New methods to thwart bear attacks!!

I'm not so sure I believe the old tired bear attack rule of "playing dead". How, exactly, do they know that the people who died in a bear attack weren't playing dead? They don't.

Since any method of thwarting a bear attack equally may or may not work, why not make up some new ones?

If you have another method to add, please comment!!

Give the bear a lecture about how Jesus is his savior. 3
Start jerking the bear off. 5
Take a sacrificial midget with you whenever entering bear country. 2
Tell the bear you have HIV and he may get it from your blood. 2
Offer the bear one night with your hot wife/husband. 2
Craft a human-size turtle shell to wear, go into shell upon attack. 7
Other Method (comment) 3
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Comments ( 14 )
  • dappled

    Living in a country that has no bears is pretty effective. Although I did once get an agitated glare from a hedgehog.

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    • The bears could be plotting their escape from the zoo as we speak, so you may want to think up a plan just in case.

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      • dappled

        I shall choose to live in a country that has no zoos, then. :P

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    • dirtybirdy

      Hahaha your so silly

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  • be neighborly , babysit cubs while mother is out hunting, when she returns and you are there with her babies she will be grateful, so so grateful

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  • wigz

    Oh wow, this is one of my old polls!

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  • gloryholeflasher

    An atheist was walking in the woods when he was confronted by a big brown bear rearing up on it's hind legs growling ferociously. Trembling the atheist called out, "God, if you really do exist, make this bear a Christian". Suddenly the bear sat down on his haunches, raised his front paws and put them together and said, "for this food I'm about to receive I am truly thankful, Amen!"

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  • coolio75650932

    other: whip out you 12 inch cock and slap that basterd

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  • anti-hero

    OP, I love you.

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  • dirtybirdy

    I am Goldilocks and I carry porridge with me at all times. I got this under control. Im also high as hell so I'm not a'scared like I should be :D I don't want to fight the bear, man. We're gonna cuddle like fuckin gummi's bro, do join us

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    • shuggy-chan

      *walks in strapping young woodsman* can i help you lil lady? xD

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    • coolio75650932

      well hell is under ground... so your not that high... -_- sleep with me?

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      • dirtybirdy

        You're going to have to get in line

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        • coolio75650932

          il just cut in line any ways... any thing for sex *cuts in line ton the sencond in line* and now i wait...

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