Nothing exists outside of my mind?
i live by this philosophy which can be called solipsism. basically it's the belief that since nothing can be proven to exist outside of my mind, one might as well just believe that the mind is the origin of everything and that they in effect might as well have created the universe themselves in their mind or just have little attachment to any concept or basis of fact or reality.
i can convince myself of anything just through exercising my beliefs and reasoning with myself until it makes sense to me.
for example if i want to 'psyche' myself out of feeling guilty about something that happened, i just tell myself that because it's in the past, it doesn't exist anymore and if it isn't now, it can follow that it might as well never have existed, so i don't feel bad at all. it's becoming automatic; i have hardly any conscience, and i feel as though i could do something mean to anyone and it really wouldn't affect me and i could either just put it away and not care that i did it, or convince myself it never happened.
in a way i feel like it makes me stronger to think like this? i can just carry on with my life and not deal with emotional struggle. i'm the one in control, it's almost like i've brainwashed myself or maybe i've like cracked the code and found the truth about life that i wasn't supposed to find. i feel like my brain could have subconsciously invented everything before i was aware of it, as a cover up to the fact that nothing actually exists. science, and everything i've ever learned... my family, the planet itself, everything COULD exist just inside my head, and any proof that it exists outside of my head could also just be a figment of my imagination.
i feel as though even if i'm completely wrong, it won't matter. because i'm only aware of my own mind, so i'll never know anything other than what i believe, and this is what gets me through the day. it's almost like my own self contained religion, so i guess i could call myself my own god, without trying to sound too controversial about it.
i don't think i have control over every detail of the world, i just feel like i planted it and i could uproot it if i wanted to. the world might as well not have existed before i was born, because i wasn't here to behold it, so what use was it? when i put it that way i suppose it sounds like some sort of egoism but it's not that i think i'm important and all-encompassing so much as aware.
i could be dangerous, i think i could kill someone and then alter everything in my mind emotionally so that even if it happened, it still to me didn't happen... could go on allday haha
sorry this is so long. i want to know more people who feel the same way.