Orgasm denial

My husband and I practice orgasm denial for him. It was something I first suggested as our sex life had become very boring and therefore sex had become a rare event, about half a dozen times a year at best. I discovered it on the internet and persuaded him to try it. Basically we agreed that we would indulge in some sort of sexual activity at least 3 times a week, but more if I decided. I would decide when and what we did but he was only allowed to cum when and if I said so. At first he used to cheat by getting himself off without my permission. We agreed the only way to stop that was a chastity cage and so we spent time investigating this option and breaking him in to using one. I now have a wonderful sex life with lots of orgasms every week and regular tease and denial sessions for him. I told him some time ago that he will only now be allowed one orgasm per week maximum and that will depend on his behaviour and my mood. More recently I have decided to deny him most weeks and reduce him to once or twice a month maximum. So far he hasn’t made too much fuss about this so I’m thinking of seeing just how far I can push him. He has become very obedient and now does nearly all the housework, he used to do hardly anything round the house. Sex is so much more fun these days and I have just recently started to experiment with pegging him. He doesn’t like this aspect but I’ve made it clear it’s the way forward for him because I said so and I’m the one who holds his key.

He should be allowed one orgasm about every 6 months. 0
He should be allowed one orgasm a week. 3
I should aim for permanent orgasm denial. 2
He should be allowed a maximum of one orgasm a month. 1
He should be allowed one orgasm per year. 1
He should be allowed one orgasm every 2 or 3 months. 1
He should be allowed one or two orgasms a month. 0
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Comments ( 15 )
  • RoseIsabella

    Ugh!

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  • Pilum

    I didn't see any good options for him.. Lol. Poor guy.

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    • I think the good option is probably once every 2 to 3 months. That would of course still be at my discretion, so could be a bit longer. If for example he had become sloppy with the housework, or failed to satisfy my own needs adequately, or perhaps just because I decided I wanted him to wait an extra month or so. You may wonder how that is a good option for him, but the fact is the longer he waits between orgasms the more he enjoys them when he does have one. He also tells me regularly that he enjoys bringing me to orgasm, but after he has had one of his own, it takes him a few days and sometimes as long as a week to really feel he is enjoying bringing me to orgasm again. Obviously anything that stops him getting satisfaction from my orgasms is a big concern for both of us. Me because he may not perform as well, and him because with so few of his own orgasms to enjoy its important that he gets a lot of pleasure from mine.

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  • jodi1955

    what works for you and husband is great, and to deny an orgasm to him is your right. It teaches him self control and to take time to please his partner not just jump on and bang away. I think if he slips up there should be a real discipline for him, not just another denial. perhaps have him jack off several times in one day and no climax. or bust his balls if he slips up. this will teach him more control.

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    • Sexual frustration is good for him, but I have no desire to cause him pain. Why would I want to do that he’s still my husband and I love him.

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  • techpc

    Disclaimer: I have never entered into a BDSM-focused relationship. Take my opinions here with a grain of salt.

    This doesn't sound like a healthy dom/sub relationship... You had him sign a contract?!? I mean, I've never participated in BDSM so maybe that's something acceptable, but...

    Also, I think it's outright abuse/rape that you force him to accept pegging, since that's "the way forward." You say, yourself, that he doesn't like it.
    From how this reads(of course, we are lacking a huge amount of context and information, we are not involved in the relationship), it sounds like abuse.

    I think it's fine to enter into a heavy BDSM relationship, you do you, but once you start imposing new rules without listening to his opinion, it turns into emotional and physical abuse.

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    • The whole point of the pegging is about keeping his prostrate healthy. He understands that and consequently agreed it’s something I should do, even though he doesn’t like it. He can of course always give notice on our arrangement, in which case we would continue throughout the notice period and at the end discuss whether to enter into a new arrangement with any adjustments to the terms. Alternatively we could go back to our boring virtually sexless relationship that we were having before taking this path.

