Omgisthisnormal??

I dream about that right guy for me with a nice tlc for body and smile/butt. Not emotionally, physically or mentally abusive or obessed, someone real, someone true, not into smokes or drugs, some single great guy right for me in every way.

I want him to rape me. I want him to suck my nipples not for milk or for foreplay but because he just wants to. I want him to love me and make sweet love to me but I'm so terribly mortified to be in a relationship it's like something is my head goes off once I know I'm with someone and I push them away.

Is there something wrong with me or is is normal???