Omg! what should i do??

21 Comments

So, I have a good friend of 5 years and we are something like besties. So recently, she came over to my house for drinks and we were catching up on the latest gossip and other what-not. A few drinks later, she finally says "so, you know that I have met someone!?" And I gasp "who!?" because I was so happy to hear that, being that she had been single for a while now and I could not wait for her to be as happy as I was with my guy.
Then she tells me that she has been seeing the guy for about 5 months now and then told me who he was. We are from a small town where everybody knows everybody, and certainly, I knew who she was talking about.
My heart skipped a beat as she continued talking about him.
You see, here is the thing.
About 4 years back, I met him at a party that one of my friends at the time was throwing. To say the least, we got drunk and he was "playing" with me BUT we DID NOT have sex because I decided to leave before I let it happen. He was good with his fingers but I surely did not want to have sex with him. I dont fantasize about him or anything but it does play in the back of my mind that it happened when I get around him. Then i'm like "oh God no! Did I really let him do that!?" And its like I just want to forget about it. But he comes around with her and it is so freaking akward. I dont want to say anything to him but I do want to say something -like "listen, we dont remember anything!" because I know they love each oher and I want him to know that I won't say a word if he doesn't. He came onto me anyway. But she has a temper so she will get upset and I really do not want to hurt her like that. I feel I will hurt her if I tell her but I'm on a guilt trip about whether I am wrong for not saying anything, saying anything earlier for that matter because now its been almost a whole year and they are still together. If I say something, she will break up with him and stop talking to me and that is what I do not want to happen.
Nothing has come out yet but I don't know what I should do. Helllllp!

Tell her! 13
You should have told her way earlier. 19
What she doesn't know, won't hurt her. 39
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Comments ( 21 )
  • 1000yrVampireKing
    11 years ago

    If you do not like him and do not care and forgot about it why are you going to bring it up?

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    • BeautyBodyBrains
      11 years ago

      Good point

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  • mrsxsalvatore
    11 years ago

    I think you should take her boyfriend aside and come up with an agreement so that neither of you mention it. If you pretend it didn't happen, he will probably tell her before you do and she'll be even more hurt because you didn't tell her. Or instead of that, just tell her the truth and hopefully she won't get offended. It was four years ago and it's not like you had a relationship.

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    • BeautyBodyBrains
      11 years ago

      Thank you much, luv :) im feeling more and more like I should say something. Gosh, I think I will today and post the results. Wish me luck :}?

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      • mrsxsalvatore
        11 years ago

        You're welcome and awh well done you! I hope it goes well and I'll be wishing you luck :)

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        • BeautyBodyBrains
          11 years ago

          I didn't do it yet. I am at war with myself because I want to do the right thing without anyone getting hurt or upset. Way easier said than done :(

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          • mrsxsalvatore
            11 years ago

            Oh I see :( I'm sure you'll find the answer. I guess you have to do what feels right. At least if you tell her about it, you can get it off your chest and you won't be worrying about it all the time. The truth is always best.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    Something that far in the past shouldn't effect what is going on now she will probably joke about it with you.

    We've all done silly things at parties right?

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  • suckonthis9
    11 years ago

    Everyone usually makes mistakes (sexually) at some point in their lives. I agree with you that this can often (but not always, depending on personality type) lead to an awkward situation.
    I think that it would be best to resolve this openly and amicably between all persons concerned. You might wish to do this separately (one-on-one) or as a group. This depends on your current relationship with both persons concerned. Make an admittance that some time ago, you were both drunk, and had some sexual relations together, which might or might not have been a mistake. Did you and / or the male enjoy what happened at the time?
    Please try to use the word 'everyone' instead of 'everybody' in future. Also, please try to not use or infer loosely the Anglo-Germanic generic term for a deity, especially where such usage is unwarranted. Does a deity have any particular connection to this past sexual relationship?

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Sigh

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  • yesnomaybeso
    11 years ago

    Well, you guys didn't have sex or did anything so big, and you were drunk, so what happened doesn't mean anything at all. Plus, it's 4 years ago! That's ages in love ;) SO yeah, I'd forget it and that's it, it's easier and better for everybody!! :) I highly doubt the guy would tell her, plus he might not remember it!
    If she found out, you are like "Oh gosh! Right, I was so drunk! But yeah it was just a drunk kiss, no sex or anything, but man that was ages ago i didn't even remember! it was awkwarddd"
    I really doubt that would bother her, yes, it's her guy but you guys live in a small town, i'm sure that has happened a few times before! And, hey, remember, nothing important happened between too! and what happened, happened because you were drunk ^^

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    • BeautyBodyBrains
      11 years ago

      Thank you! :)

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  • Littlebadgirl
    11 years ago

    Honestly, from what you say, I think that if she finds out by someone else or you tell her yourself it'll get ugly anyway. Coming clean is generally my advice but in this case I'd rather just make sure neither of you two say a thing. That way no one gets hurt and what's in the past stays in the past.
    Awkward situation though. Good luck!

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  • Darkoil
    11 years ago

    He probably doesn't think a bit of finger pie is worth remembering.

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  • abominus566
    11 years ago

    well thinkn of it this way, it happend in the past and its over with. you didnt do anything with him and you had alcohal in you system. its just one of those moments when something weird happens and,well nothing happens. i would say dont worry too much since what happened happened and there is no going back, if you acually had sex then i would say something but you didnt so i think you are more than okay.

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    • BeautyBodyBrains
      11 years ago

      But what is she finds out? I love her like a sister and cannot imagine telling her. Its so minor but she is dramatic a bit so I know it wont sit well with her even though it was years before her.

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      • abominus566
        11 years ago

        i dont think that matters, i like alot of my friends like brothers and sisters. and nothing bad has ever happened. she will think you are close friends is all, if she asks just tel her the truth,cuz i dont think she would get mad over something like that

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  • Mmmpfh
    11 years ago

    Oof. Awkward situation.
    Sounds like she should know somehow. It would be bad if she found out later. But laying it on gently is the hard part...

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    • BeautyBodyBrains
      11 years ago

      It would be so bad if she finds out later!

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  • kelili
    11 years ago

    Maybe the guy has forgotten about this.

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  • bigfatpoo
    11 years ago

    kill urself

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