the question 'What did you do this weekend?" became some version of "Nothing" then you need to change that. Everybody has a hobby, even if it is bizarre or people would think scandalous. You need to get out there and mix with likeminded people.

Making these lists is dorky and in some ways a pain. It may seem like a waste of time or some hokey therapy BS. Here is the thing, memory is a funny, if you invest yourself in preparing the lists, it will becomes harder to remember something after you have written it down. Most of the emotions you feel will have drained out with the ink of your pen. You can save the lists (I wouldn't look at them again for years) or throw them away as part of the catharsis. You probably felt some catharsis when you made you post here on Is it Normal.

Finally, you need to decide if being normal is all that comforting. If you can say to yourself, I like being married to my job. I am not going to get married because I don't want to. I am not going to be a parent. I don't feel alone when I am alone. What ever your not so normal is; then you need to own those feelings. It can take a while. It can feel selfish but it is a good selfish.

There are a lot of things that people view as normal that for some of us, come to represent a burden of unfulfilled goals. These unfulfilled goals can make us feel like imposters when it comes to owning the things we have accomplished. There are a lot of unhappy people who grabbed the brass ring of the so-called, normal merry-go-round and are shackled to their normal life.

You DO need to have a best friend and you do need to share your hobby with likeminded people.

Good Luck

I think somehow you made the right choice. For some reason you weren't meant to get that job. Maybe you won't know why, but soon you will. Something wonderful will come along.
I understand where your coming from. I'm recently divorced, no money and no job. It's hard to keep my chin up everyday! All the best to you.