Nowhere else to go

I've posted about this before. My apologies for the redundancy.

My brother has an eating disorder. I have no one to talk to about it. I can't tell my family or friends or anyone who knows him, for fear of alienating him and being completely shut out.

I'm lost. I tried to do some research online, encourage him to see a therapist. I don't know what else to do. I guess this is a shot in the dark...give me your best IIN.

- Countess of douche

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Comments ( 23 )
  • derpyderp

    I commented on your previous post & as I said I have no experience with eating disorders but I've been through my own battles, mainly with drug & alcohol addiction.
    It's not the same but it's the best experience I can draw on to try & give you advice.

    I'm going to be totally honest here & hope you don't hold it against me.

    Unfortunately it might be hard to help your brother if he doesn't want help. I know that fucking sucks & it's not what you want to hear...

    I was put into drug rehab when I was 14. I agreed but only to keep the peace with my family when shit blew up.
    It was basically against my wishes.
    Less than a week after getting out I was back on...
    I didn't successfully get off drugs until I made the decision for myself that it was what I wanted.
    Then, it literally happened overnight.

    The best thing I think you can do is make it clear you're there for him when he's ready.
    & as I brushed on last time, let him know that his actions are having a big impact on you & others he cares about too.
    You have to carefully balance that so you don't make him feel guilty but you do make him aware that he's not just hurting himself.
    One thing that really got to me was knowing how much I was fucking up my family.
    I didn't care about myself at the time but I cared about them & that was an eye-opener for me & really made me think...

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    • iEatZombies_

      I was going to comment saying something to the likes of this. I'll just add on instead.
      Mizz.Douche, he's right. You have to let him know how it affects you. Not 'you should stop because I can't take it' (makes him feel he's a burden) but more a heartfelt 'it concerns me because if something were to happen to you, and it is inevitable at this point, it would hurt me a lot' etc. After that, it's really up to him as to how and when he gets help.
      But letting him know A) you care B) this is serious will mean the world to him and give him motivation. Don't be afraid to get vulnerable in expressing yourself. It's the single most important thing you can do.

      With this in mind, you can't assume this is going to perform miracles. This is the very beginning. You're in for a long road. As dom said, you should vent here frequently. PM me whenever either of us have Gold if you need to vent.

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    • CountessDouche

      You're lovely, btw, you cunt.

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    • CountessDouche

      Hahaha thanks, drop bear. That was such a great comment.

      I hope someone else replies to this shit!

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  • dom180

    I don't know much about eating disorder or how to help people with it, but please keep using IIN to vent as much as you want if it helps. Hugs and kisses.

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    • CountessDouche

      Thank you. That's really sweet; I'm not shitting you. I'm totally lost too. I don't know anything about eating disorders. I'm so out of my league about the whole thing that I almost "told on him" this morning, as in told my dad. I'm 27, and I want to tell my dad hahahaha. And my dad is like the fucking gypsy sailor gone Fox News republican. I don't see him as being helpful. I got like two hours if sleep last night.

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      • dom180

        If you can't deal with the pressure (and honestly, no-one could blame you), you should consider seeing a therapist for yourself. Eating disorder has a huge effect on people who care about the sufferer of it, and I think seeing a therapist for yourself is a totally proportionate response since it's clearly causing you a lot of stress. Just because your family is very unhelpful, doesn't mean you should have to bear the responsibility of supporting your brother alone. My point is, you need to take care of yourself too.

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  • shuggy-chan

    Best advice i can add after reading the other comments is to keep ur positive spirit. Dealing with extreme depression/disorders can be extremely draining for the person and for the person trying to help them.

    And is always something different that seems to break through to them and you can really hash out everything with then and have a heart to heart

    And it could be something completely random that he thought his own then made him decide finally maybe I should get help maybe I should talk about it or whatever.

    And if you ever need a laugh or to blow off steam come back to us on IIN

    -Love, your Royal servant

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    • CountessDouche

      Look at you, shugs, giving a real comment for once. I feel honored :)...and thanks.

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      • shuggy-chan

        I know i been doing that more lately, i must be getting more sentimental in my old age.... Or just mental.

        Either way, stay strong missie. <3 hugs and kisses and stark erection and all that mushy stuff :)

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  • thegypsysailor

    Like any other "disorder" or addiction, until the person with it desires help, there isn't a damn thing anyone else can do to help. Be supportive, if you can, and be there if and when your brother wants to change, but really, that's all you can do right now. Sorry.

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    • CountessDouche

      As much shit as I give you, I still respect your opinion. What would you do if it was one of your kids?

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      • thegypsysailor

        That's the worst scenario; parents and kids are damn good at pushing each other's buttons.
        But honestly, short of kidnapping them to the boat, or in other folk's case a farm or place far from food, there really isn't anything anyone can do if the person with the problem isn't ready to change. How many times have we heard of folks relapsing after drug rehab? So many times, and then finally it's all different because the addict has had enough;they want to change. No more relapses.
        Food is every bit as deep, dark and dangerous an addiction as any drug.

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  • Incomplet

    Offer compassion and support. Keep in mind that the person may get defensive or angry. But if he or she does open up, listen without judgment and make sure the person knows you care.

    Avoid insults, scare tactics, guilt trips, and patronizing comments. Since bulimia is often caused and exacerbated by stress, low self-esteem, and shame, negativity will only make it worse.

