Older relationship

53% Normal
21 Comments

I have been married to my wife now for 15 years and still love her very deeply. The problem is there is something that has changed in the last 5 years that really bothers me, we do not sleep in the same bed anymore. This started when she got a different job and our working hours didn't coincide with each other. However, now we are working the same hours again, but we still don't sleep together she says "I am perfectly content in my own bedroom" I sometimes feel that we have lost that closeness that we used to share. We still have sex on a regular basis, but it just seems like we have grown apart somewhat.

I really love her and am seeking advice as to how I might go about getting that "closeness" back that we once shared. Is there anybody else in here that is married but don't share the same bed as his wife? I am interested in getting opinions as to if this is normal or not. Thanks for your consideration.

Voting Results
53% Normal
Based on 45 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 21 )
  • cpg123
    15 years ago

    fuck marriage

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    • DiscoDuck
      14 years ago

      Few men have the balls to admit it but you are right marriage sucks, no two ways about it. The grief and aggravation is just not worth it. There are no winners IN marriage and ONLY they woman wins in divorce.

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    • Hemorrhoid
      15 years ago

      whats wrong with marrage??????????????? huh huh.

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  • DiscoDuck
    14 years ago

    Hate to tell you this but she is Cheating.

    I am sure you can see the signs, but have chosen to ignore them...its normal to ignore what might cause a lot of pain.

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  • Paul
    14 years ago

    There is absolutely no way of bringing the past back. Marriage and passion are just evolutionary mechnisms that are designed to keep a male and female together for as long as it is reguired to give birth to and to raise offspring. So after 15 years of marriage it's only natural that you guys are not attracted to each other anymore. You are still together just because it is convenient: you can share living expenses and help each other out in difficult situations. So, here is my advice: if you want to play it safe and have a predictable life until you die, just come to terms with the idea that you guys are not attracted to each other anymore and find a lover. If you don't want to put up with predictability and are a rebel at heart, get a divorce and find another partner who will give you some more years of passion and excitement. Just do whatever makes you happy, life is too short man!

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  • Kat444
    14 years ago

    Maybe she just can't sleep that well when she's with you. Do you snore loudly or prefer different sleeping conditions? I personally need total dark and quiet to get to sleep, but the silence drives my fiance insane! I could imagine us ending up mostly sleeping in different beds, but it's nothing personal. As long as everything else is fine, I don't see why it has to be a problem.

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    Relax - this sounds like it is about getting a good nights sleep - so talk to her a bit about it. The sex is good. And you need your sleep. See if you can sleep together more often. But recognise that people need to get sleep.

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  • DeZiredX
    15 years ago

    My husband works hours that are all night long but I still find the time to lay with him some times through out the day. My grandparents sleep in seperate rooms and have for a very long time. They love each other to death but they also enjoy their own space. Slowly try to invite her back into your or her bed.

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  • itsjustmi
    15 years ago

    my parents have not slept on the same bed for about 8 years? not sleeping on the same bed may be indicative of problems that have yet to come. talk to her about it

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  • tornwithin
    15 years ago

    hmm thats strange.. i rather sleep in a seperate bed than my bf and were wondering if we should get a custom made bed when we get married lol cuz i like to sleep alone with looootssss of room but i never thought that would change things like that.. talk to her about it or surprise her with something romantic one nite maybe ??

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  • awifewhohatessexandwantshelp
    15 years ago

    I'm a wife in a smilar situation. At our former apartment, I slept on the couch because our bed was too small and uncomfortable for us and the dog (I know, I know...). Now we're in a new house with a big bed and I still head to the couch whenever I can. I just dont like sleeping with him.

    If you want her back in your bed, woo her. Date her again. Do whatever you did when you met and fell in love; im assuming you were sharing a bed then. : )

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  • [Old Memory]
    15 years ago

    some times when its gone its gone sorry to say i seeen the post where they recomend to get flowers and etc,I dont think so women should chase you not the other way around you should play your part as a man and make her desire you good luck and dont kiss her ass to make her get back in to bed with u that would be the wrong thing to do and all these women posters here giving you the wrong advice man....

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  • thegoodneighbor
    15 years ago

    I agree with the first poster. It sounds like your romance has fizzeled. Bring her flowers, take her to dinner, be interested in her as a person and what her interests are. Caress her hug her love her make her want you beside her in your bed. Date her again. My plans, send flowers to work or leave notes for her to find. Make her fall in love with you again. Make her tingle.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      15 years ago

      Thanks so much for your nice advice I am working on getting her back in the same bed with me, but so far she won't budge. She will sleep with me occasionally but not on a full time basis I am beginning to wonder if it is my snoring or something.

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      • Lacrimosa_Insanity
        14 years ago

        Hello... I know this problem is probably an old one, infact i hope it is and i hope that you and your significant other have sparked things. Actually i'd like to ask if you have :)
        I've never been married but I have had the same boyfriend for roughly 5 years, since i was 15. He and i are still deeply in love, but there's no doubt there were some rough patches. We got through them by sharing more things and most of all, more time. :) When he came home from his long work day, i would have dinner waiting for him, and of course i would work my way up to some cuddles after dinner... which often leads elsewhere :P
        I know in your case the roles are reversed but why dont you give it a try... buy her some of her favorite flower and other things that she halfway doesnt expect u to remember.... and make a home dinner, trust me those are always the best.. candle lit dinner with your favorite foods, a bottle of wine and a small piece of the past.
        i'd like to hear how things are going now.
        take care and best of wishes :)

        oh and btw to those who posted those nasty comments about all women cheating, its probably not true. Dont listen to them, just to what you know in your heart as the truth.
        Even if she was cheating, if you can get that spark back she wont want to... but dont think about that. I doubt its true. :)

        hugs

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  • Anonymous_Donor
    15 years ago

    My girlfriend and I probably will have our own bedrooms when we move in with one another. She's a morning person and I'm a night owl. She likes a very firm mattress and I like soft. I toss and turn and she mostly lies still. It's no biggie, we just prefer sleeping alone. Don't worry unless you find another bloke in her bed!

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  • Goatmeat
    15 years ago

    Cuzz, one day, after you find out, and you have the balls, you will post what I am fixing to tell you as the truth. She is phucking someone else. The nights that she goes to sleep without action with you, she has phucked her other man and feels bad. On the nights you get it, she did not see her man. Dude open your eyes and believe me. I am friends with a women that does this-hell where are you from?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      15 years ago

      No you got it all wrong she is not having an affair. I don't believe that for one minute. We still have a great relationship. If she was having an affair she would flat out tell me that is the kind of person, she is.

      @Cabinet70
      @Iamalovrnotafitr

      Thanks for the advice I will give it a try :)

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  • [Old Memory]
    15 years ago

    I believe a man should share the same bed. Perhaps go on a vacation for a couple of weeks and make sure you get a room with just a double bed. After a few weeks shell get used to it start sleeping with you again. If all else fails sell her bed shell have no choice then

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    • [Old Memory]
      15 years ago

      man wife^

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  • ImaLovrnotaFitr
    15 years ago

    I think what your relationship needs is a little romance to get the spark back. Try planning a weekend away, if you guys can, with the whole hotel wine and dine deal. I read somewhere that couples can rediscover their closeness in new atmospheres. Worth a shot? Also, try bringing up positive past experiences where she will be reminded of how close you were to each other. Like a vacation or something that you guys laughed about. I dont know if any of this is helpful but good luck!

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