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  • Sanara

    I don't know exactly how this works for men, so its hard to tell. I'm not even sure whats considered often or rare. Or how they experience lack of orgasm. I heard if they don't orgasm at all that actually increases the risk of cancer in that area. So that's certainly not good, Id say at least once a month. On the other hand doing it all the time will drain testosterone (also what Ive heard not 100% sure) so that isn't good either. Remember a relationship something mutual, so he should be allowed some pleasure too.

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    • The reason for pegging is this enables the prostrate to be milked which takes care of the cancer risk without him having an orgasm.

      The orgasm denial is consensual. We drew up a contract in the early days. It’s quite a long contract but the main highlights are.
      - He may only orgasm when I say so.
      - His orgasm will be a ruined one if that’s what I decide.
      - He can be denied for any reason at my discretion including I just wanted to say no.
      - I have the right to stop him just before he cums and leave him frustrated.
      - If he wants out of our arrangement he must give 2 months notice, or twice the number of days since his last orgasm, whichever is greater.
      - He can use our safe word in the case of an emergency for immediate release on the condition that he will not orgasm and will be relocked ASAP.
      - If he needs to use the safe word, once locked it will be a minimum 6 weeks before his next orgasm regardless of how long he has already waited and regardless of why it was necessary to unlock him.

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  • 1WeirdGuy

    Try ruined orgasm you can make dude cum 3 times in a row

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    • Tinybird

      what is ruined orgasm?

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      • Just at the point of no return all stimulation is stopped. His cum will dribble out emptying his balls but he doesn’t get the pleasure of a full orgasm. It has something to do with chemicals being released in the brain.

        The point of it is once these chemicals are released the man will go into recovery mode. He will probably at this point want to turn over and go to sleep. He will loose all interest in pleasuring his partner, cuddling, or any other romantic feelings you might want to continue with.

        When the orgasm is ruined the chemicals aren’t released so he will continue to be eager to please. His brain is fooled into thinking he hasn’t cum yet so he can keep pleasuring you as long as you want. When you decide it’s time to stop he will continue to have those feelings of frustration as if he hadn’t been allowed to cum. A man in this position will always be eager to please both in and out of the bedroom. So for instance he will be more likely to clean up the house, give you lots of orgasms, do all those other little jobs you have been nagging him about for ages etc.

        In short a man under orgasm control is well behaved and obedient. Managed properly he will cook, clean and wait on you to your hearts content. Meanwhile you can sit back and enjoy life. However, you do need to ensure he is not running off somewhere to get himself off to porn or worse still with another woman. If this happens then all the benefits of denying or ruining his orgasms are lost.

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      • Boojum

        It's where someone gets highly aroused sexually, usually after prolonged fiddling around that gets them closer and closer to the edge of release, but then everything stops just on the verge of orgasm.

        With guys, it can involve ejaculation without the feeling of relief. (Guys can experience the nice feelings of orgasm without ejaculation, and vice-versa.)

        From what I've read, it's not uncommon for girls and women to inflict ruined orgasms on themselves when they first start masturbating. When they approach the point where everything is about to detonate, they interpret the sensations as them needing to pee, all the inhibitions their Mom programmed into them kick in, and they stop. Then they think, "Playing with myself felt really nice, particularly towards the end, so I guess I must have had an orgasm. But it wasn't anything amazing, and I just feel sorta frustrated and antsy now. I guess masturbation isn't for me. And it was weird how I felt like I needed to pee real bad, but then nothing much came out."

        It's only when they force themselves to push on through to an orgasm that they learn to recognise the difference between the sensations of needing to pee and an approaching orgasm. Most of them will stop ruining their own orgasms after that, but some people enjoy playing mental games with themselves where they deny themselves orgasms. And some people enjoy having that sort of torture inflicted on them by others.

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  • dude_Jones

    You should allow him to sleep in a separate bedroom permanently. His mind is changing in ways that you could never understand.

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    • He has no desire to sleep in a separate bedroom. As I said before our arrangement is consensual.

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