Only get depressed over girls when they seem attainable

63% Normal
15 Comments

I'm a lot happier with the mindset that female affection is completely unattainable for me. Normally I don't care that I don't have any women in my life. It's become the norm for me, so I don't really feel like I'm missing anything. My expectations are lower, so I can feel content without a girl.

When i get the idea in my mind that there's a female in my life who's attainable, it raises my expectations and I fall into depression when it doesn't work out for me, even though I previously didn't even care about my lack of girlfriend.

example:I go for 2 years without talking to or being appreciated by women. I start seeing women as unattainable. I lower my expectations until I naturally feel content with having no girlfriend. All of a sudden a girl starts talking to me and acting nice. Now women start seeming attainable. I start fantasizing about how great it would be to have someone to cuddle with, and other shit. My expectation of life rises. Then, it doesn't work out. Now I feel like I'm missing something in my life, when previously I never even cared about women. I'm now no longer content with what I have because my expectations were raised.

Is it normal?

Voting Results
63% Normal
Based on 19 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • RoseIsabella
    7 years ago

    I think what you're describing is relatively normal. It seems I only ever meet anyone who could be right when I've made peace with and accepted own state of solitude.

    I'm moving half way across the country from Las Vegas to Houston on Saturday, June 18th to be with my boyfriend of the last six months and give it go. I'm not a gambler and I don't believe in luck, but I sure hope that the third time is the charm. If it doesn't work out I basically just hope and pray that we don't hurt each other. I feel good, yet oddly surreal that this time I'm lacking the desperation and foolish certainly I've had in my younger years.

    *cross your paws for me if you feel so inclined*

    I feel humble and grateful, yet afraid and in need of prayer. I ask my Atheist fellows to hold a good thought for me if they so choose.

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    • Tempest-au
      7 years ago

      Best of luck for this new chapter of your life. Hopefully you can beat the odds this time and have a long, happy and joyous relationship.

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      • RoseIsabella
        7 years ago

        Thanks, I much appreciate it.

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    • The_Creep_is_here
      7 years ago

      As your figment in creepiness, I the Creep, wish you and your blue-eyed ginger boyfriend all the happiness in the world. I will send my most positive Agnostic vibrations your way, and only say this, "Patience and kindness are more powerful than everything else. Take good care of each other."

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      • RoseIsabella
        7 years ago

        Thank you, my creepy brother, and keep on lurking!
        :-)

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        • The_Creep_is_here
          7 years ago

          :-)

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  • Tempest-au
    7 years ago

    Makes a lot of sense. As an old, fat, useless and poor cripple reliant on government benefits to survive, I don't feel I'll ever have a relationship again. I never thought of my acceptance as "zen-like", but I guess there is a certain serenity to it.

    I think the word to describe the phenomenon is "Realist".

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  • Tealights
    7 years ago

    The problem is, you're not realistic when it comes to women. It's as if you see us as wild unicorns you can't tame, when in reality we're just as normal and regular as men, only difference is we're nice to look at, wear less, and we have a vagina.

    Just treat us like people, and don't expect so much.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      I don't think you understand what I mean. I probably worded it poorly.

      What you see with horrendously ugly people is this zen-like state of mind where the idea that they'll die alone doesn't even affect them anymore. The mind adapts to make a person ignore the impossible and be content with what's possible. I had something like that for the past year, where I acknowledged my position with women was hopeless, and I was legitimately happy during that time.

      This state of mind is ruined when even a small shred of hope enters your thinking space. At that point the thing starts being considered possible, and you feel like it's something you're lacking in your life. Beforehand you didn't care because it was considered impossible, and subconsciously you eliminated it from the thinking process for survival purposes, but now that it's considered slightly possible, it's moved forward to the front of your mind, and you feel like you're missing a piece required for happiness.

      I do treat women like normal people, I just try not to actively pursue them like other men do. I feel like my state of mind is collapsing lately, however. It's weird. Maybe it's just hormones, but I feel like external influences have a lot to do with it too.

      If there's a name for this phenomenon please tell me. I don't know what exactly I'd type into google to figure that out.

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      • Tealights
        7 years ago

        Ah.

        So what do you think is ugly about you?

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      • Ass_gas
        7 years ago

        You are right. She doesn't get it. Most women incorrectly think there is a woman for every guy. Don't listen to them. I think your challenge is to maintain faith in womankind. To do this you will need non-sexual female friends. If a woman flirts with you a bit, it probably means she likes you like a brother. Have drink with her after work; sisters like that. Be empathetic, validate her joys and disappointments. She is woman you are showing your faith in, because you are a _____ man.

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        • Ian_gets_butthurt
          7 years ago

          You're lonely because you still adhere to the romantic notion that western civilization has sold to many men.

          Enjoy the time you have. Every moment, every little thing.

          Life is very short.

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          • Ass_gas
            7 years ago

            I am not lonely. Do you mean the OP?

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  • Potatoskins
    7 years ago

    I'm a girl and I do the exact thing. It's mostly because I notice that the guy is nice to everyone, and everyone flirts with him, so naturally my ugly shy self doesn't have a chance.

    Confidence does a lot for establishing relationships, it's just being confident in your own skin that is hard to do. Once you can maintain that confidence, you can probably win someone's heart.

    Trust me, I've seen some pretty ugly people live happy lives with tolerable people. Like my parents XD

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  • Freedom_
    7 years ago

    This sounds like your defense mechanism and this hope you mention threatens your defenses. You haven't truly accepted that you may or may not attain a romantic relationship. Perhaps you deny your inner longings in order to cope. Some women could become your friends, some will never talk to you again. You could find love, or you may never find it. Accepting that anything can happen may help you. However, if you continue holding onto your false defenses, the cycle will merely repeat itself indefinitely.

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