New boyfriend after 25 year of marriage with my father

So as the title suggests: Is it normal that my mother got a new boyfriend after 25 year of marriage with my father?

Like many divorces my mother and father seperated because they simply couldnt be with eachother anymore. So my father moved out and got himself a new apartment, this was October 2013 last year. So we were now 2 family members in my mothers house, me and and my mother. She Went for a vacation to her home country for a week. When she returned home she told me something really chocking. She told me that she met a guy who is a Mutual friend to her friend, who happened to be a father with a daughter. She told me that this man lived in Canada ( like me and my mother do ) but he was an immigrant who lived with a crazy woman who made Life really difficult for him and his daughter, she was a junkie in many ways so yeah that says it all. Then she asked me: Sam please can we take care of this man and his daughter for like 6 months until they can settle and make their own living? I was furious at her because i told her that she had just divorced after such a long marriage, and first thing she does is to help some stranger. Dont get me wrong i like helping people and stuff, but my mother in our family is known to have helped people her whole Life instead of focusing on our family, sad thing is she never got anything back in return. I was terrified that she will just get used again because she is not a very smart person.

Fastforward 1 year later, the man and my mother are a couple and they have lived with eachother since November of 2013, his daughter lives with her mother. He is a cool guy fortunately. But because i didnt feel emotionally well living under the same roof of my mother, i moved in to my fathers place.

I´ve thought about this matter for a long time, she has time after time with her actions proved that other people are more important, not so much in Words but her action speaks for themself. I couldn´t help to ask myself this: Is it really normal that a woman, after 25 year of marriage with a man after divorce, goes to a vacation to, meets a man who she feels sorry for brings him to our household and now he is part of our family? It would be different if she did this after a long time after divorce, but she has throughout Life continously proved that focusing on strangers is more important than her family, im used to it so no biggy. But this was just all i could take, is a person really that dependant on others? Couldn´t she just settle down for a while Think through the whole thing out. Maybe get closer to me and settle her differences with me instead of trying to be a hero all the time?

I would really like to know what you guys Think, is it a perfectly normal thing to do after 1 month of divorce, or am i just overly sensitive?

Voting Results
56% Normal
Based on 50 votes (28 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • deepthought33

    Both my parents moved on very quickly. I actually cannot think of anyone presently who took things slow after splitting with a partner. I'm newly divorced and my friends and family find it very strange that I'm not showing any interest in jumping into the dating game.

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  • KeepsakeDoll

    It's normal. 25 years of marriage doesn't necessarily mean all those years were happy. There's a possibility that the marriage was already going downhill at some point, so your mom started to get emotionally distant.

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    • Sam944

      You will probably flame me for saying this, but. First of all my father had his roll in their marriage, but it was only very small things. In my opinion the quality of their marriage Went downhill because she focused on other people instead of her family. For example; We had alot of sick relatives, ALOT! Everything from cancer to heartdiseases, depressions etc. She put all her effort on making them well, and she never ever got something in return. So you can imagine that it affected my dad alot since he is also a doctor, and although it was never his duty he helped them and they are well today because of his efforts, they would be rotting beneath the Earth if it was not for him. What disturbs me the most is that my mother never showed the Gratitude he deserved. Problem with human beings period is that if you help them and try to make their lives better, they will more often then not become spoiled and take that help for granted. I Think that is what happened when my father helped all my mothers relatives, i dont know why but it really hurts me that my mother doesn´t see my fathers efforts that means sooo much more then shallow things like buying a new big house or a new car :/

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  • NobodyKnows

    Friend, you really ought to title your posts more carefully. For a second, I thought I was about to read about something SERIOUSLY dysfunctional. 8(

    Anyway...to answer your question, I do think it's a *little* unusual for your mom to be dating so soon. But not altogether surprising. People often cope with breakups by starting new relationships much, much too soon.

    I hope things work out for the best, with your parents. And I'm sorry you had to go through a divorce.

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    • Sam944

      Im super happy they divorced, do you Believe that i jumped out of joy? Because my dad is no longer forced to live with such a dread. I love my mom, but she drained the Life out of us with her behaviour, i wont go in to details but im not overexcaggerating on this one, trust me. I even moved out from my moms where i had a room for myself to my fathers, where i live in the living room.

      It all goes back to her being a self righteous person, if she only had the maturity to realize that her behaviour was difficult to deal with :/

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  • Avant-Garde

    Some people have a need to nurture and to help. She seems like a great person. To her, this could be her way of moving on. They all seem happy don't they? Then, there's nothing wrong. Don't spoil their happiness.

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    • Sam944

      Trust me when i say im not a selfish person, in fact i moved out from her house and now im living with my dad, so now they can live happy.

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  • green_boogers

    I agree that people move on quickly from divorces. Her way of moving on is very strange and a setup for problems. Staying closer to your Dad as a favored parent is a wise move.

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    • Sam944

      You are the first one to say that, i really appreciate that man.

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  • RoseIsabella

    She'll probably tire of this new guy, and neglect him too for a stranger once she gets used him.

    I think your mom has a fear of intimacy, but that's only my humble opinion of course.

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    • Sam944

      Man that´s wack, i was thinking the same thing! Yeah maybe that is the answer, she mentioned something similar long ago to me!

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      • RoseIsabella

        Yeah, I'm not a gambler, but if I was I would bet that's what happens.

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  • thegypsysailor

    Good for her for not wasting a moment of what's left of her life dwelling on the past. Moving on is important in life or you stagnate and stagnating things tend to rot and stink.

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