Normal feelings after 3 years

7 Comments

Hello every one, I'll try to keep this brief yet descriptive. I have been dating this girl for a little over 3 years now and she has a 6 year old daughter. Recently our family, friends, and even herself have been talking about us finally settling down moving in together, getting engaged and married. Now I agree it's time we start making moves into a future I love this girl and want to be with her for ever except the fact that she has her daughter breaks my hear still after 3 years. The father is a p.o.s. and terrible to deal with but the kid loves him even though he's a bum. I know my girlfriend will always have love for him because he is the father of her daughter and even though he's a terrible person and did nothing but abuse and degrade her the entire 5 years they were together. And for that I resent him and the child because I know her heart will never fully belong to me. The kid herself is the sweetest brightest thing she's a tremendous child, but I always keep my distance from her because of The fact she's not my child I've tried to get close to her but then when I see the way she looks at her father I realize I will never have a close bond like these 2. When we go some where and we take her daughter and they reference the child to being "ours and when we explain to them it's her daughter not mine my heart sinks into my stomach or when she talks about her daughter and people say you never told me you have a daughter. This girl is everything I could have asked for but I feel like if after 3 years in still not over this I never will be. It's not the kids fault but countless times we have not been able to do things or go places because the kid can't come with us or the father didn't show up to pick her up. I just wanted to get people's input on how I should proceed from here.

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 7 )
  • Nickvey
    6 years ago

    no dog , it never works out. ever , dont take my word research online.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • PenisNV
    6 years ago

    So keep fucking the girlfriend until you have your own daughter. Problem solved.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • rayb12
    6 years ago

    Well listen bro, first off you knew all of this. How can you resent a child and have her existence 'break your heart' when this is not news? Secondly I don't understand this gripe about not being able to go places due to the child, do you know what raising a child entails? Having this baby daddy to sometimes watch the kid gives you MORE freedom than if the kid was yours. If you want a girlfriend with no kids their are plenty of women with no kids, but you chose one with a kid, you have no one to blame but yourself.

    I understand you had hoped your feelings would change, but you were wrong. There is nobody to blame for this but you.

    You have to learn to stop feeling angry towards other people for mistakes you make.

    But I understand you also understand none of this is their fault and are not attacking anyone for this, which is great.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Ellenna
    6 years ago

    If you can't accept the situation as it is and you really believe you'll never be able to then end the relationship.

    However, I think it's very immature and unrealistic of you to expect past history to be wiped out in your favour when there's a child involved. Ditto resenting plans sometimes need to be changed because of the child: that's just how it is and how it would be even if you were her birth father.

    I guess whether you stay or go depends on how much you love your girlfriend and how much you can accept the child and the father will always be part of her life. It does sound as if you want everything to be perfect and that's totally unrealistic

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Kevinevan
    6 years ago

    You'll probably never get over it. You have to ask yourself if you can live with it or not. Everyone has flaws. Is the pain you feel so consuming that it greatly dimishing your relationship? If so move on.

    Another question to ask yourself is why was your girlfriend with a man who treated her like shit for 5 years? That screams issues to me.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    If you're having doubts then don't move in with your girlfriend, don't get engaged and certainly don't get married. Yes, the situation is very sad, but don't be pressured into taking care of a woman and a child who won't appreciate you. It's your not your job to clean up the mess this piece of shit guy left behind. Honestly, if you were my brother I'd be very concerned for your emotional, spiritual and FINANCIAL welfare. Put yourself first!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Pumpurrnickel
    6 years ago

    This isn't helpful to your questions, sorry. But please use paragraphs.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1