    Set a good example for healthy eating, exercising, and body image. Don’t make negative comments about your own body or anyone else’s.

    Accept your limits. As a parent or friend, there isn’t a lot you can do to “fix” your loved one’s bulimia. The person with bulimia must make the decision to move forward.

    Take care of yourself. Know when to seek advice for yourself from a counselor or health professional. Dealing with an eating disorder is stressful, and it will help if you have your own support system in place.

    But really. It all boils down to finding professional care.

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    • CountessDouche

      Thank you so much. This is really great advice.

      The not being able to "fix" it thing is the hardest part; makes me feel lost. I'm honestly at the point where I'm just going to see a therapist for my own sake. I don't even know what I'm looking for here, or on all of the websites I've visited to read up on the psychology of eating disorders...some magic combination of words that will make everything better. I guess that's not going to happen.

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      • Incomplet

        Unfortunately, I have to agree with you there. Psychology is more than a magical combination of words that will cure an individual upon utterance. Maybe you could try to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your brother?

        I guess if you must, you could always have a friend your brother's unfamiliar with recording themselves like a radio broadcaster. Get the friend to talk about how to recognise bulimia and when to seek treatment. Play the recording in the morning and try to minimise other distractions so he listens to it. Just remember to discuss the tactic with your family, too.

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        • CountessDouche

          I did have a heart to heart with him yesterday, hence me freaking the fuck out...he told me shit like...

          I've thrown up over 10 times in one day, and it makes me dizzy and it gives me weird palpitations

          And

          I've spent hundreds of dollars a day on food

          And, the best one

          I've vomited blood from throwing up stuff like pizza with a lot of bread in it

          He's gonna die. My fucking brother is going to die if I don't do anything.

          Should I tell someone? Or everyone?

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          • Incomplet

            Hot shit, sorry. The site didn't send my comment. I'll sum it up:

            Definitely tell a professional about his situation. Even if you can't manage to bring him along, at least you'll get some idea of how severe his problem is.

            I'd recommend telling your immediate family, too. Therapy or counseling is a very important part of getting better — in many cases, family therapy is one of the keys to eating healthily again. Parents and other family members are important in supporting people who are battling an eating disorder.

            Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is considered the treatment of choice for people with bulimia. With the support of decades’ worth of research, CBT is a time-limited and focused approach that helps a person understand how their thinking and negative self-talk and self-image can directly impact their eating and negative behaviors.

            While many medications may be prescribed for symptoms related to bulimia, only Fluoxetine (brand name: Prozac) has approved by the Food and Drug Administration for the treatment of bulimia nervosa. This medication has been found to decrease the number of episodes of binging, as well the desire to vomit, in people with moderate to severe bulimia. Unless memory fails me, I think the recommended intake was something like 60 mg a day. [Quick disclaimer: I may have studied human physiology and nutrition before, but I'm not a health professional. Seriously go and contact one.]

            In the mean time, encourage him to eat less junk food and more easily digestible food. Bananas and yogurt are relatively safe bets.

            Also encourage him to brush his teeth and use mouthwash after vomiting. The hydrochloric acid from his stomach will damage his esophagus if you don't neutralize it.

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          • Incomplet

            Ah, heck. Sounds like it's getting serious.

            I personally think that trying to convince him to see a therapist is the best choice. Offer to shell out the bills and everything, I guess it's the least you can do.

            Telling a professional and your family are probably your best choices here. You need to do this as soon as possible.

            In the mean time, encourage him to brush his teeth and gargle mouthwash after vomiting. It's not going to make a ground-breaking difference, but it'll at least slow the effects of his stomach's HCL acid wreaking havoc on his oesophagus. If possible give him foods that are likely to be non-irritating to their gut and easy to absorb (eg, bananas, yoghurt, bread).

            I'm really sorry. I'm not a health professional. I've studied a bit of biology (with a focus on human physiology and nutrition) but I'm an engineering/commerce major as of currently, so this is just my two cents.

            Aside from that, here's a bit of research I pulled up for you:

            Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: There is general consensus that CBT is the best established form of psychotherapy for bulimia nervosa either in an individual or group therapy format (Mitchell et al., 2007). Other forms of therapy are being developed and researched to assess effectiveness with bulimia (see Feast of Famine: The Etiology and Treatment of Eating Disorders course).

            Prozac (fluoxetine) at high doses (60 mg/day) is considered the “gold standard” for treating bulimia nervosa (Fluoxetine Bulimia Nervosa Collaborative Study, 1992). Fluoxetine has been found to significantly reduce binge eating and purging behaviors and is the only medication approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for these purposes. It may be a useful intervention for patients who have not responded to psychotherapeutic intervention (Walsh et al., 2000).

            Source: http://www.continuingedcourses.net/active/courses/course038.php

            I'd be careful about administering prozac, though. If I were you, I'd just try anything to get the boy into a professional's care. It's going to take a fair bit of persuasion, but think about the long-run.

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  • Darkoil

    What exactly is the eating disorder?

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    • CountessDouche

      Bulimia

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      • Darkoil

        What's the reason for it, is he over weight?

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        • CountessDouche

          I have no fucking idea. That's the thing. He's a skinny little shit....uh, he ran competitive triathlon for years, (made worlds 6 times) so that's my best guess. The whole lifestyle was about eating a ton of food and then exercising for like 6 hours a day.

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