No sex from wife

64% Normal
4 Comments

I'm 58 and my wife is 52. She has lost all interest in sex, even though we've only been married 5 years (no kids). She won't even do foreplay or hand jobs, and forget about oral. All I can do is masturbate but I am too embarrassed to let her know. The other day she almost caught me. Two things: Is it normal for her to have zero interest in sex and since masturbation itself is normal, am I being unrealistic about being embarrassed about it?

Voting Results
64% Normal
Based on 45 votes (29 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • Xanadu
    15 years ago

    Many women have a decline in sex drive, even to the point of no desire for it whatsoever, during the stages of menopause. She may not always be that way; but it may be a couple of years of hell for you until she comes back around. But she's your wife and sexual intimacy is absolutely paramount in maintaining a happy marriage. Ask her why there's no interest. Ask if there's anything you can do to help. If there's no interest at all there, ask if, as your wife, she'd be willing to help you out once in a while. Tell her she still turns you on and tell her that you have to masturbate to address those natural desires. She's your wife. So what if she catches you? Tell her what you need, see if you can help her give it to you and, if not, be honest with her about the masturbation. That way, you can masturbate when and where you need to and if she sees you, fine. If not, fine. I hope you work it out with her.

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    • GrandAm
      15 years ago

      Thanks for your comments. I really appreciate it. I have asked, and she just says that she doesn't understand, but it's not me...it's just her. The funny thing is, before she shut down there was a time when if she wasn't in the mood or was her time of the month, she would just turn to me and do oral or a hand job. She also used to like to masturbate me in the shower. But now, whenever I turn to her in bed, she immediately shuts down because she's afraid I will want to go all the way. And forget about getting any invites to her shower. I have even suggested counseling. We tried it a couple of years ago, and it almost seemed to work (we had sex once after talking with the therapist), but it didn't last and now she won't do it again. As for masturbating, I get the feeling that even if I did it with her knowing, she would just think I was trying to get back in with her and would resent it. I actually do wonder what she must think I am doing about it. I would never cheat on her or even pay for it, but I have considered doing something I used to do before I met her. Going to a masturbation club, where guys go to jerk off together and also do mutual masturbation. I do do it online, where guys masturbate on minicam together just to get the feel of connecting with someone else.

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  • happilysingle
    15 years ago

    Looking at the ages, it is very much possible and alright for her not to have interest in sex. It is also normal for you to masturbate. You should not have to hide. Masturbate in front of her.

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    • GrandAm
      15 years ago

      I know...I realize that logically it is perfectly normal to masturbate. And I really love it. So why do I have this ridiculous hang-up about doing it in front of her? I even do it in the shower, but stop if she's around.

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